Mending1985 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I'm just curious here, but my ex always says to me that he won't give me any hope that we'll get back together because he thinks I'll just hold onto it and wait for him, not carry on with my life and succeed which is what he wants to see from me. He says the only way we will get back together is if I let go and move forward... Does that make sense?
CaliGuy Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I'm just curious here, but my ex always says to me that he won't give me any hope that we'll get back together because he thinks I'll just hold onto it and wait for him, not carry on with my life and succeed which is what he wants to see from me. He says the only way we will get back together is if I let go and move forward... Does that make sense? Yes. He's telling you the truth. What he's trying to tell you is that you won't regain your confidence or self-esteem OR be happy until you can learn to live without him. YOU are the only person on this planet who is resposible for your wants, needs and happiness. Whether he chooses to come back or not shouldn't be your primary concern. This is one of the times in life where you need to be selfish and do what is best for you and that is put all your focus and energy into yourself! Hang out with friends, work out, get some new hobbies and learn to accept that it's over and do your best to move on. Fake it till you make it. And odds are, once you have recovered from this break up, you will probably not even want him back. And you will never find someone else who is right for you if you are focused on him. The future never comes to those who are stuck in the past.
0hpenelope Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Take the ex's word for it and don't cut corners. The best example for NC that I will be referring to for a long, long time is foxh1234's. Oh, and this is from one of his threads, too. The quote came from a movie, by the way. I want to watch it now... Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her? Rob: You don't call. Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her. Rob: Right. Mike: So I don't call either way? Rob: Right. Mike: So what's the difference? Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back. Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her? Rob: Right. Mike: Well that sucks. Rob: Yeah, it sucks. Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her? Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite. Mike: What do you mean? Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her. Mike: Well what if she comes back first? Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget. Mike: There's the rub. Rob: There's the rub. Let your ex go and start mending yourself.
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