gardnerj Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 After 4 dates, we obviously like each other. We're having more intimate conversations but when I drop the hints she doesn't want much to do with it. I mean, we sit close when we watch a movie, but no holding hands, nothin. She barely dated before college, and probably not much since. We're both 20 and in college. I'm thinking she has had someone pull a fast move on her, or she's just kiss-shy. And what should I do? btw, i'm smellin fine, looking ok, etc, etc. pretty sure i'm not unwittingly sending wrong signals, etc. I think i'm doing things right...
Green Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 you need to be aggressive and just kiss her. try pushing her against the wall and passionatly making out with her while running you hand down her body like an instrument
shadyp Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 hey its prob coz she is inexperienced like u say-barely dated. u guys have been on 4 dates so she is interested. jus keep goin at this pace, maybe try obvious romantic gestures like saying, hey that dress suits you or buy her a rose? or maybe ask her straight out:wud u mind if i held ur hand? kissed you. if she still objects then a few cold showers, you'll survive.
shadyp Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 no DO NOT be aggressive, that will just scare her. you can take the lead yet still be charming by doing what i said! She might get scared then the next thing u know you'll be known as a molester somat. a gal is not a instrument/object.
Green Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 hey its prob coz she is inexperienced like u say-barely dated. u guys have been on 4 dates so she is interested. jus keep goin at this pace, maybe try obvious romantic gestures like saying, hey that dress suits you or buy her a rose? or maybe ask her straight out:wud u mind if i held ur hand? kissed you. if she still objects then a few cold showers, you'll survive. if you go with the "would you mind if I kissed you" bit and she says anything other than no go ahead... in fact go in and get a kiss even if she says she would mind,,, 4 dates for god sakes
Sinister Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 you need to be aggressive and just kiss her. try pushing her against the wall and passionatly making out with her while running you hand down her body like an instrument Ditto. OP she is expecting you to do all the work. If you make a move and she is not responsive then you are simply wasting time on a girl who thinks being friends is OK with you.
carhill Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 This isn't the pre-school sandbox, it's dating. She does know you're dating, right? Men and women date to see if they have sexual chemistry and emotional/psychological compatibility. That requires interaction on a number of levels OP, the next time you say goodbye, in deference to the conservative ladies here and to give your lady the benefit of the doubt, give her a firm hug with your hands on her waist and kiss her on the cheek. Look her in the eyes, tell her how you felt about the evening (e.g. "I loved spending time with you tonight bla bla"), turn and go. If she's into you, it leaves her wanting more. More meaning sucking the chapstick off your lips If nadda, move on. Dry hole. I wasted way too much time on dry holes in my youth. You can do better
Author gardnerj Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 i'm not going to doubt that she's just kiss-shy, either. Not everyone is down for that, as elementary as it might seem. I'm pretty sure we're dating, cause she's asking me what we're doing next, she gets dressed up, smells nice, shows me special attention, etc. "What would you do if I wore that for you?" the problem is that we are dating, and she's keeping a distance. Maybe she's never kissed before?
carhill Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 TBH, if she has issues with physical affection (it doesn't sound like you've had any of this very normal dating behavior), I'd be very leery of continuing. Such issues might be indicative of more serious psychological problems. How is she around her family and friends?
Author gardnerj Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 she's quite comfortable and happy with her friends, and family, and me. i mean, she's one of the wittiest people i know. she's not nervous or anything like that. Maybe that behavior isn't normal for her. I mean, it could be something else, but I doubt its a serious psychological problem.
carhill Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Yeah, but does she hug and kiss her family and friends? If yes, then her behavior with you is not because she's kiss-shy or affection-shy. If no, is that the kind of relationship you want?
Trialbyfire Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 There's an unsaid order to how close you can get to a girl. First, you hold her hand. If she accepts your hand, this is a good thing. If she rejects it, forcing more contact isn't going to make her like you more. On which date did you try to hold her hand?
carhill Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 We're having more intimate conversations but when I drop the hints she doesn't want much to do with it. I mean, we sit close when we watch a movie, but no holding hands, nothin. TBF, doesn't this really sound like a dry hole to you? I mean, my god, my wife's girlfriends are more affectionate with me in front of her and their husbands and, trust me, I'm not that hot. It's just normal behavior when one feels comfortable with another person. I was the poster child for withdrawn sexual behavior and even I hugged and kissed girls when I was young, though not aggressively like the guys here suggest. Well, anyway, OP, I'm gonna call this one a dry hole and suggest you move on. Make me a happy man and prove me wrong
Trialbyfire Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 She sounds extremely inexperienced which is why I'm asking the OP when he tried any moves on her like holding her hand. His pace might be too fast for a girl who's this innocent. She barely dated before college, and probably not much since.
Ocean-Blue Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 if you go with the "would you mind if I kissed you" bit and she says anything other than no go ahead... in fact go in and get a kiss even if she says she would mind,,, 4 dates for god sakes I'm going to have to agree with KMT. Don't be all "may I kiss you" with her. That screams wussboy. Just kiss her. Make it spontaneous. Passionate. Make her knees weak.
carhill Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 She sounds extremely inexperienced which is why I'm asking the OP when he tried any moves on her like holding her hand. His pace might be too fast for a girl who's this innocent. Point taken and let's go with that. OP, do you have the patience to be her teacher? I'd still like to know if she's physically affectionate with family and friends. IME, we learn such behaviors by example, like our parents, siblings and extended family, later friends. Even if inexperienced, we learn by osmosis. I sincerely hope she did/does not exist in an affection vacuum. It's a very lonely place. I know it well....
Trialbyfire Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Point taken and let's go with that. OP, do you have the patience to be her teacher? I'd still like to know if she's physically affectionate with family and friends. IME, we learn such behaviors by example, like our parents, siblings and extended family, later friends. Even if inexperienced, we learn by osmosis. I sincerely hope she did/does not exist in an affection vacuum. It's a very lonely place. I know it well.... I think you hit it dead on. Is he willing to teach her with no guarantees of physicality at the end of it.
Author gardnerj Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 Just kiss her. Make it spontaneous. Passionate. Make her knees weak. I wish I could. I don't know if kissing someone who doesn't want to be a kissed is a good idea, otherwise I would. On which date did you try to hold her hand? well i haven't tried, haven't had a good op.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I would definately try a move, especially after 4 dates, just a little kiss? Or if you're sitting on the couch, there should be some cuddling, holding hands. I have actually acted the same way with guys, flirted, but I would never ever make the first move, even a kiss or hold his hand until he did then I felt comfortable doing these things. You may wanna think about this....some girls think guys only want sex and nothing else. So, she may be holding off to make sure you are really into spending time with her and not for sexual reasons. I have done this,too....But I think u should definately make a move! Goodluck!
ABrokenWing Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 you need to be aggressive and just kiss her. try pushing her against the wall and passionatly making out with her while running you hand down her body like an instrument She seems shy, doing something like that will most likely make her run.
Green Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 OP, the next time you say goodbye, in deference to the conservative ladies here and to give your lady the benefit of the doubt, give her a firm hug with your hands on her waist and kiss her on the cheek. Look her in the eyes, tell her how you felt about the evening (e.g. "I loved spending time with you tonight bla bla"), Good advice except for kissing her on the cheek. Kiss her on the lips. And then wisper in her ear how much you liked it and that your going to have to do more. I think every one is giving the OP to much credit. The girl might not even relize she is on a date if what he says is true. By the fourth date you should not be in a situation like this no matter what. You should have by now planted a kiss or been dumped for trying to do so. You give this girl way to much space. You can't aproach a girl as a friend and expect the relationship to magicaly turn sexual, you have to be spontanous and pasionate from the get go an light the fires. You should have tried to test the chemestry with a kiss after the very first date. by the fourth you should be testing the chemestry with full on makining out at a minimum.
Trialbyfire Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 well i haven't tried, haven't had a good op.Sitting at a movie, close to each other for hours isn't a good enough opportunity to take her hand? Come on now, forget the kiss for now, just hold her hand. If she doesn't pull her hand away, when you leave the theatre, put your arm around her...etc, etc. This is one shy, very inexperienced girl you're dealing with. YOU have to take the initiative without going overboard and freaking her out right away.
amymarieca Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Oh my gosh...this seems completely weird. I don't really think anything of kissing someone if I like them. Maybe you just need to be upfront, yet polite. Sit close to her and just put the moves on her!
Green Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Sitting at a movie, close to each other for hours isn't a good enough opportunity to take her hand? Come on now, forget the kiss for now, just hold her hand. If she doesn't pull her hand away, when you leave the theatre, put your arm around her...etc, etc. This is one shy, very inexperienced girl you're dealing with. YOU have to take the initiative without going overboard and freaking her out right away. This guy is also very inexperienced, at least inexperienced with starting a relationship. The fact that he says he has had no good Oportunities shows it. Oh my gosh...this seems completely weird. I don't really think anything of kissing someone if I like them. Maybe you just need to be upfront, yet polite. Sit close to her and just put the moves on her! he definetly needs to put the moves on her I don't know what he expect from this shy girl. Its a great sign that she keeps going out with him, but she is obviously never going to say kiss me or put her hand out for him if she hasn't done it by now so he just needs to do something already. Like I said he probably has little experience starting off a relationship and got scared when she didn't give him any totaly obvious openings. The only way he can get this girl is if he takes a chance and makes a move or she's going to lose interest if she hasn't already.
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