Cannondale Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I was screwing around on my computer last night and came across some old IM's between me an my ex, my computer saved them for w/e reason. All I can say is wow, I was a complete a-hole to her on a lot of them, and for really no reason. I had no idea I could even act like this to people, I was just really argumentative on a lot of the convo's and for no good reason. My mother has always said I could be like this, but I just never saw it. It's just tough now bec. I can see I did play a pretty big part in the downfall of the reltionship. She definitely had her part too, but I'm just amazed at how much of an a** I was, this is definitely not who I am or who I want to be. I almost feel like sending her an e-mail to applogize, would that even be worth it? Anyone else had a similar experience? Thanks
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I almost feel like sending her an e-mail to applogize, would that even be worth it? Anyone else had a similar experience? 'tis never too late to realize one was wrong. Go for it. Just make sure you're doing it for yourself, and not in a misguided effort to get back together.
citizen67 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I would be appreciative if an ex sent me an email saying upon reflection, I shoulda been nicer to you
Author Cannondale Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 'tis never too late to realize one was wrong. Go for it. Just make sure you're doing it for yourself, and not in a misguided effort to get back together. She's with someone new now anyways, and I don't really know if we were compatible over the long term, we had a lot of chemistry, but we were different personality types. Idk, I just don't want to be weird. I am just blown away at how much a prick I was, I serious have not a clue why I acted like that and how I didn't realize what I was doing.
BackonTrack Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Dude, its life, people make mistakes. Yes you were a prick, so was she. Yes you feel bad, she probably doesn't realize she was a prick either. at the end of the day, you were are not together, its over, its the past, its like you seeing someone getting robbed on the street, you wait 3 weeks before you call the cops. its pointless.... on that same note, i was dating a girl, i made a mistake, i apoligized a month later, we hooked back up, but it wasn't the same, it fell apart again mainly because i didn't really care about her... all i'm saying is, she's with someone else now, forget about her, don't send her any emails apoligizing, don't do anything, if you see her in the street, just be civil and say hello or say nothing, but letting her now that your still thinking about her while she is with someone else, is just pointless and will only reinforce in her mind that she made the right decision because you in essence is just confirming to her that you are in deed a prick because your now apoligizing. just write the letter to yourself, read it to yourself, and know in your heart you made many mistakes, in your next relationship just don't do it again.
wareagle Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I agree with backontrack, It will serve no purpose now to apologize for things done. It's the past learn from your mistakes and move on. I to regret some of the things that I did during my relationship, but I was dirty popped by her so many times I now don't feel bad about the things that I have done!
Author Cannondale Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 I haven't still been thinking about her, I just came across the IM's and then realized how I was. Yeah the "saying sorry" thing is a dumb idea, thanks for setting me straight.
sunshinegirl Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 It depends entirely on the purpose for the apology. If it's to acknowledge treating someone poorly when they didn't deserve it (when DOES someone deserve to be treated poorly?) then YES, by all means! It is, on the other hand, a waste of time if you want to use the apology to see her again, be in contact, get back together, show you're a good guy, distract her from the new guy, or any other purpose like that. BackonTrack is right if that's the case. But I will never advocate NOT apologizing when you know you've done wrong just because it's "in the past". If we all went through life never apologizing for our crappy behavior because it happened in the past, nobody would ever say they're sorry for anything, ever. To be honest, I would still be very grateful to hear my very first boyfriend from 6+ years ago apologize for his unbelievably hurtful behavior toward me when we were together. I've forgiven him but never forgotten. For him to show a little remorse or real sorrow would bring 100% closure to that crummy time in my life.
citizen67 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Canondale - listen to sunshine girl - the guys' remarks here reminded me of what jerks guys can be. If you want her to think that you were a jerk just like the rest of 'em then be all proud of what a jerk you were "in the past" - if you want her to remember the good times and think favorably towards you then be a real man and do what you know is right. A sincere apology, with no strings attached - just hey on reflection, I was wrong and I'm sorry for that- has tremendous healing powers to the giver and receiver - or you could just continue to be a jerk - like you were in the past
Ingenue Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I'm in agreement with sunshine girl and citizen. If your apology is truly sincere and given without any strings, then it can have remarkable powers for the receiver. She won't think of you as just another one of "those men". I've received apologies from friends months or years later and I've been appreciative of the sincerity and the reflection that my friends did.
nopainnogain Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 LIe my boss says.... "i dont have time for sorry" lol
sedgwick Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 As a woman, I cannot even express to you how much it would mean if one of my exes who treated me badly let me know he realized it. If I ever received an apology from my ex, I would be totally blown away. I hope you will take the opportunity to send her a brief apology. Even just a couple of lines. It would seriously mean the world to me if one of my exes did this.
nopainnogain Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 My ex would do wonders for me if she sent me an apology out of the blue. But that probably will never happen.
Author Cannondale Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Hmmm, I want to, but I'm a bit hesitant to. I just think she'll think I'm trying to get back with her or something, which I'm not at all. Hey, I know this is weird, but I just wanted to say sorry for the times that I was a jerk to you in the past. I don't really have any excuse for it other than I had way, way too much on my plate at the time and it ended up negatively affecting my relationships with people. Again I know this is weird, but just realized how I was recently and I just wanted to take the time to apologize. I haven't talked to you in a while so I hope all is well with you, and stuff is going good. ^How's that sound? I still feel odd about sending it as I never got a formal apology from her about the nasty things she said and did to me through the break up, but I think it's time to man up about it.
citizen67 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Cannondale - that sounds fine - and I wouldnt think a guy who sent me that was trying to get back with me, I would take it for what it is, an apology. The fact that she never apologized to you has nothing to do with it. You are actually doing this more for yourself than anyone else - although she is sure to have a positive reaction to it, and there's a fairly good chance that she'll respond with "hey I said some nasty stuff too, so I am sorry as well"
Ingenue Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Cannondale - your apology sounds fine. And there's something to be said for being a better person and acknowledging the mistakes of the past. The fact that she hasn't offered an apology speaks to her character, not yours. As citizen said, you're doing this for yourself
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