JustSo Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I was doing ok.. I still thought about her more than is good for me and wanted her back but I more or less accepted the breakup.... but then I saw my ex on friday.. I was just going to drop off her DVD. But I end up spending several hours talking with her about random stuff. But now I just want her back even more.. She is the sweetest girl, she's funny, she's all I want.. but no matter what I say or do... I can't trick her into loving me.. I know she doesn't want to give me hope and wants to be friends..(I do believe she doens't know what she wants.. ) But I can't believe there are no feelings left, I'm overanalysing every move of her.. Sometimes I see that sparkle in her eyes.. that strange look on her face.. Even on friday she was just being her, and not distant whatsoever. But maybe that's just how friends are.. nothing more.. I don't want to go NC anymore because it would push us even more appart.. and that's the last thing I want.. Well I guess I'm just stuck.. and need a good kick to get me moving on again... Maybe being friends isn't so bad.. (untill she meets someone new.. )
nowhereman82 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Oy Vey......and imagine how crushed you will be while you are her "friend" and she starts dating. Personally I would rather avoid it. Seeing the ex feels good, like a drug, but the come down from it is hell. Is it worth it?
Melrapuo Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 If you're not going to stick to NC, I highly recommend you make it at least limited contact. Be courteous, caring, but don't always be available. Believe me, the more you talk to her, the harder it is to let go.
0hpenelope Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Being in contact with an ex that we're not recovered from... that's tricky. When I was there, the same heart wanted 2 different things: to keep talking to him and also to not talk to him anymore because my brain was telling me "Yeah, you. This constant communication thing is a bad idea. Really, really bad." We get it, though. NC cold turkey is hard. LC is something to look at in your situation, but it's going to get you to keep looking at your ex's face and hear your ex's voice. Man, LC. I'm just glad to say that it didn't work for me. But I hope it works for you.
Meaplus3 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I was doing ok.. I still thought about her more than is good for me and wanted her back but I more or less accepted the breakup.... but then I saw my ex on friday.. I was just going to drop off her DVD. But I end up spending several hours talking with her about random stuff. But now I just want her back even more.. She is the sweetest girl, she's funny, she's all I want.. but no matter what I say or do... I can't trick her into loving me.. I know she doesn't want to give me hope and wants to be friends..(I do believe she doens't know what she wants.. ) But I can't believe there are no feelings left, I'm overanalysing every move of her.. Sometimes I see that sparkle in her eyes.. that strange look on her face.. Even on friday she was just being her, and not distant whatsoever. But maybe that's just how friends are.. nothing more.. I don't want to go NC anymore because it would push us even more appart.. and that's the last thing I want.. Well I guess I'm just stuck.. and need a good kick to get me moving on again... Maybe being friends isn't so bad.. (untill she meets someone new.. ) If you still have feelings for her of more than friendship, then your just going to wind up hurting yourself even further by remaining friend's. NC is the best way to get past those feelings and focus on a new relationship. Best wishes. AP:)
tealeafbud Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I was doing ok.. I still thought about her more than is good for me and wanted her back but I more or less accepted the breakup.... but then I saw my ex on friday.. I was just going to drop off her DVD. But I end up spending several hours talking with her about random stuff. But now I just want her back even more.. She is the sweetest girl, she's funny, she's all I want.. but no matter what I say or do... I can't trick her into loving me.. I know she doesn't want to give me hope and wants to be friends..(I do believe she doens't know what she wants.. ) But I can't believe there are no feelings left, I'm overanalysing every move of her.. Sometimes I see that sparkle in her eyes.. that strange look on her face.. Even on friday she was just being her, and not distant whatsoever. But maybe that's just how friends are.. nothing more.. I don't want to go NC anymore because it would push us even more appart.. and that's the last thing I want.. Well I guess I'm just stuck.. and need a good kick to get me moving on again... Maybe being friends isn't so bad.. (untill she meets someone new.. ) Was she the one that dumped you? I'm assuming she did. I think you've answered your own question about what you "should" be doing. You admit you are stuck. Being stuck is not good in anything. In life, in relationships, in a snowstorm, etc. I agree with Penelope that even Limited contact is not a good thing. Remember how you were feeling before you dropped off that DVD. You were doing so good and then you just had to talk long enough to respark those feelings. It could happen to anyone, which is why most people just stay away from their exes when the potential is there. You said "until she meets someone new". You really don't want to be there when that happens because you'll be more hurt. Trust me, I know that. And even the dumper does go through some negative emotions when they know their ex is with someone. Try to avoid contact. Seriously. Take care.
0hpenelope Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Remember how you were feeling before you dropped off that DVD. You were doing so good and then you just had to talk long enough to respark those feelings. It could happen to anyone, which is why most people just stay away from their exes when the potential is there. Right on the dot, TLB. That part where he says most people just stay away... It can be best summarized by a phrase that we learned in kindergarten. "Eww." I don't want, I don't need, just go away.
Author JustSo Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 Thanks for all comments! I see what you all mean.. but.. why should I miss out on all the fun with her.. just because I'm being childish about not accepting it's over? oh right.... I know why.. I know I should take care of myself first.. and protect me from the cruel future (her having new bf) and I know it's gonna hurt, and I know that I'm just not moving forward.. WHY THE HELL IS KNOWING ALL THIS NOT ENOUGH TO GO NC!! I'm really feeling like an addict... I need my fix.. Total
tealeafbud Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 WHY THE HELL IS KNOWING ALL THIS NOT ENOUGH TO GO NC!! I'm really feeling like an addict... I need my fix.. Total Because it involves love and sometimes there is no logical reason we behave like we do. All we can do is try our best to heal ourselves and if we fail, keep trying and learn to forgive ourselves. We almost have to commit to ourselves as much as we committed to that person when we were with them. It comes down to loving ourselves and slowly releasing that person out of our lives. It's a struggle for some of us, but time will go by and we will always look in the mirror and see ourselves. i've found that all the advice, all the books, all the forums in the world won't help you unless you decide to help yourself. take care and good luck.
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