she offered me a thressome ...but now she dont want it

August 17, 2008

HI, i have a problem i want to talk about and maybe receive advices or external points of views that could help me to solve it.

My girl (we are not married) told me moths ago about her experiences...she told me she had one threesome in her past, i did not ask for some particulars of it..i only said "ok you had it". 4 months she started to talk about it so explicit...i mean she started to talk about us...she said me that she have a fantasy...to make love with me and one of her girlfriends...so she asked me if i ever wanted it...i said her that i have never done it in my life and its one of my fantasies...every man have this fantasy...so she went on talking about it...how hot and sexy it would be...she talked me about the girl....how beautiful and nice she is...so i listened to all the things she told me...it was a moment where she was a little confused because she basically said to me "what if you find her better than me? what if you think she is doing to you better than me??" in few words she felt a little scared about a possibly their competition. after that conversation (as always) i didnt talk about it no more...she was the one to talk about it ...every time...for moths she was teasing me...every time the # 3 was in a conversation..she play me talking about it..she tease me...but i have never talked about it no more.

Few days ago she was talking to me and that subject was intruded again...as a question..she asked me "would you like a threesome?" and i said "as i told you every time we talked about it, yes...i have never tried in my life and it would be a new experience for me..its a fantasy..and a fantasy that can come true its so sexy.", so she said me "NO! i dont wanna do it with you because i love you and i dont wanna share you with n one else!".

for one side i was like "GOD THAT'S REAL LOVE!!! SHE REALLY LOVE ME!!"..but for the other side i was like "WHAT!?!?!? YOU OFFERED IT TO ME...YOU DID IT IN YOUR PAST...YOU TEASED ME...YOU PLAYED WITH ME ABOUT IT..AND NOW YOU CLOSE THAT DOOR ON MY FACE? I DONT REALLY SEE WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PLAY WITH ME IN THAT WAY!"..so i told her those things a little confused and upset...so she explained to me that in her past it was a mistake...and that in her life was never hard to say NO! to because she didnt cared about the people she was with. i understand that's a really good thing..because she want to show me that we have love...real love as i feel...but in the same time i feel so hurt because she awoke a part of me that would be sleeping and dieing inside myself...she played with it she feed it...she make me be closer to touch it with my hand..than she closed the door as i was the one to ask for...but i would never ask that thing to her...never in my life i would ask for.

so i was thinking and telling her some things she made me think...i was comparing me with that guy of her past...that had the the shamelessness to ask her for...and i said "i cant really believe that you feel so open and ready to sacrifices for the people you dont care about...you can do what they asked to you for or what they want from you...but in this occasion you offered to me something i would never try to ask for...that you know i dreamed in my fantasies...so you made me think about it..you opened my mind about that experience..and now you tell me no? thats sad and even unfair." i mean i dont want her to do it because i want it...is not my style to push people to do what i want them to do...but she know how important its a fantasy...i dont understand why she had to made me believe for long time...and than stop that fantasy in the worst cold way. I would/will never talk about something i dont really want...i will never offer something i dont trust in...now my problem is so big..even if it can seems a stupid little particular for some people...i cant get out of my mind the imagine of her making love with 2 persons...and im not one of them...i feel offend because she tease me and played me..and even jealous because she did it in her past...she tried to realize a thing i have never talked about but i really wanted ..she know that..and she finally destroyed it.

and another things that made me go so mad its that she told me "a threesome its a stupid thing...if you dont do it please know you are not losing anything important" ...and i feel so sad because it seem the parent that smoke and tell to the own son "you must not smoke because its a stupid thing!"...but the difference its that i dont want to do it because i wanna imitate her...but because its was on my mind since i was thinking about sex...because she woke it up on me...and than she tried to cancel it ...but its not easy.

that thing make me feel so sad...because in this way she 'broke' a little our relationship...i mean we are together...but im thinking of that thing so often..and i go really mad...i feel played...and teased ... to me it look like she is hiding her smile because she played me....even if i know she is not enjoying about that.

so she introduce a subject to me..to my mind...knowing i care about it...and now its impossible....so why she talked about it if she thinks she told me that a threesome is stupid thing??

what can i do? am i too 'extreme' on my reaction? because i really feel hurt and 'used'..she played with my fantasies...she did it with somebody else in her past...and even if i didnt asked for or thought about...she say me no...after teasing me for a long long time...i feel like im not at the same level of the shamelessness people she had..and maybe that she cant be mind open with me because so i cant really see the real her.

I have never played with her fantasies or deep wishes...because i know its not fair and even how sad she could feel after a thing like that.

please somebody give an answer or an advice..because im going crazy...that thing risk to spoil the love i feel..and the strong connection i felt till 4 days ago...im mad and upset..im sad...im angry...im nervous...im so down. i think she made a big mistake and i dont know if its have a solution..and thats scare me so bad...because i love her...and i would never imagine to be in a situation like that because of her..never in my life.

sorry because my bad english...im from Spain.

August 17, 2008

Seems like your biggest problem with this is that your gf implied she would do it, and then changed her mind. That's never an easy thing to get over, no matter what it was. But you say you do understand why she doesn't want to make it a reality, right? If you placed yourself in her shoes (you and another guy with her) how would you feel about sharing your gf with another guy? Would it make you jealous, upset, feel less important to your gf? Think about having another man in the bedroom pounding away at your gf, or going down on her, how would that make you feel?

I think why your gf was talking to you about it so much (what you called teasing) is because you were so excited about the idea. I think that excited her. Turned her on. She wanted to do something you would really love, she wanted to fulfill your fantasy. And the more excited you became by her talking about it, the more excited she became. So she continued talking about it, mentioning it, bringing it up. Until the point where she would have to physically do it. She's said she didn't enjoy 3-ways, so the only reason she would talk about it would be to turn you on.

There's a huge difference between a fantasy and reality. My H would love to have anal sex with me... its one of his fantasies. I find it extremely painful though. However, I get really excited talking to him about it because I know it really turns him on. It excites him so much when I talk about it, and I love that.

Why can't you two use that incredible fantasy you have without actually having another woman there? Create the illusion of it without hurting your gf's feelings by actually having another woman in the bedroom with you.

You used the analogy of a parent who smokes telling her kid it's stupid to smoke. But isn't it true? The parent knows that smoking is addictive, it smells bad, it causes lung cancer and all kinds of horrible things... the parent knows it would've been better to never start at all. They know it wasn't worth lighting up that first cigarette.

So why do you feel your gf is lying about her experience with 3 ways? In her opinion it wasn't good. She knows because she's done it. If she'd loved it, she wouldn't have a single problem having one with you. She'd go find the girl and drag her in even without your consent. But she didn't like it, and doesn't want to do it again. Especially not with a man she loves and respects.

i was comparing me with that guy of her past...that had the the shamelessness to ask her for...and i said "i cant really believe that you feel so open and ready to sacrifices for the people you dont care about...you can do what they asked to you for or what they want from you...but in this occasion you offered to me something i would never try to ask for...that you know i dreamed in my fantasies...

This comment was very manipulative on your part. You basically were saying "You don't love me enough". You might be feeling that way, but you are telling her to PROVE she loves you enough by allowing you to have a 3 way. And if she doesn't prove it by setting up a 3 way, that that will prove she doesn't love you. Is that what you meant?

That comment was extremely pressuring to get a 3 way. If you wanted to hurt her, that comment was it!! You might as well have told her that she's a lying whore who doesn't love you. It probably wouldn't have hurt any worse then the comment you made above. You owe her an apology for that one.

I know you feel let down by your gf. It seems like she really did want to make your fantasy a reality, but your moment of happiness would have caused her years of pain and heartache. She is asking you to comprimise your one night of happiness.

If you can comprimise, maybe you two could incorporate a 3 way in less substantial ways into your relationship. Like watching porn together and pretending there's another woman in the room, or having your gf talk about what another woman would be doing to you if it were a 3 way, etc.

Find ways to keep the elements of the fantasy alive without actually having to have another woman in the bedroom.

Your other choice is to leave your gf and have a 3 way with 2 other woman. Are you willing to give up your relationship for a 3 way? Is it so important to you that you're willing to toss aside your gf just for 1 night with 2 women. Is it worth that much to you?

August 17, 2008

You're disappointed right now because, as you said, she awoke a desire in you and then took away the possibility of it happening. Unless she did that maliciously - meaning, she wanted to mess with your mind - I think you should calm down and let this go.

It sounds like she WAS thinking about having the threesome, but then she changed her mind over time, especially as she started having feelings for you. She started worrying you would find the other woman sexier than her. She started to care whether it would turn out badly. So, she decided your relationship was better off without a threesome.

And then, because now YOU really wanted it, she tried to convince you that threesomes are stupid, so you would hopefully stop wanting it so much if you heard from someone who had actually had one that they're not really as much fun as the fantasy is.

If you love her and you know she loves you, you have to let this go and forget it.

If you think she deliberately got you excited only to shut you down, then you have much bigger problems than no threesome in your future. Someone who plays games with you isn't long term relationship material. If you suspect she did something like that, then you don't trust her. And that means you need to get out of the relationship.

Forget about the threesome. Think about everything else in your relationship and how you are together. What's more important to you?

August 17, 2008

i really understand what you are saying (Walk and Norajane)...i do feel my relationship with her so important...the most important in whole life... i do love her...so so bad..and thats why i feel hurt more and more..because i really care of my girl..and everything she do is so important to me...and thats was one of them..as all we share...but my mind is killing me...im so mad...so sad....nervous...i do all in the wrong way after that thing...its like i was poisoned...and i react in the worst way with every one...i feel 'sick' ...all the time i use to think again and again "if she ever asked to me about it i would live relaxed and in peace as i did till 4 days ago"... and her words "i care about you so much to tell you yes"..scare me more...its like one day if something bad happen between us because and argue she would met everyone and do some crazy things because she is feeling hurt and she have not any kind of real feeling with this person... i know im going to far with my way to think...but i cant find the way to solve it...to finish it...

i never thought that i would feel in this way because that that thing... i cant rest...i cant relax...i lost a piece of my happiness...but in the same time i dont wanna let her go away from me...i need her... i wish i could turn back in time and dont hear her offer again...i wish she could not ask me for a thing she was not really ready or convince ...because is the way i do all the things...i check all the possibles ways...i think about all the consequences...than i really open my mouth to tell things... but i dont do that after i feel treated like a kind of 'toy'.

so i dont really think that she think about a 3some like a bad experience...because she told me that thing after our argue...and if you think something is not good...that something ts only garbage...why offer it so explicit as she did?

talking about the chance to be with her and another guy...is a possibility that dont exist for me...one because i dont want it...two because i would never ask for a 3some. It would be the best way to stop the argue if she has never done it before..and i was the one asking for...than she tell me "i never did a thing like that and dont like it and i will never do it...but maybe for you...i could... if you want me with another girl...its ok we can do it but i want you with another guy" thats would be perfect to stop all the problem...but i didnt open my mouth..i was a witness and i only express my fantasies because she asked to me...so is not possible to think in that way right now...its so stupid to talk about things you dont really trust in...and that thing hurt so bad..

some people tell me i use to think so much...so so much..and maybe i do...thats why i can rest..thats why i cant stop my mind...but i dont know how to do...what to do to make it better...because i didnt create the problems..so i have not any response for myself.

i really wish not one of those things could happen in my life...i really want to cancel all the situation...but i cant...i cant choose what to think or what to feel...so i feel down...and i feel like maybe i have not to be so open with her...i feel that maybe i have to keep part of me only to myself...because i dont like to be full open in my relationship...giving my all in every time...even for little stupid things...if from the other side i dont receive the same support and attention of needs.

August 17, 2008

You need to change your perspective on this. Instead of reacting like a child who was promised a trip to the beach and then the parents had to cancel the plans, you must look at your girlfriend as a woman who loves you too much to do something with you that could really hurt your relationship.

Yes, a threesome is your fantasy, but you've never done it and don't know how it can mess up a good relationship. Your gf is right - what will happen if you do like the other girl too much? Your gf will become insecure and upset and angry, and then you will blame your gf for being the one to suggest the threesome in the first place. You could develop feelings for the other woman. Or you might find that you are jealous to see your gf enjoying the attention of another woman...what if she enjoys it more than what you do to her?

You have to get past the idea that you were offered something wonderful and had it taken away from you. You have to understand that not acting out your fantasy is much better than acting it out.

Look at the BIGGER picture, and don't focus so much on this little bump in the road! If you want to ever be with someone forever, you have to accept that people sometimes make mistakes and don't think ahead and then have to try and fix those mistakes. That's what she is doing by changing her mind about the threesome - she is trying to fix a mistake she made in offering it.

She is loving you more now than she did before - that's why she is being cautious and not wanting to bring a third person into your relationship to possibly mess it up. Now it is up to you whether you handle this like a man or a disappointed child.

August 17, 2008

In 1st i want to say you 2 thank you so much because you are dedicating time to my post and writing interesting points of view and advices. that means so much to me.thanks again.

talking about the possibility of me to changing my feelings because another woman...i dont really think so..every time i go out with my friends i always have some occasion to cheat or some one night stands...but i dont take those chances because i want her...even if my friends things im crazy because i dont live the 'moment' when im 'free' from her...i dont care...i want my girl...so i was never thought about a 3some like something to do everyday...not even when she talked about it... i was not thinking to share my girl... but share a little piece of our sex with the possibly girl...she dont have to share me...i dont wanna share her..we can share the 3th person....i dont know if i explained it good...but in the same time...if she think that i could brake with her and prefer the other girl..it make me so mad...because im so in love with her...thats what i think... im the kind of person that can change feelings only if i feel offend or used...if i think and realize im 'working' on a thing that im the one who really trust in...so its waste time...and i dont like to waste time...i use to do all i do as a "man of honor"...my word will always be respected...i cant do in another way...so left her because the other one its a possibility thats dont exist for me ..and if she really trust and feel my love....she would never have to doubt...

..its like i wrote...why she is relaxed and in peace even when i go out with my friends to clubbing? clubs are plenty of girls...and some of them want to have sex... and i use to go to really good places...and if she really needs to feel scary..maybe could be more scary thinking of me in the club with sexy, easy, drunk girls all around...without her close to me than us together into this experience...i dont know..maybe the way i think about things can seem too easy...but its is to me...even knowing the so many other are so hard to me...and that one of them

i love my girl...and before started my 'problem' i was only thinking...only with her i would like to try that thing...without her there is no way... but now i dont know...i think about her past...and our present..and my past...and i feel confused... and thats not good for me...not good for the relationship...lately happened that we were having so good times...but in those 3 secs that my mind come back in time by itself... i was with her serious...mad...almost shocked...and i wanna solve that thing

lately i was thinking that maybe i need to go to meet and specialist... a doctor..psychologist... not to receive answer...the doctor cant solve my problem..but maybe can help me to see all the situation better...i dont know..i have never needed a doctor to solve my problems...i have to think about it...and i know that we need to talk about it..and explain it...but i will not be the one to introduce the subject.....i will be and act as i did from the start of that story

August 17, 2008

Trusting you not to cheat when you go out to clubs with your friends is very, very different from bringing another woman into your bed and your gf watching you have sex with the other woman. It's just miles and miles apart in difference. Many people simply cannot handle that, and it sounds like your girlfriend gave it some thought and realized she is one of those people who cannot handle watching the man she loves touching another woman in front of her.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to seek a counselor to talk to about this. Maybe he or she can help you work this out in your head and see your gf's perspective a little more clearly.

August 19, 2008

Hi LatinoMan,
I understand exactly what you are going through.! I have been in your situation myself a few years ago. It's a really tough one to understand, and more importantly it's a really tough thing to forget.

If your situation is like mine, your emotions will be flying between:

Excitement, what an awsome opportunity to have a fantasy come true with someone I really care about.
Anger at the opportunity being taken away.
Jealousy that someone else has had that experience with your partner.
Frustration that nothing you say or do will change her mind.
Feeling sick when you think about it.
Wondering why she won't trust you
It's horrible. I feel for you. BUT by the sounds of things you have 2 options.

Let it go, imagine the opportunity was never there.
Go and fullfill the fantasy with someone else.
If you keep bringing it up with your partner, all that will happen is you will get more frustrated, she will think she isn't good enough for you on her own, and the relationship will fall appart.

I went for option 1. But that hasn't changed that I am angry with her for not thinking through the consequenses of raising such a "tricky" subject.

Good luck.!!

Wow, that put so much responsibility on her, as though she was supposed to know that you found it such a tricky subject. Not all guys do, you know. She probably had no idea the effect it would have on you. And you can bet, FOR SURE, she never would have brought it up if she had known it would send you into a tailspin like that.

August 19, 2008

hi gypsy200, you are so right ...im in the same situation you described and lived time ago... you wrote a list of feelings im feeling right now... you can really feel me... and we do know that im not in this situation because i wanna push somebody to do something but only because i received a door on my face...a door that i've never knocked ... and yes is so hard to dont feel what im feeling...yesterday night e were talking and having a good time...realxed and funny...but it was a moment when i said "i really want a dn need to spend my time with you"...and she told me playing and smiling "only with me and no one else? ajaj" ...i was trying to dont think about it because i know i really change fascial expression...so i said..."i meant lifetime...but when you talk about somebody else i meant only one night.." so she stopped the subject... the bad thing its that she seems not understand me...after all we talked about..after she told me when we had the argue "now i understand that a 3some its so important to you!" ...so if she understand that...why going on talking about it? ...because its like time by time im trying to forget (its impossible) and feel better...but she is putting out it like a joke..like i was wrong..but i was not wrong..not to me... so i really think that not now...but one day when ill feel so much realxed i will have to talk about it...but only when she put out the subject again...its werid but i dindt talk about it..and than she is the one goign on ... even in the "kidding funny" way... and that thing get me mad..because its like she put on front of me that imagine i got in my mind about her 3some... and the NO! i received without any request for...

August 19, 2008

Latinoman, your relationship is falling apart in front of your eyes. I don't understand why you think this is such a joke to her. I think that in theory she liked the idea and wanted to share the experience with you but when she realized how important this became to you it scared her. It is like she opened up Pandora's box by accident. With the way you are talking about this 3some idea I can tell that you are far too excited about this idea, and this would end your relationship if you actually tried it. And judging by what you are saying I am affraid the damage has already been done. You have turned her off to the idea with your eagerness to try it, your thoughts seem to be obsessive with this idea of a threesome and now she feels like the sanctuary of her relationship with you has been ruined. I am sure you are miss reading her reactions to this, you seem to be implying that this was some cruel joke she played on you and you think she is just rubbing it in your face when she says things like"only with me and no one else? ajaj" but the truth is she senses how obsessed you have become over this talk of a 3some and now she feels threatened. When she makes statement about wanting to be with only you she is seeking reassurance that your relationship with her means more to you then "one night of fun". However if you are willing to jeopardize your relationship for one night of 'infidelity with permission' then perhaps it is time to end your relationship. I have made the mistake of having a 3some with my H and wish I had never allowed it to happen. I at no point felt like I was worried about him wanting to be with her more then me but what I didn't like is the actual reality of seeing my H have sex with someone else..it had me in tears by the end of it. I thought I would like it but the reality is much different then the fantasy, and I am aware that my H didn't want to upset me but I couldn't help but be forever scared by seeing him with someone else. You need to stop thinking that she has taken back this offer from selfishness...and realize that she just finally woke up and realized from your reactions that this could hurt her and it isn't worth her being hurt just to fulfill your fantasy.

August 20, 2008

i dont know why i read only things like "forget it" or "stop to think about it"...im not doing it intensionally..im not trying to think about it...i wish she could never offered it to me...because that moment would never have any reason to be... she cant try to cancel it from my mind...im not a floppy disk...that she can erase what she want and go on like nothing happened...

that situation make me so sad and unhappy...making that choice (offer her close the door) i feel like she dont trust on me...like she think im the kind of person who can escape from her if i got the occasion...im not that person...

so the problem is that her 'play'...is hurting me... she dont understand that before it was only a fantasies...than after she talked about i was wishing to have it only with her... but all the things turned in the wrong way... and the bad thing is that now its me the one to seems wrong because im i feel what i feel... i feel like trying to push her...but i dont...i feel that maybe a woman cannot really understand me..because this kind of things are so different for a man than woman...and now i feel sick...obsessioned

i do understand that all is going in the wrong way...thats why im trying to understand what to do..thats why im witting this post..i only want to solve that problem...but every day it seems bigger and bigger...and it killing me inside...i cant do anything right...every day i feel so down...and its not a good thing.

August 20, 2008

Of course you realise that usually these things never live up to what you've idolised in your head yes?

I do find it difficult to get my head around that you're finding this such a HUGE deal. I understand it was something you would like to have tried, and that offer has been withdrawn, but you need to find a way to let that go or you're going to lose this girl.

It's not about her not trusting you to do this. It's about her loving you too much to share you. Which is exactly why I would not do this with a partner I was in love with.

Women are highly fantasy based when it comes to sex. She may have well been enjoy discussing the fantasy of this act with you, rather than actually wanting to go through with the fact. I very much suspect she had no idea that was going to lead to this outcome or disturb you quite so much.

I suspect you're more upset that she's done this before and won't do it with you. Try to understand her reasons for this. They are positive for you.

August 20, 2008

i feel so confused and its like every time we spend time together i want to say her "its over"... but in the meantime i cant let her go...i love her....and yes littlekitty thats what im feeling now "I suspect you're more upset that she's done this before and won't do it with you" ....when i know that she did...i was like "ok its your life and your experiences" and i have never felt like im feeling since she offered than close the door on my face... is a really bad situation...i have on my mind so many things to say...so many feelings to show... i dont know if i will be able to handle the situation... maybe everything will go worst and worst till we break....this is not what i want...but in cna believe she did that to me... i have never offered something to a person ai really care only to said long time after "no i dont wan it!" ... i tried to explain all myself to her...for all the time i always said her "i dont use to ask for nothing in my life because i hate the people telling me no...and so many people told me no because little and stupid things"...i proved to her...not even when i needed something i asked for...so she was like "i will never do it to you"...but she did it... and it was worst because i received the NO without ask for nothing...she did it all by herself ... and i cant understand why...all i do i do trying to dont hurt her feelings and thinking about all..every consequence...every possible way...i never talk about a thing because i dont know what to say or because im boring...never...i use to think about all...and thats why she have never had the chance to tell me "you hurt me"...till now...that im feeling hurt but she talk to me as i was asking for it so bad...then i was only a witness...and that thing make it so much worst...

i dont really know if exist a solution for me...because i feel like she had a 'bomb' on her hands...she drop it on my hands and she gone like "no it yours and you gotta solve it by yourself"... im taking my break at work...and the only thing i do is think "why you did it to me?"... i hate that situation..and i dont know if i will finish hating her because she put me in this situation.

i dont know how to understand what the 3some mean to me... i really need to talk to her... we really need to talk...but i dont know if im ready now...i feel so mad and "maltreat"...and i know that all i would be abe to say or show will be rage and madness...and that will not be a real conversation...thats why i im trying to talk here online...i need to find the way to solve it...but im not the only one who have to try...i think she really need to talk about it...she was the reason...so she have to explain all the things she was thinking and feeling... because i just explained my self so long with her...but she didnt really opened all her mind and feelings...its like its my problems..only mine...but she created it...so she needs to think about the consequences and try to work on it with me...because i really think that i cant really do so much by myself...not more than im doing.

August 20, 2008

for all the time i always said her "i dont use to ask for nothing in my life because i hate the people telling me no...and so many people told me no because little and stupid things"...i proved to her...not even when i needed something i asked for...so she was like "i will never do it to you"...but she did it... and it was worst because i received the NO without ask for nothing...she did it all by herself.

That's something you need to work on. Hell, we don't get if we don't ask. And sometimes we need to be prepared to hear no.

You can't stomp your feet like a child if someone tells you no.

August 20, 2008

i really understand you what you say...but we don't have ask and offer if we don't really want...thats my problem...and yes im not prepared to hear a no...not even more without any my question or request... and that hurt so bad

August 20, 2008

i really understand you what you say...but we don't have ask and offer if we don't really want...thats my problem...and yes im not prepared to hear a no...not even more without any my question or request... and that hurt so bad

Ok, I understand that.

Did she definitely offer it? As in shall I arrange this for x time? Or was she just talking about it with you? Sounding you out if it was a fantasy and just enjoying talking about a sexually charged subject with you?

August 20, 2008

as i wrote she was introducing that subject by herself...i have never talked about it with her...i have never joked about it... nothing went out from my mouth...she told me thats she would love to have it with me and one her girlfriend...she asked me if i would like it...so i said yes because i have never tried... and i dint asked for more...i said only yes...so she went on...i was a listener... and now to feel that she stop everything its weird and hurtful...

and i dont know what to do..or give her a big kick and say bye bye or try to go on and see if i can feel better.

i dont wanna seem the person who was dreaming about it all the life and than when i asked for i received a NO and now im going crazy...no..i didnt do anything like that... i hate to think that she wanted it....and now she dont want it with me...

and she said me other things that hurt me more..she said "its stupid and you cant respect me if i do it with you"...but i dont understand why she offered...she told me all the time she loves me so bad...since the 1st moment we met...so if she offered it to me...she was trying to do something stupid with me...something that did not make her feel disrespect from me... so if its stupid and irrespective...why wanted to me ...if i was her love????? why ??? she was not drunk when she told me..she was not drugged ...i feel it like a real tree ...every time she tell me something..its like i find out a new branch...and this new branches are only bad new...because its like she tell me "i said you a little lie before"...and thats killing me.

August 20, 2008

but in cna believe she did that to me... i have never offered something to a person ai really care only to said long time after "no i dont wan it!"

Stop thinking that she did this on purpose to hurt you!!!

Haven't you EVER changed your mind about something?

August 20, 2008

yes i have changed my mind during my life...but in this way only if the person i offered something treated me so bad than i thought her or her dont deserve my sacrifice... i told her and i proved her...im a "man of honor" ..if i say something ...you can bet i will...and i dont use to talk about stupid things...im a serious person...but now i feel im going crazy...and i feel weird...uncomfortable ... its like this is not me...but i cant denied the situation...because i feel what im feeling..in this way stopping everything i feel like she dont really trusty in me...its like she thinnk i will go aways if i try...but i will never want to let her go...as i told her... you will lose me only if you try to lose me...and i hope this is not that bad way .

i was thinking about a good example...because maybe for womans its hard to understand me and even males in this kind of situation...ok thats what:

you are married and in love with your husband (he divorced years ago and had a little kid with her ex)...you always dreamed to make a baby...your husband start to ask you..would you like to make a baby? i would love tooo and he start to talk about it for so long time...so for some months she always play about it "our baby will be so beautiful and we will live it so bad!"...so often things like thats...so one day he ask you "would you really like to make our own baby?"...you said yes..i just told you everytime you asked it to me..and he say "no! i cant...im sorry because that a baby will not be a good things for our life...i remember that a little baby its a big responsibility to handle..sorry but i cant"...

so i do understand that the situations are not the same..the subject is not the same...but the feeling is the same...you would feel like "we are married...he asked me to have a baby...for long time..and now he says no!?!?"..."why he put it on my mind? why he went on for long time to finally say me NO!...??? Why??"...i really think that my feelings can really be close to thiat kind of situation...i hope every woman who read that would try to stop for a while and read it...feel it...and than just tell me... maybe they can feel closer to my thoughts in this way... i really hope

August 20, 2008

i feel like she dont really trusty in me...its like she thinnk i will go aways if i try...but i will never want to let her go...as i told her... you will lose me only if you try to lose me...and i hope this is not that bad way .

But you are well on your way to destroying your relationship and pushing her out of your life.

How can she trust that you will always be with her when it is so clear that you will be with her ONLY if she does everything exactly the way you think it should be.

August 20, 2008

i just finished to read it , thanks for interesting about my situation.

right now i feel its so hard to accept what is going on...because to me is so simple...if a 3some is a bad experience...why you have to offer it to the person you love? if you know it would ruin all the relationship?

i have never been in a bad situation like that..and i hope it finish so soon and fast ...and never happen again in whole life.

August 20, 2008

And I doubt she guessed it would ruin your relationship.

August 20, 2008

right now i feel its so hard to accept what is going on...because to me is so simple...if a 3some is a bad experience...why you have to offer it to the person you love? if you know it would ruin all the relationship?

She DID NOT KNOW when she first talked of the threesome that she would develop strong feelings of love for you that would make it impossible for her to watch you with another woman

Do you understand that she probably did not love you yet when she offered the threesome? But she loves you now, and that is why she changed her mind. Bringing a third person into a love relationship can very easily destroy the relationship, and she doesn't want to take that chance.

August 20, 2008

i dont know if i can forgive her..and the biggest problem is that she dont understand she made the mistake...she think and act to me like its was not bigger than a missed phone call... and i have not other words to explain myself...

i have 2 questions:

1)if she didnt think it can destroy the relationship...why say no?

2)if she knew it would be dangerous and will really ruin all...why offer it?

i dont really find any good answer for those questions...

August 20, 2008

i have 2 questions:
1)if she didnt think it can destroy the relationship...why say no?
2)if she knew it would be dangerous and will really ruin all...why offer it?

i dont really find any good answer for those questions...

Read my post just above yours.

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she offered me a thressome ...but now she dont want it

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