Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 yeah if you are already his girlfriend then i wouldnt worry about it. it is a 50/50 thing. half of the guys like stickin' and movin' and half like having a steady sex partner and not being alone. he seems like the type who likes having a girlfriend. he probably looks at his friend and thanks God that he is nothing like him and doesnt have to deal with the crap he has to deal with. when i was married i hung out with my single friends and felt lucky that i wasn't them. Yeah, I don't think he REALLY wants to be single. When he went to the bar with his friend he texted me like 20 times telling me how hot I was lol. He told me afterwards that he was glad that he didn't have to find girls to pick up because he already had one.
bigmanpayne Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Yeah, I don't think he REALLY wants to be single. When he went to the bar with his friend he texted me like 20 times telling me how hot I was lol. He told me afterwards that he was glad that he didn't have to find girls to pick up because he already had one. well then stop worrying. you probably should turn your paranoia into thankfulness and happiness. things always work themselves/itself out. you will probably be fine, happy, engaged or married by this time next year.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 The above struck me as VERY odd. How is his friend hanging out w/ your bf (his old, good friend) turn in to the friend not having his own life? Hanging out with friends IS having a life! It seems like you want to push everyone away and out of your bf's life so it's just the two of you. I think you have a great relationship LB and I'm happy for you. I also feel like I can relate to you in some ways, we're the same age, have both been in our Rs about 2 years, live w/ our SOs etc. But sometimes you say something that seriously throws me for such a loop. Would you have preferred that your bf called you a million times while you were gone to tell you he misses you and needs you home? In my opinion he acted like a normal, healthy, sane, young man in a relationship by hanging out with a friend. Okay I missed Allina's post here. What you are saying makes sense I know. I didn't want him to be at home pining away for me. Like I said I don't know why I'm so jealous. When he went away to Cleveland that weekend to visit his friend and I was home all weekend, I only hung out with my one friend for one night. The rest of the weekend I was by myself. Ordinarily I would have been with my best friend if she hadnt moved. So I guess I was lonely and upset, but when I went away and he wasn't lonely and upset, I may have been a little resentful of that. I need to make some new friends. I'm not very good at that though, I am pretty shy and quiet. I'm not the type of person to just go up to someone and start talking to them. I hate feeling this way, it's so frustrating.
allina Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Okay I missed Allina's post here. What you are saying makes sense I know. I didn't want him to be at home pining away for me. Like I said I don't know why I'm so jealous. When he went away to Cleveland that weekend to visit his friend and I was home all weekend, I only hung out with my one friend for one night. The rest of the weekend I was by myself. Ordinarily I would have been with my best friend if she hadnt moved. So I guess I was lonely and upset, but when I went away and he wasn't lonely and upset, I may have been a little resentful of that. I need to make some new friends. I'm not very good at that though, I am pretty shy and quiet. I'm not the type of person to just go up to someone and start talking to them. I hate feeling this way, it's so frustrating. Sometimes people just have certain feelings come up though we know they aren't the most rational. It does seem that you're aware of why you feel this way and you aren't taking your feelings out on your bf which is great. Hang in there, there is nothing wrong with needing to vent or feeling a little worried once in a while.
Ariadne Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 And as always in these type of threads... The back-pedaling and everything is ok: ------------ ~ I realized I was being stupid ~ Everything is fine with my bf ~ I had this stupid gut reaction ~ I don't know why it bothers me ~ I do trust him ~ I do have some insecurities... I'm trying to work through these ~ I'm really trying to not rely on him so much ~ I do get too wrapped up in my bf and neglect my own free time ~ I realize that I am being a little too dependent, and I am trying to change that ~ I realized I was being rediculous ~ I think that my jealousy and reliance on my bf is because I feel like I don't have anyone else (the excuse)
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 And as always in these type of threads... The back-pedaling and everything is ok: ------------ ~ I realized I was being stupid ~ Everything is fine with my bf ~ I had this stupid gut reaction ~ I don't know why it bothers me ~ I do trust him ~ I do have some insecurities... I'm trying to work through these ~ I'm really trying to not rely on him so much ~ I do get too wrapped up in my bf and neglect my own free time ~ I realize that I am being a little too dependent, and I am trying to change that ~ I realized I was being rediculous ~ I think that my jealousy and reliance on my bf is because I feel like I don't have anyone else (the excuse) Yeah, I'm mixed up. I actually am going to make an appointment to see a psychologist to see if she can help me.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 (the new excuse) Not an excuse. The truth.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 (the new excuse) What makes you think that is excuse...
whichwayisup Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I tend to feel like the third wheel when I'm around them. Then BE one of the guys when you hang out with them. Be silly, be funny and just go with the flow. Hanging with guys, especially your boyfriends BF can be fun! My H and his BF are hilarious together..I join in and make comments, fart and stuff. DO things with them, go GOcarting, rent stupid funny movies, even try afew video games with them, if they're into that sort of thing.. Yeah, I'm mixed up. I actually am going to make an appointment to see a psychologist to see if she can help me. Great idea. Your past hurts are real but they shouldn't be affecting you so much in the now. Everyone has insecurities, worry's and stuff, but when you let them take over, you think too much, it messes you up. (that last part is general you, not "you" you..)
Walk Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 LB isn't being stupid about her gut reaction. I don't know all the dates, but last I heard LB talk about the amount of time her bf spends with his friends (guy weekends without the gf's), it was some where along the line of 3 out of 4 of the weekends for the past couple months. A weekend away with the guys prior to the "guy weekend thread" He had a guy weekend at his house. Weekend in vegas for a bachelor party. This past weekend with his guy friend. Talking about the next weekend with his guy friend. I would honestly be a bit bugged by that. Even if all that occured in the span of 3 months, I'd still be bugged. That'd be 2 to 3 weekends every month pretending to not be in a relationship. Even if it's as low as only 2 weekends a month, that means 1/2 of LBs and her bfs free time together is devoted to her bf drinking and bar hopping with his guy friends. So I personally think LB has a legitimate concern for how she feels. I just think she needs to find a better way to handle her concern then 1.) Ignoring it, 2.) Blowing up about it. (not that you blow up.. but it could be an option).
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 LB isn't being stupid about her gut reaction. I don't know all the dates, but last I heard LB talk about the amount of time her bf spends with his friends (guy weekends without the gf's), it was some where along the line of 3 out of 4 of the weekends for the past couple months. A weekend away with the guys prior to the "guy weekend thread" He had a guy weekend at his house. Weekend in vegas for a bachelor party. This past weekend with his guy friend. Talking about the next weekend with his guy friend. I would honestly be a bit bugged by that. Even if all that occured in the span of 3 months, I'd still be bugged. That'd be 2 to 3 weekends every month pretending to not be in a relationship. Even if it's as low as only 2 weekends a month, that means 1/2 of LBs and her bfs free time together is devoted to her bf drinking and bar hopping with his guy friends. So I personally think LB has a legitimate concern for how she feels. I just think she needs to find a better way to handle her concern then 1.) Ignoring it, 2.) Blowing up about it. (not that you blow up.. but it could be an option). Thanks Walk. His friends are important to him, I completely understand that. I feel jealous or insecure, maybe both. I want to sort out my feelings before I destroy my relationship. The psychologist I called specializes in depression, stress, and relationship issues. So that sounds right up my alley.
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 LB isn't being stupid about her gut reaction. I don't know all the dates, but last I heard LB talk about the amount of time her bf spends with his friends (guy weekends without the gf's), it was some where along the line of 3 out of 4 of the weekends for the past couple months. A weekend away with the guys prior to the "guy weekend thread" He had a guy weekend at his house. Weekend in vegas for a bachelor party. This past weekend with his guy friend. Talking about the next weekend with his guy friend. I would honestly be a bit bugged by that. Even if all that occured in the span of 3 months, I'd still be bugged. That'd be 2 to 3 weekends every month pretending to not be in a relationship. Even if it's as low as only 2 weekends a month, that means 1/2 of LBs and her bfs free time together is devoted to her bf drinking and bar hopping with his guy friends. So I personally think LB has a legitimate concern for how she feels. I just think she needs to find a better way to handle her concern then 1.) Ignoring it, 2.) Blowing up about it. (not that you blow up.. but it could be an option). I'm curious whether he would have devoted so much time to his buddies if they didn't live together. I guess we'll never know. But his behavior is starting to demonstrate that he takes her for granted.
Walk Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I'm curious whether he would have devoted so much time to his buddies if they didn't live together. I guess we'll never know. But his behavior is starting to demonstrate that he takes her for granted. I was under the impression that the time he spent with his buddies pre-move in was roughly the same as post-move in. LB, would you say that's roughly correct, or incorrect?
Citizen Erased Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I'm curious whether he would have devoted so much time to his buddies if they didn't live together. I guess we'll never know. But his behavior is starting to demonstrate that he takes her for granted. I agree. I don't know if is just all of these guy only things have come at once, but my boyfriend and I never spend this amount of time away from each other on weekends. We'd both go out of our way to make them time for each other. And if that means not hanging out with one of our friends for one weekend, then it's done. Oh and we live together. I think it is always important to spend time together away from the stresses of the normal work week. Otherwise you just end up like two roomates sharing the same bed.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 I was under the impression that the time he spent with his buddies pre-move in was roughly the same as post-move in. LB, would you say that's roughly correct, or incorrect? Well, before we moved into together we had a long distance relationship, so we only saw each other on weekends. I would come visit him for a weekend, then he would come see me at college. So we WOULD spend the entire weekend together. We would go visit his friend in Cleveland on occasion. Then I moved home to where he lives and we moved in together. So now he says it's different because since we live together and see each other everday, there is more time for us to have our own time on the weekend (doing things alone, with other friends, ect). So the schedule is a little different now for spending time together. The weekends really ARE our quality time though, we both work full time so we spend a total of like 2 hours together during weekdays. We had a long talk last night though, and he said that some of his work friends want to go on a double date with us this weekend. He said he knows that I am lonely without many friends, so he said he is going to try to set some double dates up for us so we can do things together. Oh and when I got home from work yesterday, there was a huge bouquet of flowers sitting on the coffee table with a note saying "these are because I love you."
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