shadowplay Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Smart, cute, kind but not a pushover, confident, empathetic, strong, emotionally available without being mushy, enjoys helping his gf out from time to time. Doesn't mind a girl who is emotional and even sad on occasion. I don't care about money or social status -- those are the essential traits for me. (I don't have any tolerance for laziness or lack of ambition, though.) I'm starting to think this combination of traits is very rare. Maybe I'm old-fashioned but I prefer a relationship where the guy is slightly more dominant, kind of in a protective role, without being controlling. Does that make sense? It seems like that balance is hard to find. Half the men gravitate toward super independent women in to order compensate for some insecurity of their own, while the other half go for passive women who they can control. I want something in between. To me the sexiest thing is a guy who enjoys teaching a woman how to do things, and treats her with a certain tenderness, but still respects her. Why is this so hard to find? Is it something about the age we live in? What is with so many guys going for women who project an air of haughty confidence over a woman who is kind and nurturing?
vonerik012 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 If you take way all media influences, men and women typically are made a certain way. This is how they operate best. Men seek power, and women seek love. When a woman submits to a man, and gives him power, he then is able to give her true love. Both are fulfilled and happy. Even the act of sex is a woman submitting to a man. Submitting has several bad connotations these days, and I do not mean sexual role play, or being a doormat. Basically you should find a man you trust, one you feel will take care of you, a man with integrity, good character, a man whose life goals and plan you respect, and facilitate him in achieving those goals for both of you. You will then be irreplaceable to that man. What aspects are you worried about him controlling? If you do not want to be "controlled" it is best to stay single. The same goes for men. But i think your first paragraph is right on.
johan Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Every guy is like that. The problem you have is that you look too closely and think too much. I have a theory that Heaven can't exist simply because the human soul is designed to invent good-bad contrasts in whatever environment it happens to find itself. A life in the clouds sounds nice until you actually have it. Then you'll automatically decide certain kinds of clouds are better than others, and the crappy ones seem to be over-abundant. God will start to get on your nerves sooner or later. Sure, it would be nice to find Mr. Right. In contrast to what you have right now, he'll seem flawless. But after you've gotten close to him and used to having him around, you'll start to notice the things that are relatively bad about him. Things you wouldn't have noticed before, but now stand out in relief. And they will begin to bother you until you've lost all respect for him. Our perception of good and bad is fractal. No matter how near or far from it you are it all looks the same, equally jagged with the same amount of contrast. I recommend you get used to being alone and doing things for yourself. Save for retirement so that isn't too miserable. Then like it or not, you'll die, and none of this will ever have mattered.
J2FT1 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 These days guys like that don't exist anymore because women like you don't exist anymore either. Modern women has/wants balls, artificial ones.
vonerik012 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Men love nurturing, kind women.. Where are they?
Author shadowplay Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 Every guy is like that. The problem you have is that you look too closely and think too much. I have a theory that Heaven can't exist simply because the human soul is designed to invent good-bad contrasts in whatever environment it happens to find itself. A life in the clouds sounds nice until you actually have it. Then you'll automatically decide certain kinds of clouds are better than others, and the crappy ones seem to be over-abundant. God will start to get on your nerves sooner or later. Sure, it would be nice to find Mr. Right. In contrast to what you have right now, he'll seem flawless. But after you've gotten close to him and used to having him around, you'll start to notice the things that are relatively bad about him. Things you wouldn't have noticed before, but now stand out in relief. And they will begin to bother you until you've lost all respect for him. Our perception of good and bad is fractal. No matter how near or far from it you are it all looks the same, equally jagged with the same amount of contrast. I recommend you get used to being alone and doing things for yourself. Save for retirement so that isn't too miserable. Then like it or not, you'll die, and none of this will ever have mattered. Man, that last paragraph is depressing. I do hope you think there's more to life than that. I agree that people's standards for happiness shift depending on their circumstances. How can you say "every guy" is like that? Couldn't be farther from the truth.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I recommend you get used to being alone and doing things for yourself. Save for retirement so that isn't too miserable. Then like it or not, you'll die, and none of this will ever have mattered. LOL, isn't that the truth?
Author shadowplay Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 Men love nurturing, kind women.. Where are they? Personally I love to be nurturing but experience has taught me to suppress that trait because I've noticed many guys get turned off when a woman is very affectionate. Seems they see it as weakness. I've never understood that. In order to keep a man's interest it seems that you have to affect a slightly aloof, haughty air.
vonerik012 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 The best woman to settle down with is a nurturing woman.. She is irreplaceable..Maybe the turn off was for other reasons than the affection you gave. Or they might have not been ready for any type of relationship.
Mako482 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Smart, cute, kind but not a pushover, confident, empathetic, strong, emotionally available without being mushy, enjoys helping his gf out from time to time. Doesn't mind a girl who is emotional and even sad on occasion. I don't care about money or social status -- those are the essential traits for me. (I don't have any tolerance for laziness or lack of ambition, though.) I'm starting to think this combination of traits is very rare. Maybe I'm old-fashioned but I prefer a relationship where the guy is slightly more dominant, kind of in a protective role, without being controlling. Does that make sense? It seems like that balance is hard to find. Half the men gravitate toward super independent women in to order compensate for some insecurity of their own, while the other half go for passive women who they can control. I want something in between. To me the sexiest thing is a guy who enjoys teaching a woman how to do things, and treats her with a certain tenderness, but still respects her. Why is this so hard to find? Is it something about the age we live in? What is with so many guys going for women who project an air of haughty confidence over a woman who is kind and nurturing? I see myself being able to fill that role pretty easily. I have always been baffled that women always say this is what they want but in the end they don't seem attracted to it.
Author shadowplay Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 I see myself being able to fill that role pretty easily. I have always been baffled that women always say this is what they want but in the end they don't seem attracted to it. Are you kidding me. That is exactly the type of guy I'm attracted to, but it is so hard to find.
Ocean-Blue Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Shadow, having a list is pretty pointless in the grand scheme of things. But that's for another thread... Even if a man has all of those things (and I'm sure there are many that do), you will find something wrong with him. I say that based on the many discussions you and I have had. You are trying to "solve" your problem by externalizing it. It's not that you haven't or can't meet such men...it's that you (for various reasons), can't see these guys for what they are. You have to admit, you gravitate to men who are much different than your ideal man. So ask yourself why it is that you CHOOSE to date those men and not others that can give you what you claim you want? And what happens if you do happen to meet a man that meets the threshold? What then?
Lyssa Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Men like you described do exist. I am seeing someone like that. I have learned a lot from him - am still learning and he is learning from me too. My ex was also like the type of man that you want BUT he was a spineless man cause he wouldn't stand up to what he wants so that didn't work out well between us. You'll meet your guy, Shadow.
Woggle Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Men like that do exist but they usually have very high standards for a woman. They don't just commit to any woman.
Jake Barnes Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Every guy is like that. The problem you have is that you look too closely and think too much. Haha, yes, of course, but who else but you could see it and state it so clearly Once again you cut through the confusion with your sharpened blade
Jake Barnes Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 If you take way all media influences, men and women typically are made a certain way. This is how they operate best. Men seek power, and women seek love. When a woman submits to a man, and gives him power, he then is able to give her true love. Both are fulfilled and happy. Even the act of sex is a woman submitting to a man. Submitting has several bad connotations these days, and I do not mean sexual role play, or being a doormat. Basically you should find a man you trust, one you feel will take care of you, a man with integrity, good character, a man whose life goals and plan you respect, and facilitate him in achieving those goals for both of you. You will then be irreplaceable to that man. What aspects are you worried about him controlling? If you do not want to be "controlled" it is best to stay single. The same goes for men. But i think your first paragraph is right on.I often agree with you, but I can't here or maybe I misunderstand you. Im not saying its not good for you, but for me the ideal is to be with someone who can be a great friend as well and i can't think of friendships in terms like dominance and submission. And dont get me wrong, Im pretty socially conservative, but the traditional patriarchal role doesnt appeal to me
Citizen Erased Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I recommend you get used to being alone and doing things for yourself. Save for retirement so that isn't too miserable. Then like it or not, you'll die, and none of this will ever have mattered. It really saddens me that someone like you feels that way. Shadow you're right, not every guy is like that. But a vast majority are. It's a shame that most women are attracted to the 10% out there that are complete a-holes.
Prodigal Princess Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 It really saddens me that someone like you feels that way. I don't find Johan's comment sad at all, in fact I feel the exact same way. It's a realistic way of looking at things. And I find looking at life from a practical perspective kind of comforting.
Lovelybird Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Smart, cute, kind but not a pushover, confident, empathetic, strong, emotionally available without being mushy, enjoys helping his gf out from time to time. Doesn't mind a girl who is emotional and even sad on occasion. Yes, definitely they exist. But when a woman see one, she may not recognize him, or even not really romantically attracted to him. similar soul attracts similar soul
vonerik012 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I often agree with you, but I can't here or maybe I misunderstand you. Im not saying its not good for you, but for me the ideal is to be with someone who can be a great friend as well and i can't think of friendships in terms like dominance and submission. And dont get me wrong, Im pretty socially conservative, but the traditional patriarchal role doesnt appeal to me I think this is just how we are wired. It isn't one person telling the other what to do, just more defined roles, or spheres of influence. As a small example..Which do women find more appealing... A. Honey, Be ready at 8, we are going to have a good time tonight.. B. Honey, what would you like to do? It's up to you.I am not sure. I think women are more turned on being led, than having to make most of the decisions in many areas..
Walk Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Smart, cute, kind but not a pushover, confident, empathetic, strong, emotionally available without being mushy, enjoys helping his gf out from time to time. IDK, I married a man that fits that pretty well. He's not the traditional kind of cute, but I think he's super sexy. There were some traits in you list that I had to negotiate on. i.e. He's emotionally available *most* of the time, but sometimes he gets hairs up his butt. He doesn't mind me being sad on occasion, but he gets irritated when I'm irrationally sad (which I get on occasion). I think the traits you described hold a huge area of subjective opinion. i.e. What does strong actually mean to YOU. Strong intellectually, strong character, strong physically... It might help you in finding a person you're really going to click with if you clarified why those things are important to you, what areas you're willing to negotiate on, and how each of those impacts your life. I'm starting to think this combination of traits is very rare. Its not rare.. but those traits describe a fairly well balanced individual who is comfortable with himself. Those types of people seek out others who have some what similiar traits. i.e. A woman who is fairly self-assured, intelligent, cute, emotionally stable, and down to earth. What is with so many guys going for women who project an air of haughty confidence over a woman who is kind and nurturing? I'm gonna be blunt.. I think you're a wonderful, amazing woman Shadow.. but you're very insecure. You can be the most nurturing, give every thing to a guy, type of person. But that insecurity drives certain people away. Especially people who aren't insecure, who are confident in themselves. The type of man you described wanting. They aren't looking to be some ones sole support system. They want someone who can also challenge them, nurture them, confidently take the helm when problems arise. To meet those types of men, you have to be at a place in your life where you're comfortable and happy with who you are. Which doesn't take too long to make happen, it just takes a great deal of effort. I think you're a really awesome person Shadow. If you can reduce the number of times you think negatively about yourself, it'll give you more time to look outside of yourself. And I think you'll find it pretty easy to find a man who meets what you're looking for. p.s. I'm sorry if I offended you with anything I wrote. I don't mean to.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Smart, cute, kind but not a pushover, confident, empathetic, strong, emotionally available without being mushy, enjoys helping his gf out from time to time. Doesn't mind a girl who is emotional and even sad on occasion. I don't care about money or social status -- those are the essential traits for me. (I don't have any tolerance for laziness or lack of ambition, though.) Hey Shadowplay, you just described the kind of guy I am looking for too! It's tough finding one of those with those traits that you click with on top of that. I also don't mind the guy being slightly more dominate and protective of me without being controling. I also find that I either run into men who would let you walk all over them or arrogant jerks who think they are better then everyone else. To me the sexiest thing is a guy who enjoys teaching a woman how to do things, and treats her with a certain tenderness, but still respects her. I think that is pretty sexy too actually. What is with so many guys going for women who project an air of haughty confidence over a woman who is kind and nurturing? Yeah, sometimes I feel like I got to act more disinterested then interested to keep their attention. But I think with guys like that it's more about them then me.
The Collector Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 You forgot 'tall.' These guys are rare, more so after a couple of decades of women labeling men who stand up to them as misogynists and defining strength as weakness. See my 'Where Have All The Cowboys Gone' thread for a deeper analysis.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Women are da debil! We are the cause of all death and distruction on this planet! Heck, some of us even breed short men.
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