nattylite415 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 This is an update to the post i made last Thursday. So yesterday morning i ended up meeting my ex for lunch. The ex called me around 10 and asked if i still wanted to go out to eat, but i said my parents are coming into town to check out my new place and that i did not have that much time to go out. Then she asked if i still wanted to talk, and i said yes. She suggested that we go to her apartment to talk, which we did. "Lunch" turned into an hour and fifteen minute talk at her dining room table. We started with small talk about random stupid stuff, and once we ran out of crap to shoot she asked what i wanted to get off my chest. All i said was that i was sorry for not always being there for her, even though it was a long distance relationship. I also apologized for saying some hurtful things to her to drive her away from me, and that i could tell that she was seeing someone else. I gave her back all the pictures she gave me(4 total) and i told her that i couldn't carry them around anymore. At this point she started to cry. She told me i didn't have to give them back, but i said i can't look at them any longer. We then talked about some of the stuff we did in the past and all the good times we had. This eventually led into talking about the guy she was dating. She talked about this guy that she met from her grandma's church and the two things we had in common. She said that we are both always late and we are both indecisive. I toild her thats pretty She then began to talk about how the new guy she was dating was insecure and that he liked her more than she liked him. I told her that i really did not want to talk about him. She then told me that she missed my hugs and my body, which i was not incredibly flattered about. Then she told me that she was not ready to be dating this guy and that she was not looking forward to seeing him tomorrow. As time grew near for both of us to leave, i said i would drive her to her volunteer place. It was a pretty quiet drive until we arrived. She asked if i still wanted to talk and i said yes. I then asked her if she would ever consider going out with me again, and she said she was not sure. I gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek before she got out of my car, and then the tears started flowing from her eyes again. She said she would kiss me if she was not seeing Nick, and that she did not want to ruin anything she had with this guy. After her volunteer she called me and we talked some more. She talked about how her grandmother would like me more than the other guy and that i have a more stable future (this is where i really started to get confused). We talked more that day over the phone, but it was pretty much about the same crap. She mentioned that she still thinks we are very close and that we were like best friends, but i told her i won't be able to talk to her like friends because i still had feelings for her. She wants to hang out this week but im not sure what to do. What the hell does this girl want?
CaliGuy Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 She's confused, my friend. You need to stay away and give her space. I don't think hanging out is such a good idea. The last thing you want do is come off needy and clingy. You both are quite young I am guessing?
Melrapuo Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Yea, she's confused. She sounds just like my ex too right now. At the moment she's trying to leave all of her options open because she doesn't know what she wants. Try and focus on yourself rather than her. And do what feels right. You'll know when you're ready to talk to her again, but until that point comes live your own life. Believe me, take this advice. Part of you is probably saying you can fix it on your own, but the honest truth is that you just have to give her space, as I'm doing with mine. When she figures out what she wants, she'll either let you know or you'll just figure it out. Make yourself better, and have fun. Don't force things to happen, and don't be clingy. Everything works out in the long run.
BackonTrack Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Hello, Your ex does sound confused & I don't think what she wants & I think she's trying to keep her options open. In that sense, it sounds like my ex except my ex open her option up while we were together, in essence made her a whore & I found out, called her a whore, broke up with her. We were still on talking terms, I ended the friendship, she still talked to me until one day I broke down, started to cry, then sent her email stating lets work it out then she told me to **** off. Haven't heard from her in 5 months. Ok I guess I have nothing really constructive to say except forget about this girl, stop talking to her & don't see her again. Move on with your life, she'll either come back or not.
Author nattylite415 Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 We're both 20 yrs old. The whole grandma approval thing is because she is from a somewhat traditional chinese family. I really want to give her space, but at the same time i don't want to lose her. What should i tell her if she calls? thanks for all of your advice.
CaliGuy Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 We're both 20 yrs old. The whole grandma approval thing is because she is from a somewhat traditional chinese family. I really want to give her space, but at the same time i don't want to lose her. What should i tell her if she calls? thanks for all of your advice. Don't take the call. Give her the gift of missing you....
WiseOne1 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Don't take the call. Give her the gift of missing you.... Caliguys right. Most exs are trying to string there ex along or trying to keep there options open. But I think your ex is genuily confused, she really doesnt know what she wants. To make it easier for the both of you the best you can do is go NC. Why? Because she cant think clearly aslong as both of you guys are there, she can see what she needs and what she doesnt need. She might can live without the other guy, but the question is can she live without you, or is she willing to live without you? The best thing you can do is give her space, even though she wants to be friends and stay in contact, whos that helping? thats helping her. NC is kinda like tough love, that way you no what your dealing with. I really have hope for you too.
0hpenelope Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 It sounds like it's worth saving, whatever you guys have. But I keep remembering what she told you in the other thread you posted. "Don't be ignoring me" etc. I even quoted it in my response. Gotta bring you back to earth. Don't be a door mat. : points to CaliGuy's current sig line from Balthazar :
Author nattylite415 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 well, the internet decided to go out after it was just installed, and again i did not get to see your advice(thanks anyways, again) so i decided to do what my heart felt and answered the phone when she called. The first time she called she was at the movie theater with her boyfriend. She called while he was in the bathroom, and the conversation was very short. Pretty much she just wanted to say that she would call me after she dropped him off. About an hour later she called and we talked for several hours. While we were talking her boyfriend calls. She told me that he was calling and she would call me right back. About fifteen minutes later she calls back and says that she broke up with him. We talked for a couple more hours about what we could do to make it work again, and eventually fell asleep on the phone. thanks to everyone who posted for your advice and support. hopefully it works out this time. I almost want to call my internet provider and thank them for their terrible service.
CaliGuy Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Well I hope it works out for you. Don't be in such a rush to get back to where you were or you'll end up splitting again. Patience is truly a virtue.
WiseOne1 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 well, the internet decided to go out after it was just installed, and again i did not get to see your advice(thanks anyways, again) so i decided to do what my heart felt and answered the phone when she called. The first time she called she was at the movie theater with her boyfriend. She called while he was in the bathroom, and the conversation was very short. Pretty much she just wanted to say that she would call me after she dropped him off. About an hour later she called and we talked for several hours. While we were talking her boyfriend calls. She told me that he was calling and she would call me right back. About fifteen minutes later she calls back and says that she broke up with him. We talked for a couple more hours about what we could do to make it work again, and eventually fell asleep on the phone. thanks to everyone who posted for your advice and support. hopefully it works out this time. I almost want to call my internet provider and thank them for their terrible service. Congrats man. I knew it sounded good, I had expectation for this. Take things slowly and dont take anything for granted. Alot of us wish we could get our ex back, and a few of us dont want them back. But thats good man, so did she tell you why she broke up with him?
sultry33 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 i would think calling your ex whilst on a date with your new guy is a sign enough;) im happy for you too.. but as caliguy says paitence
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