citizen67 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 speaking from the angry bitter place I am at, I am not convinced that it is better. Ingenue - wow you sound like you are doing great. I want to be at that place! I just learned that my ex, with whom I still had stuff going on even recently, has been dating someone who lives in my bldg, for a while now. I wasnt supposed to know. I feel betrayed and shocked that he is not the person I imagined him to be even when I had my most negative thoughts of him. I'm questioning everything now. But I am not just angry I am also sad. Basically I am a wreck
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 It sucks when your circumstances in life effect the situation with your bf or gf. it really does. and VaMama you prolly will get to the angry stage- not necessarily at him, but angry at what life handed to you. i certainly got there. i can say i dont hate my ex. not at all. sometimes i hate whats happened, and i hate that his feelings are different then mine, but deep down i cant control life and neither can he. he cant control those feelings....and i cant control mine. THATS what im angry about. thats also why im sad, indifferent, depressed, nauseous....u get the idea. I guess today its just a feeling of indifference. its out of my hands. if its gonna happen, it will- who knows when. Its like that Jordan Sparks song, cant think of the name! Whatever is going to happen will happen for each of us- in time. and time sucks. its either moving to fast or too slow. but when you're feeling hopeless....i guess the only thing you can do is have faith that things are happening just as they should!
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 i must be better today haha. ps- how do you private message someone?
Ingenue Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Ingenue - wow you sound like you are doing great. I want to be at that place! citizen, I was doing fairly well yesterday. But you know that entire roller coaster of emotions processing a breakup. I'm not even quite at the 2 month mark, so I'm quite certain that I'll be less calm about it all in the near future. I'm sorry to hear about your ex. I hope you're doing better today
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 ya know whats so weird? the mixture of emotions. sometimes you think that this was for the best and you're glad you don't have to deal with your ex's issues anymore....and at the same time you can be missing him so much. its just odd to me that you can feel two completely different emotions at once. just thought id think out loud a bit.
VAmama Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I go back and forth about what is worse... the angry, bitter break-up or the one I'm in now.... where it's not bitter, and two people are really hurting being apart, but can't find commonality on working through an issue. With the angry, bitter break-up.... it was easier to move on a way; I was so peeved at how I was treated, it made me want to go out there and find something better for myself. What was the hard part was letting go of that anger... cause it can just eat at you and make you miserable. Finding forgiveness with a wrong committed against you is a very difficult thing. But once you get there, there is peace. With the calm break-up..... it just sucks, b/c there is hope in a sense, and letting go of that hope, and trying to forge a future alone when all you want is a future together with your SO is difficult too..... Right now, it's hard for me to see if I will ever be able to look back on this relationship and not have regrets over what could have been.... I almost choke-up and can't breath thinking about it. I am trying to grieve, but I really seriously hate it. I want to feel better already. I want to see that light at the end of the tunnel.... to be enlightened as to why this happened; how I could find the love of my life and vice versa, and then life handed us a bitter card. I am angry about that; why did I need to feel this love, know that the potential for such love exsits, and then have it taken away. I know I just need to give myself time... but it's hard.
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 i totally understand VAmama...i dont know why God would say here ya go- taste what wonderful love feels like, then hand you a bad card. Maybe because experiencing that love IS great. and we deserve that part. but we also deserve the best. and as great as the relationship was, it was flawed- therefore not the very best. i guess the only thing you can do now is realize yes, it was wonderful but not perfect. and know that wonderful AND perfect is awaiting you.
VAmama Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 he cant control those feelings....and i cant control mine. THATS what im angry about. thats also why im sad, indifferent, depressed, nauseous....u get the idea. Whatever is going to happen will happen for each of us- in time. and time sucks. its either moving to fast or too slow. but when you're feeling hopeless....i guess the only thing you can do is have faith that things are happening just as they should! These are two things I am struggling with (I think I have a post in breaking-up on this). One... I think my ex can control his feelings... he can take tactics to fight the negativity. If you think negatively about something, you will think negatively. If you try to be positive, or see the positive in something that bothers you, you might not feel so negative. That he doesn't think he can... or doesn't want to make the effort, really hurts. I think what's hard about this break-up too, for me at least, is that when I was with my ex, time just seemed to FLY.... seriously, the last two years have felt like a whirlwind. We've done so much, shared so much.... these last 10 days have felt like two years to me. It is moving so slow right now, and I can't stand that.
roghornio Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 and know that wonderful AND perfect is awaiting you. It's a nice thought... but not guaranteed sadly Life is not always perfect nor does it guarantee itself to get better. We can but hope.
Beee Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Today is a bad day.... anxiety attacks and all.... everything feels so so enormous and that I can't get passed it. I keep seeing my ex in the corridor at work and all I want to do is hug him! I hope tomorrow will be better (i'm sorry about the sad post, but I thought writing on here might help)
VAmama Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 i guess the only thing you can do now is realize yes, it was wonderful but not perfect. and know that wonderful AND perfect is awaiting you. I guess I've never been a believer that everything is wonderful and perfect.... I always have seen myself, and others, as a work in progress. That relationships are always a work in progress and can be improved. Is that why I can't process that my relationship may really be over? B/c I hope that with work things can always be better?
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Vamama- i agree, i think things cant ever be perfect- but ya know, as good as it gets for YOU is what i meant. i think ur right, that is part of the issue with getting past a break up- that you're thinking realistically. its not gonna be perfect. so youre always gonna have things to work on. the difference? in my opinion, its that you acknowledge the issues and you want to fix them, work on them. evidently the ex's do not. mine just didnt want to try. he didnt think u should have to try that hard. and to an extent i agree, it shouldnt be like climbing everest. but if they arent willing to TRY- u cant change that. u cant make them. so sad. Beee- write away! it does help. im the saddest girl in the world when i post sometimes. today just happens to be a good day. sometimes someone saying one thing that u actually understand can just turn ur sadness off. so post all u want theres this usher song, moving mountains. sooooo good. u should all listen to it. really. it just says it so well.
almost famous Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I am sorry with what you're going through. So he just broke up with you out of the blue, huh, and now no contact? I think many of us have been there. So I will say this outright....I think he met someone else if he broke up with you like that just out of the blue, and that also explains the no calls or anything to see how you're doing, etc. I only say this because I think this might help you put closure on this. I hope it does.
Beee Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Do you just wake up one day and its all better? you wake up and don't think about him/her any more? about how horrible you feel? I can't stop thinking about him and ahow much I want to contact him..... I just want it to be better....
Author HopeDiesLast Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 Do you just wake up one day and its all better? you wake up and don't think about him/her any more? about how horrible you feel? I can't stop thinking about him and ahow much I want to contact him..... I just want it to be better.... i dont think u wake up one day and its better, Beee. i think each day the reality sinks in a little more, and in ur own way you let go even if its a 1/2 percent everyday. then each day you think a thought less about him. and then the days that are horrible dont happen as much. im almost 3 months out from the break up and i can feel myself letting go, even a little tiny itty bitty bit. i have no choice. nothing has changed and hes made it clear this is what he wants. he knows where i stand....so now i just live through the pain and the ups and downs and have faith that things are happening like they should.
replicator Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 i dont think u wake up one day and its better, Beee. i think each day the reality sinks in a little more, and in ur own way you let go even if its a 1/2 percent everyday. then each day you think a thought less about him. and then the days that are horrible dont happen as much. im almost 3 months out from the break up and i can feel myself letting go, even a little tiny itty bitty bit. i have no choice. nothing has changed and hes made it clear this is what he wants. he knows where i stand....so now i just live through the pain and the ups and downs and have faith that things are happening like they should. I agree with you. Each day, if ever so slightly, it sinks it a bit more, and you start to accept the situation. The biggest turning point for me, has been the ultimate realization that the choice and responsibility for how I will move forward in life is in my hands. I can choose to sulk and spent time agonizing about the break-up, or I can let go and focus on myself. I am now trying to see my situation as a challenge to be overcome. An opportunity to find in myself the strength I have always felt that I've lacked. If I can do that, then this has helped me grow as an individual.
Recommended Posts