scbx Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I'm interested in hearing mainly from women who do or are likely to be dating guys in their early to mid twenties, though any input is welcome. I feel a little funny posting this, but this seems like a good way to get honest, unbiased female opinions. How would girls feel about an almost 22 year old guy who has absolutely no dating experience and is still a virgin in every way? And even though he never actually had the oppurtunity to have sex (except a hooker), he'd only do it with someone special and not some random person. What if he was otherwise a completely normal, intelligent, nice person and healthy and in shape and despite everything, didn't come across as desperate. And the only reason for his inexperience was being shy, especially around girls, but only at first, but also usually being busy with work and school or pursuing his own hobbies/interests (basically not a very active social life and not the opportunity to meet many girls)? Would you find a guy like that unappealing and prefer a guy with relationship experience? Would you prefer a guy with sexual experience who knows how to please a woman rather than taking things slow with a virgin? Would you dump a guy after learning he was a virgin? Would you likely suspect from the shyness and behavior that he was inexperienced and still be okay with it? Am I worrying for nothing?
alextop30 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I am really interested in what the women have to say about this because I am at the same roadblock I am 20 and have gotten to gf status for very short time but on summer vocation so nothing. I have been able to ignore this problem by concentrating on school and work. The reason for this story is to let you know you are not alone
norajane Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Have you ever heard of the bell curve? If you haven't, you should have and you should google it. Some women will be turned on by your virginity and will love that you have wanted to wait. Some women will be turned off by your virginity and will pass you by. Most women will far somewhere between those two viewpoints with a concentration in the middle near indifference. Be yourself and you'll attract a woman who likes who you are.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 We all start somewhere. Society has a time line for when is the "right" time for the masses to do stuff. Just because you don't have that, and to be honest being a 22 year old virgin isn't bad at all, doesn't mean you never will have it. Don't assume that all that other 20 year old girls aren't still virgins either. If I liked the guy, I'd be cool with it. It wouldn't turn me on but it wouldn't turn me off. The one thing that would turn me off is insecurity about himself. If you think there is something wrong with you and protray that, she will pick up on that. You got to like you first for whoever you are in that moment. But that has nothing to do with virginity. PS: Rent the 40 Year Old Virgin.... it's sweet in a weird way..and I personally love Steve Carrell
Capricciosa Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Have you watched the film, The 40 Year Old Virgin? You sound kind of sweet, so I'm sure you can use that to lure in the girls, and experience can be gained along the way. You need to find a girl who likes teaching things, however.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Or a girl who wants to learn right along with him.
Author scbx Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 I don't think I'm insecure. I've heard girls complain about guys that come across as needy and desperate and needing reassurance all the time, and I can understand why that's a turn off. But I don't think that's me. I'm going to school and know what I want to do with my life and am confident I'll be successful. The only reason all this stuff bothers me is because it's all stuff most people have done by the age of 16. I'm fine with being a virgin because it would need to be with someone I really like and trust, but as I said, I'm just concerned women will find this unattractive. I have seen The 40 Year Old Virgin. I thought it was funny in a depressing sort of way. I have the similar guy friends who want to get me laid, saying that if we hit the bars and clubs, it should take at most a week, but I don't want some one-time thing and I don't like bars and clubs.
BannaBee57 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I wouldn't have a problem with the whole virgin thing. It might be fun to introduce someone to that side of life. And, it's always nice to find guys that aren't all about the numbers and are interested in a little bit more. The only thing I wouldn't really like is the lack of social life, etc you mentioned. I like an outgoing personality, so if the reason for the lack of experience/social life is because this guy doesn't leave his bedroom or pursue relationshps with people then I would probably shy away. However, if it was just due to being very busy with school and work then I would take that into consideration.
my_lynn Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 when you have a relationship with someone, it isn't about what kind of experience you have had or have not had. every relationship is different, and to be honest, one shouldn't bring into a new relationship what they had with another (although it happens..). but i like to believe we should try our best as a partner to treat each relationship as it comes. with that said, it doesn't matter, well i think for most women, how many you have, because it is all just numbers. i think the only thing that matters is the relationship you have for the other person. no one worth while will fault you for being yourself. you still have plenty of time. plenty! but i mean, do you want to get out there? because if you do, then go for it.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I'm interested in hearing mainly from women who do or are likely to be dating guys in their early to mid twenties, though any input is welcome. I feel a little funny posting this, but this seems like a good way to get honest, unbiased female opinions. How would girls feel about an almost 22 year old guy who has absolutely no dating experience and is still a virgin in every way? And even though he never actually had the oppurtunity to have sex (except a hooker), he'd only do it with someone special and not some random person. What if he was otherwise a completely normal, intelligent, nice person and healthy and in shape and despite everything, didn't come across as desperate. And the only reason for his inexperience was being shy, especially around girls, but only at first, but also usually being busy with work and school or pursuing his own hobbies/interests (basically not a very active social life and not the opportunity to meet many girls)? Would you find a guy like that unappealing and prefer a guy with relationship experience? Would you prefer a guy with sexual experience who knows how to please a woman rather than taking things slow with a virgin? Would you dump a guy after learning he was a virgin? Would you likely suspect from the shyness and behavior that he was inexperienced and still be okay with it? Am I worrying for nothing? That whole paragraph? From now on you keep that to yourself. I'm being totally honest here, alot of girls are extremely turned off by insecurities. It's very unattractive that you're insecure because most girls are already insecure themselves and they would rather date a man who's less sensitive. Being a virgin has nothing to do with attracting girls, if you believe that losing your virginity to a special someone is worth it, then all the power to you. What you need to work on is to be more confident with the person you are. You might not attract a really beautiful girl, but you won't fall off the radar to someone that chooses personality over physiques.
Walk Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 When I was in my 20's I never had a problem with a guy having little to no relationship experience. The key was confidence. The 20+ year old virgins that I stayed away from were the desperate ones. They were creepy. They come on waaaay to strong, they are so hopeful about attaining sex or a relationship that they enter a fantasy world about what's really going on. So even if you tell him flat out "No way in hell, I'm putting a restraining order on you", they hear "I will always love you" by whitney huston. I think that's an important difference no matter what age you are, or level of experience. If you want something too badly, you're probably going to end up hurt. Just go with the flow, keep your options open and something will pop up. And if not that one, then another one will. Be open to it, and willing to take a risk, but never devalue yourself for someone else.
Ariadne Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 No, I wouldn't care. I'd find it cute. I'd just care how much I like you.
Author scbx Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 That whole paragraph? From now on you keep that to yourself. I'm being totally honest here, alot of girls are extremely turned off by insecurities. It's very unattractive that you're insecure because most girls are already insecure themselves and they would rather date a man who's less sensitive. Being a virgin has nothing to do with attracting girls, if you believe that losing your virginity to a special someone is worth it, then all the power to you. What you need to work on is to be more confident with the person you are. You might not attract a really beautiful girl, but you won't fall off the radar to someone that chooses personality over physiques. Well that's not something I'd normally throw out there and blabber on about if talking to someone in person. If I'm talking to a girl I'm not looking for an opportunity to mention my virginity and that kind of stuff every time I get. I just thought more information would be helpful for discussion purposes here.
alextop30 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 this is really interesting advice which is very much appriciated. I have a lot of friends that are women but it never worked with them. Usually when I am out with my friends and meet a girl that I am interested I usually concetrate on having fun and also strike some interesting conversation for a little. At the end of the night I try getting her phone number so we can hook up sometime. Is that showing desperation ?
fral945 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 My recommendation is find someone and get it out the way. I, like you, was preoccupied with how others would view me for years because I was a virgin into my 20s with almost no dating experience. I felt embarrassed and afraid to admit it to anyone. I felt like the only person in the world not getting laid, and was afraid women would hold it against me. I didn't mention it to the first girl I dated and had sex with. Once I got the sex monkey off my back I felt a lot more confident and self-assured. The first time was extremely awkward and uncomfortable for me, but it's got much better since then. Your first time will likely be awkward and not all that enjoyable. Just get done with it and move on. You'll gain more confidence with experience. This may sound like simple advice, but if you don't have any dating experience, get some. Find a friend, ask every girl you meet out until one says yes. Go on a date with anyone. Just get the ball rolling. Take one step at a time. Confidence will come along. Remember, sex is just one part of a relationship. Don't sit around obsessing about your virginity, just go out and insert yourself into the dating world. Then come back and tell us about all your problems. You'll want to be a virgin all over again.
UglyBetty Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I wish my boyfriend had been a virgin when we met/hooked up/got together/whatever...because although I've had SOME dating expierence before him I'm still uncomfortable knowing he's been with so many women sexually and dated so many girls before me...not that it's an un-godly amount. It just makes me feel insecure. I would prefer dating a man with less sexual expierence and dating expierence because I don't need to worry about being fed the same lines as women before me. Hope that makes sense.
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I waited. Had lots of opportunities with women but turned it down till I met the person I wanted to sleep with. Am glad I did, it was very special Stop worrying about peer pressure so much. You're not at school. Most of those people that had to fit in at school ended up working at wal-mart. Decent women won't even think twice about it. Jaded ones aren't worth it anyway.
wittygirl09 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I prefer guys with some relationship and sexual experience in all honesty but that being said, I'd prefer a guy with none over a guy that has had a lot. A guy with a not so colorful past would make me feel a little insecure and I'd be worried about the emotional baggage, not to mention diseases, he came with. Guys that are virgins are no big deal, most of the guys I have dated are virgins or didn't have much dating experience and I found it kind of attractive.
reservoirdog1 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Personally, I think you should "fake it till you make it". The key is to project confidence, and do whatever you can to AVOID projecting desperation. Cop a bit of a bad-boy attitude or style of dress. Join sports teams, go to events put on by matchmaking outfits. Project that kind of attitude, like you're interested in the girl but if it doesn't work out, hey, no big deal... YOU'RE the prize, not them. And whatever you do, DON'T admit to being a virgin to any girl you meet, go on a date with, or end up knocking boots with. I was a virgin till I was 20. I met my now-ex-wife at a small gathering of mutual friends. In those days I was fairly stylish (god that was a long time ago...), and seemed like a bit of a rebel (though I wasn't really). Got into a good-natured argument/debate with XW on a topical issue of the day, gave her a lift home, and she was all over me. She was aching to get bizzy but I held her off for a date or two. It wasn't until a couple of months into the relationship that I told her she'd been my first and only. Honestly, she was totally surprised to hear that.
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