Cheesecake Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Hi Wildsoul - I'm so happy to hear that what I've written has inspired you. Truth of the matter is, it sounds like we're going through very much the same thing. I'm just a little further along in the process at this point and I can't even tell you how empowering it feels. And I have also done the rollercoaster, NC, then no NC, NC, then no NC - lets see, this is the sixth and final time in the course of close to two years. I guess you just have to be ready (and again, it depends on the situation because they're all similar but different.) I can tell you honestly, there is no turning back for me at this point. He will not see or hear from me unless he takes action. If he doesn't, then that's something we'll both just have to deal with. And again, I love him, I miss the hell out of him, and I get sad, and angry, and scared....but also again, you add all those negative emotions together and they are still minute compared to how I felt when we were "together" knowing that he still has a life, as "separate" and loveless as it is, with another woman.
Author crystal_lostheart Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 Again thankyou all so much - my head is very clouded and this week in particular. I don't know why? Last week I was better. I think in all honestly, I am just realising more and more each day that I have to let him go- that he is in fact, no good for me and never will be- although I once wanted so much for it to work.....Just trying to deal with that hurt is exhausting. And he makes it so difficult....
pelicanpreacher Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Hey Crystal, I'd like you to read this post and tell me what you see.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1681788&postcount=86
Author crystal_lostheart Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 Hey PP, Thankyou for that - I did have a good read. I think my MM shares all 3!!!! What a nighmare hey? He can be the most charming person yes, believes he is supporting me and taking care of me by 'looking after me' as if we are in a normal relationship. But I guess I realise this is his way to get me to be quiet and put up with what's going on??? Give him more time to 'make a decision'. My head is just aching this week - been thinking about how wrong all of this is - I just want to scream at him - scream at myself for letting this happen.... I am just trying to break free everyday a little more and it hurts but at the very least I am finally waking up and doing it...
jj33 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Good for you Crystal. When it all goes wrong and we dont extricate ourselves, I think the hardest part is forgiving ourselves for allowing ourselves to stay in these situations. But as you said you are now waking up and breaking free.
In Like Flynn Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 It sounds like you are realising that you are just another one of his toys. He is not going to leave his wife but he has to make you believe he will. All you know about his marriage is what he has told you. This is the same technique all MM use to keep their mistresses on the hook for so long. Get out and stop letting him use you!!!
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