Hurting from a breakup

August 18, 2008

Hey guys, I'm new here. I've just joined as 10 days ago me and the love of my life broke up. We spent nearly two years together and it was absolutely wonderful, I've never been so happy in my life.

Her reason for breaking up for me was that "she wasn't sure she felt the same about me anymore".

Since we have broken up I have been distraught, I've trolled the internet for the best advice on situations like this. Me and my ex have stayed in contact and even been out a few times as friends. About 4 days ago she came over here and we talked about our relationship together and how amazing it was. When we were together we talked about spending the rest of our lives together and starting a family in the future. It made me feel so secure and I wish we could sort something out. I am just hoping some people could give me some advice on how to try and win her heart back, because we were so happy together and life without her at the moment really is horrible. I've spent so much time with my friends over the last few days and they have said not to give up on her if I really do love her. Me and my ex have a history of being able to sort things out, I really do love this girl so any advice would be welcome, thanks in advance folks

August 18, 2008

I know how you feel. I went thru it a while ago. This was the only thing that helped me cope and get him back. It works for men and women

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[COLOR=blue][FONT=Verdana]Best of luck;)[/FONT][/COLOR]

Thanks for that, got any advice for me in general though? Shes been away for a few days, I am hoping to see her tomorrow evening just as friends. What should I do? I need to save this relationship, she really does mean everything to me and what we had was very very special. How did you manage to get him back? At least I can see there is hope for me to get my girlfriend back.

August 18, 2008

Well, it's very unfortunate to have to deal with this situation brother and I know how you feel when you feel as if you've lost the one.

You have to understand that what she told you may have been her way of saying that she may have found somebody else in her life. I've found it that when a girl says they "they need to figure out what they want for themselves first", they've always had somebody else, regardless of what that person meant to them. This is at least based on my personal experience.

What you need to do is evaluate the situation. Ask yourself, this girl devoted 2 yrs of her life to you and you did the same, why would she say that she wants to figure out what she wants for herself out of the blue? Obviously something came along the way that either is in the process of changing her mind or is making her think things differently. To me, it may seem like a perspective change. Perspective of you, or of a relationship as a whole. Maybe she demanded more things from you and didn't receive it. Maybe you didn't see these demands and were completely oblivious to them.

The best thing to do is to sit down with her and talk it out. Just because you guys broke up doesn't necessarily mean that it's over. Learn to communicate. That's why comm. is one of the most important responsibilities each person needs to understand and have in a relationship. If both parties aren't moving at the same pace, the relationship becomes very unbalanced and perspective changes.

Ask her what it is that is complicating things for herself. Ask her what is it really that she wants to figure out. Does she not know who she truly wants to be with? Is there another person in her life? Was it something that YOU did in the past that has now caught up and is making her think differently? Let her know that you love her and that you truly want to be with her; see if she responds positively or negatively. Based on her response so that question, you can then ask "What did you see in the future during the past 2 yrs that you spent devoting your life to me?" You kind of have to feel our her mood and how she is acting with you and naturally, you should be able to pick up on her vibes. Now, I used to want to major in psychology so I took many classes and got really into it, so for me, I'm a very detail-oriented person. I look for eye movements, muscle movements, licking lips, looking to the left or right when answering, how she comes dressed the day you meet up to talk, etc.

I hope for the best for you and really wish things look up because it would definitely suck to have to get over someone that you've been with for 2 yrs but sometimes, you'll have to do what it takes to better yourself.

PS: Trying to win her back isn't the best tactic because if she doesn't want to be with you, that will eventually surface again in the future after a given amount of time. She needs to truly want to be with you. Oh, and MAYBE, she really does need just a little time to figure things out for herself. Maybe she still has feelings for her ex or something and it's complicating things for her. Feel it out, and once again, good luck! =)

August 18, 2008

Aleed.....the best way to win her back is to be her friend. Don't talk about the past.

This is your moment to shine. To not have the pressure of a relationship and show her the person you are.

This is a moment for you to get busy with your personal life and do things with out her so when you're hanging out you can be like "man I went skydiving this weekend, was a blast!" And she will think "Man wish I could of done that with you"

She needs to see the fun and the man she did have feelings for before.

Best of luck, slow and mellow and keep it cool.

August 18, 2008

Thanks for the brilliant advice guys, its fantastic seriously. All I can say is that since we have broken up, we have acted as mates and although it is weird it is nice we are still in contact and we can make sure each other is okay. Today I mostly spent out with other friends and I tried to keep the relationship stuff at the back of my head for now, the guys seem to think she still has strong feelings for me as whenever I have plans to do things she seems to get jealous, especially when other females are involved, only friends. Also the fact that we keep in touch means that she still cares. I know this could be a long process until I have her back in my arms but she is seriously worth the wait, she is one in a million, she is my world. All I can do is follow your advice, stay cool. It hasn't been long since we broke up and to be honest we both need to get our head around things. Its been hard, she doesn't show her emotions easily, she likes to keep things in. There is a strong possibility that we will end up going out together, albeit with a group of mutual friends in a few days time, which would be nice, maybe a chance to talk and see how things are. I don't think it would be a good idea to bring up the subject of "us" just yet! But the response off ou guys is heartwarming and I will defiantly be taking your advice, if theres anymore advice its gratefully received!

August 18, 2008

No, don't bring it up at all. When you both feel the time is right, you will both know it and possibly just stare into each others eyes and just sort of merge into one another with both having an understanding that you guys are back, actions speak louder than words so that would be the case for you! =)

August 18, 2008

How old are you guys? Sometimes in a passive aggressive way, some (not all) women have a tendency of trying to push guys to a limit to see where they stand. After a few years (depending on age) women want to know where they stand without having to ask. You want to know that you are thinking of the relationship as long term. Even though you may talk about it, she may be ready to make "the move". It's sort of a way of gauging from your reaction how you feel without coming right out and saying, why are you not talking to me about marriage or better yet asking me to marry you. I may be way off base here but I have known some personal situations where this was the case and that was my first thought when I read your post. I know it's childish but the game does sometime get played that way. Anyway, do you think that could be her issue? Take that into consideration. Also, find out what she means about "not feeling the same way about you anymore."

August 19, 2008

Since we have broken up she has been speaking to a guy on myspace, and they are meeting later on today. She has admitted to having feelings for him and when we spoke last night she told me to leave her alone for a while. I am obviously devastated, its horrible. When I told my friends they believe she may be on the rebound. Only time will tell I guess, but when I spoke to the guy she likes he was very understanding and agreed he wouldn't go to quickly and would try to have a word for me, I can't see it happening.

August 19, 2008

I say just let her go and find out on her own what she wants for herself. Meanwhile, you need to not bring yourself down so much and try not to think about it so much even though that feeling seems impossible.

The best way to approach this is to keep NC and just do your thing. Try to meet someone else and start something up; doesn't necessarily have to be a rebound but someone who can comfort you. She could be using that guy as a rebound although it may not be the case. It usually always appears that way when someone breaks off a relationship and bounces right back into another one, people always perceive it as a rebound but not always.

August 19, 2008

I'll keep my chin up and see what happens, she met the guy today and I saw them together when I went to get a takeaway. Not much to report but she said they had a good time and whatever. I am so jealous right now, but I have to keep a cool head and keep calm.

August 20, 2008

She seems to have moved on, her and this guy will probably end up together. Everyone is saying she must still have feelings for me as she still checks up on me etc, but she can be really horrible sometimes too. Its only been 2 weeks since we broke up, I will try to move on with my life, but I will never stop caring about her really, I really do love her and would do anything to get her back, that conversation we had after we had broken up was the sweetest thing ever, I wish I just had another chance to speak to her about it face to face again.

August 21, 2008

Shes started seeing that boy now, I'll have to try and get over her. Its horrible guys, anyone fancy lending some moral support? haha.

August 21, 2008

There is going to be a period of mourning and maybe feeling angry and bitter. But try to focus on the future, not the past. Just think 'Oh well... Next!'

August 21, 2008

Her reason for breaking up for me was that "she wasn't sure she felt the same about me anymore".

This means she doesn't have romantic feeling for you anymore and/or she found someone else.

give me some advice on how to try and win her heart back, because we were so happy together and life without her at the moment really is horrible. and they have said not to give up on her if I really do love her.

If a man loved me as much as you love her, he'd better do whatever it took to show me how stupid I was for letting him go. You love her? You want her? Then fight for her. No pleading and begging though.

Keep in mind, if her feelings for you have changed, they may never change back. If she found someone else who is sweeping her off her feet, forget it!

Good luck.

August 21, 2008

how do you fight for someone and not look like a pathetic ex who cant move on?

how can you even tell if their feelings for you have gone away?

August 21, 2008

Have you been with her in person, and told her how you feel about her? Have you told her you'd do whatever it takes to make things right between the two of you? Have told her, really told her?? And if you have, what's her response? Does she want time, space? If she does, then back off! Don't contact her in any way and let her miss you terribly until she contacts you!! Like I said before, if the feelings aren't there, or if there is someone else, then she won't be back but at least you fought.

If you love her the way you say you do, tell her and show her!!

August 22, 2008

I went to a party last night where she was with her new man. All of the friends I was with (mutual) seemed to think that them being together was fake. Shes known the guy 3 days for God sake. I'm not giving up because I really do love her, the task has just been made a hundred times harder by the fact she's with him. Hes not the nicest person in the world and once both of them had had a few drinks kissing in front of me wasn't really nice. I took it like a man and accepted the fact she's not mine anymore. Her friends seem to think she has changed, for the worse as she is losing a few friends and shes lost me too. All I can do is let time take its toll, I really am trying my best to get over her but at the same time, I know deep down that she is the one and I miss her like hell.

August 22, 2008

Shes started seeing that boy now, I'll have to try and get over her. Its horrible guys, anyone fancy lending some moral support? haha.

I been thru this sistuation before, and so far you havent talked to her as for as what made her question her feelings about you, or what made her feel diffrently about you. And once you do your in for a surprise.

I can almost promise you that this guy and her have been talking for awhile, and hes mostly the problem, hes been whispering sweatnothings in her ear, and it got to her, she liked it, and shes she started to wonder rather her feelings for you were genuine, it confused her as to how she can like to people at the same time.

Come on think about it? 3 days, shes been talking with him for 3 days and gets with him? Shes been knowing him way longer, they just finally got down to bussiness.

If shes changing to her friends, shes pushing them away, they obvisouly remind her to much of you and shes trying to get away from that.

August 22, 2008

She met the guy a week ago on myspace, it hurt to see them together but it helped in a way, it made me feel like I can deal with it a bit easier. At the moment I am just trying to enjoy life without her, spending time with mates and family. They are so fake together and she is going to get hurt by pushing everyone away, I just wish someone would speak to her beforehand about it all.

August 22, 2008

She met the guy a week ago on myspace, it hurt to see them together but it helped in a way, it made me feel like I can deal with it a bit easier. At the moment I am just trying to enjoy life without her, spending time with mates and family. They are so fake together and she is going to get hurt by pushing everyone away, I just wish someone would speak to her beforehand about it all.

Well if hes a rebound it shouldnt last anylonger than 6 months, which is a long time. Im guessing shes just trying to use anybody for the time being. Id be patient and dont make any certain moves.

August 22, 2008

Looks like I'll have to, 6 months is a long time but it would give me a chance to get my head back together. I don't want to be hurt like this again though, its horrible. At least I have you guys, you all know how i feel

August 27, 2008

Her and this guy broke up after 4 days of relationship. Shes really upset. Shes lost all her friends over this really, they all hang out with me as they could see she was wrong from the beginning. I still want her back, however much she has hurt me, I still love her

I wish there was a way, we could start as friends and reignite what we had, I know it would take time, but I know she's worth it. Any ideas how, we could start as friends and build it up

August 27, 2008

Her and this guy broke up after 4 days of relationship. Shes really upset. Shes lost all her friends over this really, they all hang out with me as they could see she was wrong from the beginning. I still want her back, however much she has hurt me, I still love her

I wish there was a way, we could start as friends and reignite what we had, I know it would take time, but I know she's worth it. Any ideas how, we could start as friends and build it up

Now what did I tell you, I told you he was a rebound and they wouldnt make it, I said 6 months because It was more realistic, but anyways.

But you need to find out why shes upset, is it something he did? does she possibly want him back? now maybe the time to slide in as friends, but it also can backfire due to she might run off again.

It really dependz on why the broke up, if she turned out nothing like she thought he was, this is good for you, its mostly all good for you. Its time to try the opposite, time to act really confident and non whimpy, you wanna talk to her but dont let her know you know anything about the break up.

August 27, 2008

Now what did I tell you, I told you he was a rebound and they wouldnt make it, I said 6 months because It was more realistic, but anyways.

But you need to find out why shes upset, is it something he did? does she possibly want him back? now maybe the time to slide in as friends, but it also can backfire due to she might run off again.

It really dependz on why the broke up, if she turned out nothing like she thought he was, this is good for you, its mostly all good for you. Its time to try the opposite, time to act really confident and non whimpy, you wanna talk to her but dont let her know you know anything about the break up.

What is my next move from here? We are still talking as friends and stuff, not much as she is clearly upset about her and her rebound. I want to be there for her as a friend at least. I need advice and help, I don't think I could take her back straight away after this but guys I really do love her

August 27, 2008

Give it time and just show her the man you are ;P

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