the enemy within

[sultry33]

Ive been broken up since march 13th.. saw him for the last time a couple of months ago.. was really sad but after that we agreed to go nc.

 

Since then 2-3 weeks ago i slipped sent him message online.. he replied asking for my number... i sent it.. heard nothing so sent simple message week later.. he said he contact me the following week when less busy..

 

i have now heard that he is with someone else.. im so sad:sick:

i trully believed him during our rs that there was noone else.. i dont even know how he could have had time.. but seems it was going on.. i feel so stupid in that i thought i knew him inside out..

 

im my own worst enemy and im so gulliable.. my friends/family told me he must have someone else as he did not come back to me.. i just never believed it..

 

why did i believe him and not question him futher.. was i that insane that i would just accept his obvouis bull **** incase i lost him..

 

not only do i feel like i lost him but i now have lost the feeling to love and trust again..

 

i know its frowned upon to say he/she was the one.. but i trully believed it and everyone who knew us said we seemed in love..

 

he told me he left for other reasons and not us.. but seemed it was a big other reason..

 

i feel so lost.. so hurt and sad

[Trialbyfire]

((hugs)) sultry. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. A guy who needs someone else to bridge out of a relationship or can be stolen, isn't worth your sadness.

[carrie3107]

Big hugs love :bunny: :bunny:

 

And not gulliable.

[roghornio]

Does anyone get huge bouts of anger?

The past couple days i have been having real anger issues.

 

Especially today. i wish i had a punch bag!!

I been doing a lot of heavy weights recently - that seems to stem any anger for a while, but it comes back with a vengence.

[sultry33]

Does anyone get huge bouts of anger?

The past couple days i have been having real anger issues.

 

Especially today. i wish i had a punch bag!!

I been doing a lot of heavy weights recently - that seems to stem any anger for a while, but it comes back with a vengence.

 

hi rog.. yeah i get angry.. with myself really.. not really at him.. however i did get angry at him last night and told him so too..

 

i get angry with myself for not being able to give up.. i have always been a true believer in love and for me its damn hard to give it up.. i dont fall very often so its not like here she goes again lol..

 

i just felt despite the odds we would remain strong.. love can conquer all.. but im realising love is sometimes not enough..

 

well he has asked to see me friday;) so i have agreed.. i thought after what i said he would not want to see me.. but seems i was hit with a bad spam email..

 

so after his reply this morning.. saying there was noone else.. has no plans etc.. just busy with car stuff.. i said if you want to meet in few weeks after car stuff.. let me know.. but he suggested this friday..

 

i really wish i could just talk.. communicate with him more normally rather than through private messages.. was a time when we would call each other every day.. few times.. text too.. its all strange.. infact my life is strange now:eek:

 

i have read its a "stage" the anger... maybe we need to go through it x

[sultry33]

thanks tbf and carrie.. i need to get a brain it seems.. damn spam.

 

everything happens for a reason.. we are meeting friday and he suggested it;)

 

damn im going be nervous, thanks for your kind words x

[carrie3107]

Hi hon how did friday go?

 

Been away so catch us up.

 

I text the ex about two weeks ago. Been talking, etc. been over etc. Told him i was happy with the way things were going, being friends and going over to see him.

 

He texted me a picture of his new owl and got a bit p@@@ed off when i didnt respond to him straight away.

 

I said if he wanted someone else he could go on the internet and find someone, but he says he doesnt want anyone else he wants me.

 

He doesnt want a heavy serious relationship cause of work.

 

Im happy not to have a serious relationship at the moment cause i want to do other things but im ok "seeing him" once or twice a week, like being back at the start again. I asked him what about if we had met someone else and he replied we havent meet anyone else and we know each other inside out.

 

He wants companionship.

[sultry33]

Hi hon how did friday go?

 

Been away so catch us up.

 

I text the ex about two weeks ago. Been talking, etc. been over etc. Told him i was happy with the way things were going, being friends and going over to see him.

 

He texted me a picture of his new owl and got a bit p@@@ed off when i didnt respond to him straight away.

 

I said if he wanted someone else he could go on the internet and find someone, but he says he doesnt want anyone else he wants me.

 

He doesnt want a heavy serious relationship cause of work.

 

Im happy not to have a serious relationship at the moment cause i want to do other things but im ok "seeing him" once or twice a week, like being back at the start again. I asked him what about if we had met someone else and he replied we havent meet anyone else and we know each other inside out.

 

He wants companionship.

 

if its what you want then go with the flow carrie.. basically what im doing..

 

he said last time we met i wanted a bf.. i said well despite the chance to i havent so i guess its not wat i really want..

 

i miss being in a relationship but dont want a bf .. i said im happy as i am and tbh i am happy:)

 

ok id be happier with him but i know we need time

 

he did say its funny how we can just slip back to how we was like fit together again even after all this tme.. i just thought yea its cause we love each other..

he said we cannot live together or apart:love:

 

i didnt say much about our rs past or present, im just trying take it slow.. he wants to see me again so that good.

 

he did say he had some therapy to do with work and that me taking my daughter to see her dad behind his back.. really hurt him and we was never the same after..

i thought we had worked through it and was quite shocked we hadnt. i did say that if i had told him he wouldnt have agreed.. basically my daughters dad was my 1st love so part of me needed to see if anything was there.. i guess to me it would show how much i did infact love my ex.. which i deep down knew i did.. but also my daughters dad had a big hold of me/love/hate rs

and it was quite violent so i wanted to show that i was now a stronger person.. besides the fact i also wanted to be there for my daughter and support/protect her.. she had not seen her dad in 13 years.

 

but anyway he still was sad about it.. i explained but i know its something he will never forgive me for.

 

he did say keep your brothers mates away from you.. and was invisibly signing my back with k**** was here lol... i said its already thereno need to mark your terriotory which he said he was doing.

 

i could still very easilly cry in front of him.. he has my heart 100% and i know its risky to be vulnerable but

im willing to risk it..

 

it was a great night all in.. laughed alot talked alot and kissed alot.. plus more..

 

he said he had a **** week so wanted to see me:love:

 

think it went well x

 

sounds like yours is going good too:D

[foxh1234]

Ive been broken up since march 13th.. saw him for the last time a couple of months ago.. was really sad but after that we agreed to go nc.

 

Since then 2-3 weeks ago i slipped sent him message online.. he replied asking for my number... i sent it.. heard nothing so sent simple message week later.. he said he contact me the following week when less busy..

 

i have now heard that he is with someone else.. im so sad:sick:

i trully believed him during our rs that there was noone else.. i dont even know how he could have had time.. but seems it was going on.. i feel so stupid in that i thought i knew him inside out..

 

im my own worst enemy and im so gulliable.. my friends/family told me he must have someone else as he did not come back to me.. i just never believed it..

 

why did i believe him and not question him futher.. was i that insane that i would just accept his obvouis bull **** incase i lost him..

 

not only do i feel like i lost him but i now have lost the feeling to love and trust again..

 

i know its frowned upon to say he/she was the one.. but i trully believed it and everyone who knew us said we seemed in love..

 

he told me he left for other reasons and not us.. but seemed it was a big other reason..

 

i feel so lost.. so hurt and sad

 

Hi Sultry, I am so very sorry to hear this. I know how you feel and let me tell you, as bad as it feels now, at least you know now and you can start to heal. You will love and trust again as will I. It might not feel like it now, but we will. We both just need time to heal and I promise you will be OK.

[carrie3107]

Im not sure if its going well. Just going to go with the flow.

 

Going to give it a month of just keeping in contact, and popping over.

 

Yes i would like to say to him i would like to keep us as seeing each other a couple of times a week but will have to do the waiting game............

 

At the mo it feels like im re reading chapter 6 of a mills and boons book where they keep meeting again after they have broke up and keep on putting the book down then re pick it up and start the chapter again! lol

[sultry33]

Hi Sultry, I am so very sorry to hear this. I know how you feel and let me tell you, as bad as it feels now, at least you know now and you can start to heal. You will love and trust again as will I. It might not feel like it now, but we will. We both just need time to heal and I promise you will be OK.

 

thanks fox, im ok now, realised it was spam..some companies are mean:sick:

 

ive now seen him even though i freaked at him.. didnt scare him off.. which surprised me.. infact him replying surprised me.

we are not a couple but think we both feel that its not over.. so who knows what will happen, for now im just enjoying myself , i will always love him and maybe one day he will realise that we are meant to be.. *see above for fridays events* im hoping it was a good sign ..just going to go slow .. one day at a time.

 

i was worried that i may no feel the same about him a has been a couple of months but it felt like no time had passed at all.. once i was with him.

[foxh1234]

thanks fox, im ok now, realised it was spam..some companies are mean:sick:

 

ive now seen him even though i freaked at him.. didnt scare him off.. which surprised me.. infact him replying surprised me.

we are not a couple but think we both feel that its not over.. so who knows what will happen, for now im just enjoying myself , i will always love him and maybe one day he will realise that we are meant to be.. *see above for fridays events* im hoping it was a good sign ..just going to go slow .. one day at a time.

 

i was worried that i may no feel the same about him a has been a couple of months but it felt like no time had passed at all.. once i was with him.

 

That's great Sultry, I hope things work out for you. You seem like a great lady.

[sultry33]

Im not sure if its going well. Just going to go with the flow.

 

Going to give it a month of just keeping in contact, and popping over.

 

Yes i would like to say to him i would like to keep us as seeing each other a couple of times a week but will have to do the waiting game............

 

At the mo it feels like im re reading chapter 6 of a mills and boons book where they keep meeting again after they have broke up and keep on putting the book down then re pick it up and start the chapter again! lol

 

 

yeah but this book you dictate the ending lol

i wish life was more like tv.. you know where they realise that they love each other and they get back together..

 

sometimes i feel like saying

you love me right?

we like the same things?

we have similar morals/ life expectations?

we have loadsof good times.. not many rows..

great sex... i like your jokes.. i love you.. fancy you.. respect you.. want you..

dont want you for your money/car/ house..

fought for you.. protect you..

so what the hell do you want in your perfect other??

 

ok so i have pain in the butt kids.. but they loved him

i live too far from where he works.. i could move

i dont religiously clean.. ie its lived in.. i couldwould and do clean more now.. ie cut down on work..

 

i do think what does he want

[sultry33]

That's great Sultry, I hope things work out for you. You seem like a great lady.

thanks fox,

 

do youthink what he said is a good sign?

 

he did say its funny how we can just slip back to how we was like fit together again even after all this tme.. i just thought yea its cause we love each other..

he said we cannot live together or apart

 

im quite guarded now as dont want to ruin things as last time i pushed for answers too soon i think.