HopeDiesLast Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I am so angry right now. My stupid ex ended it in June. There are so many things i wish i could have said that day, but i was so distraught all i could do was cry and cry. After 2 and half months of wondering, hoping, praying this was a mistake- i've realized there were so many things he wasnt doing for me. I havent bothered my ex in any of this time. We silently exchanged belongings, i haven't ask questions, i havent even talked to him. I have been a total mess for this entire time. i finally got the courage to ask to speak to him- i wanted to say what i need to say to him and just be done with this. All of the NC talk is def. true, but sometimes i think you have to do whats going to make YOU feel better. and for my own sake i wanted to get everything off my chest- things i couldnt get out when it ended. things i was unhappy about. And i frankly dont care what he thinks about anything i had to say to him. And he wont call me! i've tried to get him to let me stop by, let me call him at a good time, have him call me- NOTHING. The coward refuses to hear me out. And it makes me totally nuts. Granted, he has no idea what im going to say and either way doesnt want to hear it. But for god sakes after 2 1/2 yrs can't u let me say what i have to and be done with this crappy relationship???? i dont really care how its going to make HIM feel, i care that its going to make ME feel better. I honestly dont know who he is anymore. i told him if he cant give me this, then i dont know who i dated for 2 yrs. I'm so mad. At this point, im done trying. Someone who cant even pick up the phone for me, isnt worth the energy i would have wasted explaining how i feel. Isn't it crazy how things like this can make you see a side of your ex you never knew was there? I'm beginning to think that maybe all this really did happened for a reason. Doesnt make it any easier, but makes me really question HIM. And i was purposely avoiding questioning him because i didnt want to admit his flaws were fatal to him and i working out. but you can only avoid the glaring truth for so long i guess
beautifullove Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 my situation is different from yours, I am going through the same emotions - who was he really? He was able to turn his back and go away, without giving it a second thought. He never really gave me the whole story, and tried to evade answering my questions on the occasions we spoke after the break. I have a lot to get off my chest too, but I don't think I will ever get that chance to. I know I will finally come to terms with it to the point where I won't think about him or the R anymore, but as for now, I'm not there yet. I have maintained NC, and maybe it's a good thing, because God knows if I speak to him now ... then again, I wouldn't know where to start. When he left, I gave him enough money to return, little did I know I was never going to see him again. Before, my main motive for contact was to get closure, but now I would love for him to contact me just so I can tell him where to go. Nobody pushes baby in the corner! lol.
stillafool Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 OP, I think if you have things you want to say to your ex you should write him a letter and get it all out. He obviously doesn't want to go through the "talk" thing because most guys know they can't out talk a woman and he doesn't want to answer questions he probably doesn't know the real answer to. So I think a letter to him will give you closure. You can't look to him to give it to you. Some of us never find out the reasons why. I know it sucks.
beautifullove Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 you are right. I did write a letter - to myself! My sistuation is a little different, as you may or may not have read. I really have myself to blame, for being so naiive, ignoring my better judgement, but nonetheless, I had a pure heart going into the R with him. I voiced my concerns and opinions, and we discussed our feelings, thoughts, and insecurities at length. He even said to me on numerous occasions 'I'm not going anywhere," or "You'll never be able to get rid of me," (in loving moments)yeah right! The only way I'll get closure is if, and when he ever contacts me, and that's not even guaranteed. I also think at this moment NC is best, since I need to get my emotions under control. Thanks again.
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