mizzy_C Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 6 months now. We trust each other and have good open communication. He's leaving the beginning of September to go to college 4 hours away. His course is 2 years long. He's 22 and i'm 19, almost 20. I'm a little nervous about him leaving, because i had a boyfriend move off to college when i was younger, and it didn't last. I'm older now and know more of what i want in a relationship and my boyfriend has all those qualities that i want in a person so I have more faith that this relationship will last compaired to my other ones. I know he will come home atleast once a month, maybe twice a month, so I guess it won't be that bad, but we are so used to seeing each other every day and spending the night together almost every night. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I'm worried that If i don't see him all the time like i'm used to, and when i do see him i won't feel that closeness that we have. The only reason i'm worried about this is because whenever someone i really care about leaves for an amount of time, and then comes back, i feel distant from them when i see them again. I've been out of highschool for over a year now, and don't have a steady job in my home town. Me and my boyfriend have discussed me moving to the same city as he is going to, and find a job there. Possibly moving into his apartment. If i were to do that it wouldn't be until december/january though because I have to be more finanicaly stable before i move. I've read about how living together before marriage raises the rates of divorce/ or failure in a relationship and that kind of scares me because I don't want to cause problems in our relationship by moving in with him. I'm stuck between staying home and having a LDR, moving to the city to be with him, or moving in with him. Any advice?
chutzpah89 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 wow. This sounds pretty much EXACTLY what I was going through a year ago. My boyfriend and I had been together for 6 months b4 he was to move away to college (3.5 hrs away). We were both 18 years old. We were completely in love, stayed together pretty much all the time, and we were really not looking forward to him moving away. I'm not sure if moving in would be the best option for you. Personally, I would wait until you have been dating for atleast 1.5-2 years b4 that happened. I know a lot of couples that have moved in early on in the relationship (some more than 6 months) and its not ended well for any of them. But its up to you. Anywho...its really hard to get used to an LDR but if you're like me and my SO, we are still together and he has just left for his 2nd year (final year) at college. He visits me one weekend a month or so and os home for the holidays. I went to visit him once (only because its hard for me to get off work and all.) Key thing in an LDR and things that have helped me and my SO are the following: -talk everyday (little txts, calling at night b4 bed, are great thinsg to do. Be sure to talk everyday, even if its about the stupidest things, be sure he knows everything going on in your everday life and vice versa. That way you feel like you're a part of it) -write letters ( writing love letters to express the way you feel are very thoughtful and a great keepsake for your SO) -celebrate month anniversaries (its great to look back and say "wow...we've been doing this for "X" amount of time") -share important milestones together (talk about great successes and things that you have accomplished that are important to you) -stay social (you'll be depressed for a while when he leaves, and at times later on, its good to keep a busy schedule and be around loved ones and friends (who suport you and your relationship) often) -talk about the future (its good to talk about the future together. Just recently, me and my SO had a discussion that we want to get married one day, have kids, etc. Its something to look forward to when he gets back and I LOVE it) All of these things are very important in an LDR. I've been through alot and hopefully you'll be in my positon a year from now. My LDR has been a success and it takes two (you and your SO.) Be sure to act like a team (if one person puts in more effort than the other...it won't work) And BE SURE to state expectation up front before he leaves. If you follow these things and are commited like me and my SO, I don't see you two having a problem. Good Luck!
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