Invicta Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Well, let's see. I'm 22 and he's 26. We've lived together for a bit over six months now. It's rare that we discuss our future but when we do he always talks about taking it slow. I feel that we're ready for the next step (marriage), but he doesn't. I've never mentioned to him directly that I'd like to be engaged, but, he's said on his own that he isn't ready and it's not that he doesn't want to marry "me". I'm a bit mixed up and looking for advice. Could it be a lost cause, is he ever going to be ready? What does 'taking it slow' actually mean?
Moose Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 What does 'taking it slow' actually mean?It means: "We're already engaged in sex, (just guessin' here) you already live here, why buy the cow when the milk is free?" You shouldn't of ever moved in.....common mistake for today's youth....
Rorocher Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 You'll probably have a difficult time dragging a 26 year old man to the Altar. How long have you been dating?
Author Invicta Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 You'll probably have a difficult time dragging a 26 year old man to the Altar. How long have you been dating? It's a strange situation. I've know him nearly my whole life (he's friends with my brother), but only been together for about seven months.
Rorocher Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Well, 7 months is a bit too soon for an engagement don't you think? Even if you've known him your whole life. Knowing him as your brother's friend is different from knowing him as your boyfriend/husband. Is there a particular reason why you're in a hurry?
Author Invicta Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 Well, 7 months is a bit too soon for an engagement don't you think? Even if you've known him your whole life. Knowing him as your brother's friend is different from knowing him as your boyfriend/husband. Is there a particular reason why you're in a hurry? I wouldn't say I'm in a hurry, just perplexed by his thoughts sometimes.
Rorocher Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Has he said he never wants to get married or did he give a timeline, like he doesn't see himself getting married for another 4, 5, whatever years? You want to know what "taking it slow" means? you just have to come right out and ask him. If he is someone you want to be married to, you have to be able to talk to him, no matter how seemingly difficult the conversation is. That's one of the ways you can find out if you're actually ready for this marriage thing.
Author Invicta Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 You want to know what "taking it slow" means? you just have to come right out and ask him. If he is someone you want to be married to, you have to be able to talk to him, no matter how seemingly difficult the conversation is. That's one of the ways you can find out if you're actually ready for this marriage thing. QFT, you gave me the push that I need. ☺
Dark-N-Romantic Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 It means: "We're already engaged in sex, (just guessin' here) you already live here, why buy the cow when the milk is free?" You shouldn't of ever moved in.....common mistake for today's youth.... I agree with you on that Moose, but the sad part is the youth are only doing it because they are seeing the elders do it or accept it. But to answer your question Invicta, maybe 6 month's is too soon for him. It may not mean he won't ever be ready or that he may not want to be married to you... It just means that there maybe certain things he needs met before he considers forever. Marriage is a challenge and it is not this mystical, wonderful thing that will cure all ails in the world... As a matter it is just the opposite. It is about taking every effort to stay together, not when the times are good and he is the perfect man in your eyes and heart... No, its about when the world on the outside is putting its weight on you and he's adding on to it. It is when you want to just drive a screwdriver through his forehead when he did what you told him not to do just a few moments ago, but being able to hold back those reactions and still cook dinner for him or do something nice because you love him. Invicta, VERY, VERY, VERY rarely is anyone ready to get married, let alone talk about it after 6 months. They are too caught up in the ecstasy of being in love to really commit to what real love is all about. Other things that might be on his mind are things like his and your parent's family life (some people are afraid to take the next step because they see what their parents went through). He may have higher educational goals which he may in his eyes be too much of a burden to add in a spouse. Maybe he is waiting for a change from you or your just a learning experience. Life and the human heart is not predictable and at best a risk. Now, on to you, while it is not all in his ball court to decide when he would like to get married... You are important in this too. If you feel so strongly about marriage, find a compromise with him. If you want to get married after a year of marriage and he four, find a middle ground between the time. If he can't commit to that then move on and don't waste your's or his time. You would be surprised how many men and women (majorially women) waste years of their lives hoping the one they love will take that ultimate step or change drastically because they love that person. In short, taking things slow does not mean a bad thing. But, it does not mean one moves at the other's speed either. Talk it out, reach a compromise, if none can be found, move on. DNR
Mr. Lucky Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I wouldn't say I'm in a hurry, just perplexed by his thoughts sometimes. If you're not in a hurry (his feelings aside), why are YOU ready to consider marriage after only six months? Mr. Lucky
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