Bad day in 'bama

[Crow9726]

Today is the 10th day since she's been gone.

 

I have been doing okay I guess...but last night really got to me. I bounce off the walls of our empty house. Everywhere I look, even though most of her stuff is gone save some furniture she couldn't take, I see traces of her. Snippets of conversations, remembrances of laughter and jokes, the way she looked in a certain light.

 

Driving anywhere also causes painful flashbacks. The road that led to her house when we first got together, restaurants, parks, stores, you name it and it has a memory for me.

 

I almost made the mistake of contacting her last night. We parted amicably with lots of love still between us, but we both knew that I wasn't able to fulfill all her needs and she couldn't fulfill all mine. Each of us is sure to be better off in the long run, but it doesn't lessen my pain and anguish.

 

I drank last night...something that is totally out of character for me. I was browsing through the memory cards for my camera so I can make her a CD of pictures she will surely want copies of. Seeing the first set from when we first got together threw me for a loop...and then the massive depression and sense of loss struck me.

 

I drank to excess and cried my eyes out. I haven't slept well or long since she left, but last night was even worse. I sat down and wrote her a letter pouring my heart out. I read it back to myself after finishing it over an hour later and was poised to hit the send key. Fortunately or unfortunately, I didn't send it...instead keeping it as a draft.

 

I went to bed and had fitful dreams/nightmares in the short bursts of sleep I was able to get. I finally gave up trying to sleep at 5:30 this morning and have been in a funk ever since. No hangover and the effects of drinking have long worn off...but I am plunging into the depths of despair and suffering infinite sadness.

 

I miss her. I miss her touch. I miss her scent. I miss her lips. I miss her voice. I miss her laugh. I miss her hugs. I miss her smile. I miss her love.

 

I am miserable.

[nowhereman82]

Stay strong bro.

 

Glad you didn't drunk email.

 

Rearrange the furniture and art or anything you got so the rooms don't look the same. That's how I got over being in my empty home that so much reminded me of my ex and what was missing.