Arsenic_Child Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Heres the back story a bit long, but bare with me. I was friends with this Girl who i will name Jill for the sake of argument about 12 months ago. We started hooking up consistently because she was my rebound/good friend after a horrid break-up. We never went out but we hooked up A LOT. About 3 Months In i met this other girl who's name was Danny. it was slow at first but i would see her at almost every party i would go to, and we started talking often. eventually we started hooking up with Her and i have a rule where if I'm hooking up with someone i don't hook up with others. so i told Jill that we had to stop hooking up. she was ok with it, but wanted to remain friends. Over time Jill became very clingy and obsessive. I started to date Danny and Jill got angry but I Ignored it because i knew she liked me, but I knew we didn't have anything in common except hooking up so it wouldn't work. When we 1st started dating i would still hang out with Jill until Danny got out of work, and at first Danny was o.k. with it, but slowly began to grow to hate the situation and made it known to me. But i didn't stop and even though i lied to her about it. Eventually i stopped hanging out with Jill but every time i told her no i couldn't she would cry histaricly, make me feel guilty about what we have been through and at times Threaten to end her own life. I would feel guilty and cave in and go see her so she would stop. and still lied to Danny about it. Eventually i did grow stronger and realized she wouldn't do anything to herself and stopped hanging out with her. Then the calls/texts came non stop. Danny Got Angry, but ignored it. finally it resulted in a "Break" and we got back together on One Condition: The Calls/Texts Stopped. and the did.... for awhile but every time Jill Got drunk she would send me "Dirty Texts", and also make me feel like crap about not hanging out anymore and started to tell her what she wanted to hear so she would stop. Then one night Danny Checked my Phone and saw this, i explained to her that i was telling her what she wanted to hear so she would stop harassing me, but keep in mind, i never responded to the "Dirty Texts". Danny was angry but i thought she got over it (This was about 4 months into the relationship with Danny). Then it got to the point where the Texts and Calls Came Back but never answered to any of them. Eventually i got so Fed up i Changed my Phone Number so i couldn't hurt my relationship or even possibly have it ruined because of Jill. I even cut all contact off from her Via Facebook, Aim, and Myspace. (this is about 5 months into the relationship) Then one Night about 3 weeks Ago me and Danny Got into a small argument and it all hit her at once. Everything that has happened up with Jill. And Shortly after me and Danny Broke up. We Broke Up after dating for 7 1/2 months and i am devastated. I never actually told Danny that i love her when i do really love her. i was afraid to tell her because of my Last Horrible relationship whom i did admit my love for her. I was Afraid to get my heart crushed by Danny so i never said it, well i did, but only when i was Drunk or in a Fight. She Said she has to get over this "trust" issue but until then we are broken up. Now my Question Is How Would i Regain her Trust Even thou we do not go out anymore, she knows i don't talk to Jill anymore, but she still has the hurt prior... i did everything for her because i care about her... alot... She told me she can see us together in the future because me and her are very compatible and good for each other, but first she has to get over this and make the hurt stop before we can do anything. i have even talked to her about it but i made the mistake of talking about it way too soon. im going to give it more time, but i want to some how prove to her that I'm Truely sorry for what i've done, also prove to her that i did do everything for her. I want an idea on how to Regain the trust she once had for me back with out us dating. I made the mistake of trying to talk to her about the breakup too soon, and instead of talking about it, we both got very emotional and had a hard time with it. That was a week after the breakup, now everytime we make plans to do something together she says "Please dont put me through what you put me through that one week." the problem is i want to talk about it and work it out but i dont know what to do. Im Going to Try NC but I'm Just so scared she will forget about me and move on to another guy.
vertigocidic Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Yikes, what a mess. I don't blame Danny; Jill sounds pathetic. I'm happy that you cut contact from her, but Danny is still hurting after everything you've done to her. Relationships are about trust, communication, and, here comes my favorite, HONESTY. If those three aren't in your relationship with Danny, of course she wants out. Talk to her, face to face, about this. Tell her everything you've described to us. Ask her what needs to be done to regain her trust. It's going to be very hard at first, but if you really do love her, it's going to be worth it in the end.
citizen67 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Im Going to Try NC but I'm Just so scared she will forget about me and move on to another guy. If you decide to do NC it has to be b/c you think it will help you move on - it won't work if you are focused on her and worried that NC will make her forget you and move on. It just doesnt work that way. If you want her back, then get her back. If she wants to stop communication respect that but ask if there any avenues of communication that could be left often, "can I email you on occasion?" - then keep the line open without being clingly & desperate. If you want to get over her and move on, go NC - people say it works
Author Arsenic_Child Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 Yikes, what a mess. I don't blame Danny; Jill sounds pathetic. I'm happy that you cut contact from her, but Danny is still hurting after everything you've done to her. Relationships are about trust, communication, and, here comes my favorite, HONESTY. If those three aren't in your relationship with Danny, of course she wants out. Talk to her, face to face, about this. Tell her everything you've described to us. Ask her what needs to be done to regain her trust. It's going to be very hard at first, but if you really do love her, it's going to be worth it in the end. I Have Tried, but everytime i do we both start breaking down to tears
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