frenchgirl Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I just discovered LoveShack and I think it's really cool! I am 24 years old and have just graduated from business school. I work for a large Internet company and I love my job. There's this guy I work with who always smiles at me, holds the door for me and makes me laugh every time we talk. He even said he thinks I'm really beautiful and touched my back when he said it. I invited him to the movies to go watch Batman. He looks a bit shy so I thought I'd make the first move. He said he couldn't go because he's busy. I was so disappointed! He keeps smiling at me and flirting with me, and even hinted that he'd pay me a drink some time. Is he gay or just not interested?
Kamille Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I just discovered LoveShack and I think it's really cool! I am 24 years old and have just graduated from business school. I work for a large Internet company and I love my job. There's this guy I work with who always smiles at me, holds the door for me and makes me laugh every time we talk. He even said he thinks I'm really beautiful and touched my back when he said it. I invited him to the movies to go watch Batman. He looks a bit shy so I thought I'd make the first move. He said he couldn't go because he's busy. I was so disappointed! He keeps smiling at me and flirting with me, and even hinted that he'd pay me a drink some time. Is he gay or just not interested? Welcome to LS French girl and I apologize in advance for this next comment which will be tongue in cheek, but your question made me laugh: if he is gay, he obviously isn't interested. Now please allow me to offer some real advice: The ball is in his court. If he wants to get together with you, it is now up to him. You, in the meantime, are free to check out who else out there might be interested in going to see Batman with you. One last thing: he might also have a girlfriend already. You have no way of knowing for sure why he isn't asking you out, so the best thing to do is not worry about it and take his lack of action as your cue to move on.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 if he is gay, he obviously isn't interested. Yes I figured as much! The ball is in his court. If he wants to get together with you, it is now up to him. You, in the meantime, are free to check out who else out there might be interested in going to see Batman with you. One last thing: he might also have a girlfriend already. You have no way of knowing for sure why he isn't asking you out, so the best thing to do is not worry about it and take his lack of action as your cue to move on. Yeah you're right. I just don't understand why he keeps saying I'm beautiful and suggested he'd offer me a drink. Is it me?
Stockalone Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 He could have been busy and because he is (too) shy, he didn't have the guts or presence of mind to offer to see the movie on another day. Or he could be gay or simply not interested. There really isn't a way to be certain about this. However, gay or not interested seems unlikely given that he keeps flirting with you. He now knows that you wouldn't turn him down if he asked for a date, so I would wait and see if he can muster the courage and ask you out for those drinks. Or if you don't mind taking the initiative again, when he flirts with you, ask him: "So when are you taking me out for those drinks?". If he doesn't seize that opportunity, that is his loss and you know for sure that he isn't interested enough or too scared to ask you out. That would be his loss.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 Or he could be gay or simply not interested. There really isn't a way to be certain about this. However, gay or not interested seems unlikely given that he keeps flirting with you. That's what I thought but perhaps he just likes to flirt with girls and thinks nothing much of it? He really makes me feel special and I would hate to be misled. Or if you don't mind taking the initiative again, when he flirts with you, ask him: "So when are you taking me out for those drinks?". If he doesn't seize that opportunity, that is his loss and you know for sure that he isn't interested enough or too scared to ask you out. That would be his loss. I've thought of that but wouldn't it make me look clingy? I figured he might be shy but his previous excuse (being "busy") seemed a bit lame to me.
Kamille Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I've thought of that but wouldn't it make me look clingy? I figured he might be shy but his previous excuse (being "busy") seemed a bit lame to me. I once pulled a stunt like this on a guy. We'd always flirted, we hooked up one night and then he failed to ask me out again. It took me awhile before we saw each other again and of course when we did, he started flirting with me. In the conversation, where he brought up the hook up, I said: well what I don't understand is how you never had the decency to ask me out on a proper date.... The next time we ran into each other, months after, he did ask me out on a date. Alas I had broken up with someone two days earlier and wasn't at all ready to date. My point is that it is possible to do as Stockalone suggested without seeming clingy. With the right attitude, it can work to your advantage.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 The next time we ran into each other, months after, he did ask me out on a date. Alas I had broken up with someone two days earlier and wasn't at all ready to date. So what happened, you never dated him after all? I just don't understand guys. He's got enough courage to tell me I'm beautiful and touch me with a lot of sensuality, but yet he is too shy to ask me out on a date? I read so many threads here where guys say that girls who make the first move are desperate. I certainly don't want to come across as being head over heels with him!
Kamille Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 So what happened, you never dated him after all? No we never dated after all. Things didn't go so well once I declined the date explaining I wasn't ready to date yet. He didn't seem to get it and was a bit defensive and pushy. My interest in him waned. I just don't understand guys. He's got enough courage to tell me I'm beautiful and touch me with a lot of sensuality, but yet he is too shy to ask me out on a date? That's the thing, he likely has the courage to ask you out, but something is holding him back. There is no way you can figure out what's holding him back, so that's why you should do your best to not internalize it. There are so many reasons that could explain it (like maybe he just broke up with someone and isn't ready to date ). But you shouldn't hang on to someone who isn't ready to step up and ask you out. I read so many threads here where guys say that girls who make the first move are desperate. I certainly don't want to come across as being head over heels with him! I find there are two ways to make the first move. With the guy I mentioned, I left it up to him to do the asking out. Obviously it meant I was interested, but since we had kissed I figured that was already pretty obvious. By saying I was still waiting for him to ask me out, I think I made it clear I wasn't into some FWB arrangement and that if he wanted to be with me he needed to step up.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 What I sad several interactions with the guy and he was always warm and cheerful. I'm supposed to have drinks with a couple of friends this week. Perhaps I could invite him to come along and see how it goes? I think this would be less of a bold move on my part. What do you think?
vonerik012 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Too funny.. So if a guy is busy, then it is assumed he might be gay.. Sounds pretty bitter. "I asked this girl out, and she said she is busy. Think she is a lesbian?"
JoeNewbie Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 I agree this would be a less aggressive move on your part - and this could be a good thing. However it could also send him the message that you want to be just friends.
JoeNewbie Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Too funny.. So if a guy is busy, then it is assumed he might be gay.. Sounds pretty bitter. "I asked this girl out, and she said she is busy. Think she is a lesbian?" I thought the same but I guess he probably looks like a uber-metrosexual, thus causing the doubt...
nopainnogain Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 personally. I think he is flamin like a hot tamale
almost famous Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 lol I agree with melody, nothing you can do now, just be friendly and if he asks you out, great. Some guys at work just want to use you for ego boosts. There was a guy at work a few years ago who emailed me and flirted with me like crazy, luckily I didn't ask him out, found out he was engaged. Now I wouldn't want a guy like that anyway, who would very flagrantly flirt with other women (and I mean saying things like "You look so beautiful today") so I figure I dodged a bullet and he didn't get his ego boost of me asking him out and fawning over him.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 Too funny.. So if a guy is busy, then it is assumed he might be gay.. Sounds pretty bitter. "I asked this girl out, and she said she is busy. Think she is a lesbian?" Come on, guys... I'm not bitter at all. He does look a bit gay but I could be wrong. I just thought perhaps he's a really shy guy after all and that I should find a way to see him out of the office.
vonerik012 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Well improve your gaydar.. How can we advise you on this?? But you know what it sounds like...A little arrogant... "Oh he said he is busy, he must be gay!" Like a woman turning a man down "She said she is busy, must be a lesbian!"
almost famous Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 No, she didn't, she asked if it could be a possibility from his actions. You are awfully defensive about this. She's just asking a question, it's not like being gay is a bad thing or something to be ashamed of.....so come out of the closet, Von.
nopainnogain Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Here's a tip: Don't date your co-workers. 9 times out of 10 it will end badly, and why would you want to risk your career? dont dip your pen in company ink
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