LolitaAnastasia Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Hey guys, I'm feeling kind of down. I really need to get this off my chest. Weighing pros and cons on my relationship, from the moment we met to now. I found that in the relationship it doesn't seem like the relationship my best friend has with her boyfriend. My best friend is happy and very much in love and it is being recipocated. Myself I feel like I'm creating a fantasy relationship. I do love Ben deeply. I think of him the moment I wake to when I sleep. I get giggly when he calls. Now I haven't seen him for a week and a half. I talked to him last week but he said he was going to call me on Thursday which he didnt. So I called on the weekend as a friend of ours was involved in a car accident. The friend is ok but it was a shock. There was no answer. So I just left it. Tonight I called up his place and his mother answered, I know when he isn't there cause she will talk a bit longer then normal then announce he isn't there. Actually we talked for an hour and half. Geez lol. So after the call I started to reflect on the relationship. As stated in previous posts, Ben and I were friends with benefits until Febuary when he declared I was his girlfriend. Here is the points of why I am going to break up with him. *He isn't affectionate, no kissing, rarely hugs me and when we held hands, it was cause my father forced us to. (My dad was drunk and mucking around) we held hands for a few minutes but it got sweaty and we let go. *He never compliments me. Never says "You look great in that outfit" or I think your beautiful. Sometimes I feel like I'm the guy cause I compliment him alot. *Brings up his ex-girlfriends out of the blue. I don't even talk about them but he goes on to tell me all the events that he had with his ex-girlfriends. I simply don't want to know. I told him about my feelings on this subject. *Doesn't seem to want to take me out anywhere. Before we were "offically" an item, we would go to a resturant where there was a niteclub across the road. One night I asked him if we could go to the night club and he said he was feeling sick. He didn't look sick so I said how about we sit outside so you can rest. When it got time to go in he started to mutter incoherently. I asked him to slow and speak louder. He looked at me and said "I feel uncomfortable going in with you okay." At the time I was like WTF, we were friends he didnt even have to be seen with me if he didn't want to. I wanted to go in and dance and have a good time. Then the one time we did go into the club, he got us drinks and lead us into the beer garden. He took out a ciggerette smoked, then he quickly drank his drink. Getting up he said "Let's go". I was confused. We didn't walk back into the club we walked out the back way of the garden and around to the front where my car was parked. One night we did plan to go to the club, but my Ben said how about I come over at 8 and we can leave at ten. So I got all dressed up. Really excited and when he came he said "Can we watch one of your anime dvds?" I said oh ok. It got to ten and I said to him come one we have to go now. But he sat there watching the damn show. *Two times he had stood me up, before we dated, I asked him to go out with me for NYE in 2006/7 and 2007/8. I waited and waited for him only to welcome NYE with my online friends. *I have asked if he would be able to come with me to see a heart specialist to hear the results of my heart scan. He was kind of umming and ahhing about it and then he said "That's private isn't it?" I replied that it would be great if he would come in with me so I had some support and that I gave permission for him to hear what was being said. He can be good with me, we get on great but its' things like this that makes me want to think of breaking our relationship off. I care about him but I really want a proper relationship. I am thinking that while he is gone and when he comes back I will withhold sex from him explaining that I want to offically confirm that we are in a relationship and that I need affection etc. What do you think? It would be great to get some advice.
nowhereman82 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Well you haven't dated that long and from what you have posted, it does not sound like he cares. And if he doesn't care that much then he won't change that much if these issues are brought up. I am sure you know what you want to do. Best of luck
treeluva Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 If he doesn't want to be seen with you, that is a big problem, in my opinion. Some guys aren't that affectionate, and that is something that can be worked on. But hiding you? Not wanting to be seen with you? What in the heck is that all about?
Drakakhan Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 It is indeed very strange that he doesn't want to be seen with you. Maybe he is dating another person at the same time. That would explain a lot. It is just a guess, though.
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