Hueydo Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 So here's the deal with what is going on with me. I'll try to be brief... I decided to break up with my boyfriend because I was feeling like he didn't really care about me or the relationship that much anymore and I didn't want to be strung along if that were the case. I don't know if I'm being paranoid in thinking that or if he actually really does feel that way--nothing major happened, but it's just the little things.... So I have been NC with him for going on 4 days and I haven't even heard from him at all. I feel like he either doesn't care about me/the relationship or he takes me for granted and thinks I'll never really leave him. I'll be honest, I have pulled this type of "stunt" before, but I truly mean it this time. I guess he isn't talking to me because he either doesn't care or he isn't taking me seriously and thinks he can have me back at any time (or that I will go back to him as I have done many times in the past).... I should add that I'm not doing this as a "game." If he doesn't try to get me back, I'll be ok with that because I'll KNOW how he really feels about me and I can be on my way towards moving on. If he does try to get me back, I think he will have realized what he is missing and stop taking me for granted. Either way, I THINK it's a good decision for me to make...What do you guys think? Oh and we've been together for a year and 9 months if that helps at all Thanks for listening
saams Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 if he doesnt call you or contact you then just forget about him, in that case he truely doesnt care... if he does contact you then make him suffer abit, show him what he is doing is not accepable and you are serious about leaving him. and no matter what dont contact him for any reason, he needs to know you are serious.
4dviceJunki3 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Well, here's the deal with your situation. First of all, assuming that he doesn't care and then breaking it off because you've convinced yourself that he doesn't isn't the best tactic; you need to communicate with him; talk to him and find out what's really on his mind. If he doesn't want to tell you in person that he doesn't care anymore and you really feel that way, then what you need to do is tell him that both of you need to take a step back from the relationship. Also, how was he before when you first got together and how has he changed that made you feel this way? When did you start seeing this change? Did he meet specific person and then this started to surface for you or just out of no where? You have to seriously ask yourself a lot of questions because for all you know, you could just be paranoid and making a bad decision and then he'll think that YOU don't care and you just used the whole "he doesn't care about you" excuse to break it off with him. A reason that he hasn't contacted you ever since the break-up could be that he just wants to play the "If I don't call, she eventually will call" game. A lot of people like to do that just to test the waters of their partners. At this point, you could just hold off calling him and see if he contacts you but you truly will not know if he cares or not by doing this; you will need to speak with him; maybe give it a week or so and then talk to him about it. Let him know that you don't want to waste your time and so if he thinks that he is going to do that to you, then he needs to let you know so that you can move onto something that is worth putting effort into.
Author Hueydo Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 thanks so much for your replies! advicejunkie, i have TRIED to talk to him about it before i did this but he just doesn't listen or talk to me or take me seriously. im really FED UP with it. i want him to know that he can't ignore me and think that i'll always be around no matter what. i feel like if i don't do this and i break contact after this he will NEVER take me seriously and nothing will change. i dont think the change has anything to do with him meeting anyone else. in the beginning of the relationship things were good. there are a lot of reasons why i feel like he doesn't care. one of the main reasons is that we dont spend a lot of time together because he is really focused on work. he doesn't seem bothered by the fact that we rarely spend time together...granted he doesn't really spend time with friends or family either, but still...
4dviceJunki3 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Well then if you've tried to talk to him and haven't really been able to succeed because he doesn't want to listen, then I guess that's his problem. You're obviously the better person in this situation because you're trying to make things work and you're taking it seriously. Work can get in the way with a lot of things and you as a person need to understand not to intefer with work or school which it seems that you haven't so that's good. A lot of times, people will be overwhelmed with work and what not so they will turn to their friends or their significant others for some comfort. From the looks of it, you did the right thing by breaking it off. Maybe both of you need to take a break from each other. If he truly cares, he'll realize within due time that you're the person he wants to be with. Just try to focus on positive things for yourself. Take the free time that you now have to be productive and make something happen for yourself. Relationship isn't the biggest part of life and there will always be someone that you can pursue something with; for now, focus on work, school, or whatever it is that is important to you and eventually things will unfold, whether good or bad, you'll just need to learn how to cope with them.
Melrapuo Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 When did you two initially break up? If you've seen the advice on some of these forums, you'll notice that a lot of people who HAVE been dumped tend to be told to stop begging and pleading with their ex to take them back. And in order to do this, NC is needed for them to get themselves together. There could be a chance that he isn't talking to you simply for that reason. Then again, it could be for a different reason. But the WORST thing you can do is assume. Here's my advice - people tend to not resolve things between each other because either A.) they refuse to listen to each other, or B.) they refuse to communicate. Don't assume things simply because of your current situation. Lay it all out there; tell him how you feel. If he does nothing about it, then let him go. But make sure you at least get everything out in the open, because if you don't then you may regret it. And I'm sure if there's things he has to say, then he'll regret it too. Hmm...a year and nine months? And you haven't talked to him in four days? This sounds familiar to my time frame. Are YOU my ex?
0hpenelope Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Hm... Interesting thought I just had. Lawrence and I were working bf-gf things out as friends. Yeah, no wonder that "friendship" didn't work out. Anyway. Stick to your guns. He needs to take you seriously, right? Well, if you go back, say "Nevermind", and have the whole thing start over again (such a vicious cycle...), then you're showing him someone who can't even trust their own words. I frequent the Separation and Divorce forums and one of the users over there is a retired Marine. He has this to say. If (you're) not master of yourself ~ (you're) master of nothing! Don't back down from this.
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