Should I call her back now ?

[cybersmurf]

10 days ago, my girlfriend and I almost break up because of our frequents mutual disagreement. Until three months now, we were having a lot of small disgreements. They were not ''real fights'', those were just arguing on some irrelevant subjects that I brough in sometimes.

 

I tought maybe it was normal for us to adjust after 8 months of relationship. However, I was not patient with her the last week we were together, and I admit I have pushed the limit highter. She was way tired of discussing that evening when we ot a strange fight and she asked for a long break. That, because I thought it was too fast to break up totally.

 

I saw her the next morning and she was totally turning herself away from me, still asking me for a reflexion period. I tell her I love her and asked her to call me back as soon as she is ready. I fell it was already over this morning. I was pretty sad, because I went at her home to make things look brighter and to let her go start her 2 weeks break in a positive mood instead of the bad state of heart we were both on the evening we broke up. I let her begging her to think about us again. This was not my kind of behavior with her before ! I really love her so I think i was the right thing to do. However, I think begging her was not really the best move to get her back.

 

We were both really much in love in spite of those little lowdowns. She was a little bit more independant than me, but I was adjusting myself recently. She was making great efforts in a way she never does to stay with me. I love her way to much to loose her love and our couple under these circumstance. After a lot of talks with my friends, and a week and a half of break, I have 4 options now :

 

1 - Wait until she call me back (she could already have done this, and i'm affraid she is not gonna do this... it's sad, cause it means she doesn't care a lot about loosing me). This is the worst option, acording to me and my friend.

 

 

2 - Try to see her now, before it's too late and she started her new life without me. Avoid to talk about the past and try to see if she is already moved away from me. Maybe a risky one. But i would know the truth.

 

3 - Wait until the 2 complete weeks before calling her back. I think it would really be catastrophic. First, she is moving fast away from me (she didn't not called me yet.. so I suppose). And next, it doesn't make a difference to call her now, since she may already have made her choice. 1 week and a half is enought to see if you miss someone. And I have to care about myself. It's getting pretty difficult for me to live in the doubt of being with her again or not. She would probably be happy to see me back if she still have feelings for me.

 

4 - Write a positive email to her now, wait until i get a reply. This could be a good intermediate option. She will not be pressurize to write me back. But it means bringing up the relation on the table again. It could be repelling.

 

Fell free to ask question for helping my case

Thanks for your thoughts

[PurpleAngel]

You don’t have to remind her of anything, this situation is probably a HOT topic in her mind, you don’t have to write to her or call her or anything. Just give it space. The more you try to hold on to her right now, the further she will go. She knows where you are.

 

Remember LOVE ISN’T ENOUGH! So she has lots to think about! And perhaps you should take the time to reflect too.

 

My advice to you is, don’t do anything right now! Don’t write, call… etc…etc! Just leave her alone for a little while. Perhaps when some time has passed then you can contact her again. Don’t be scared of her moving away cos if you are meant to be together it will work out in the end. Sometimes a break is as good as a holiday and you never know it might be for the best!

 

Be strong. Have some faith that you are being looked after and that everything will work out!

 

Good Luck

~PurpleAngel~

[maui2k4]

I am in the same exact boat. I have dated a woman for the better part of the last year and 3 weeks ago we broke up with her saying she was not ready for the level of commitment I was looking for and needed time by herself. Well, over the first two weeks of the break up I still called or emailed or IMed her and that did absolutely no good. We did not have a fight or anything, but all it did was not encourage her to come back as it was a stress to talk to me.

 

The only way I know my ex would even consider coming back is if she did not think it was stressful. So in the last 3 days I have not contacted her at all and she said last Friday that she would call me this week. My best guess is that Wed or Thursday night would be the earliest, I am going to let her come to me none the less. I hate doing that and almost gave in and IMed her last night, but if I had I would be back at square one.

 

Essentially I need to gain back my self confidence. That will in the end make me feel better and stop losing sleep and also make myself attractive. If not to her than someone else. Women do not like sappy emails and puppy dog eyes. I tried that - it does not work. As hard as it is, you have to let her come to you. I have no idea if my ex will call this week or come back, but I have to give "time" a chance as it is my only option. In the end it will either bring her back or I will have adjusted and have been able to move on. I cannot make her want to date me or love me, only she can make that decision and it is now hers to make. It is her turn to make the next move.

 

It sucks badly to know she is only a phone call or Instant Message away, but I cannot give in and make myself look weak and neither should you... In the end it will be for the best.

 

Anyone have suggestions on how to handle the call when she calls this week???

[maui2k4]

Almost a year ago to the day I posted on here about my ex about the same exact situation. Now here I am again in the same sinking boat with her sailing away. Last year at the same time she moved on to another guy. We got back together now we are broken up again and she has again found someone else who she met last week. I hope that I do not find myself in another year singing the same sob story about this one. I have been burnt more than one by this woman and I hopefully have learned my lesson. When she told me this last time that she met someone else last week and there was an instant connection - this was deja vu. Then she proceeds to tell me that I should take time off and not date anyone. Sounds like she does not want me to start dating someone else in hopes she can have me as her security blanket. Any other opinions? I know I have to cut all ties completely which I did not do last year. I may have said I was doing that, but I never really did. This viscious cycle has to end and I wish I knew for certain the best way out. I hope two things happen - 1) I find someone better than her and 2) she sticks with this guy and leaves me alone. My concern is that if for some reason in 2 or 3 months it does not work out for her with this guy she will try to sink her claws into me once again... Any advice on this??? How to make sure I get this venom out of my system? It has seemed like an addiction for the two of us that we end up in the same boat - back together only to break up again... I can't take any more of this roller coaster ride.