D-Lish Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I am so angry right now. I have a close male friend "A" that I met a couple years ago- and it started off with him wanting to date me and me not being interested in that. I was upfront and very clear from day one that we could be nothing more than friends. He pursued relentlessly initially- but we eventually settled into what I thought was a good friendship. He found a gf a year and a half ago- and they have moved in with one another and seem to be heading toward an engagement. She is awesome and my friendship with A settled in and we have never revisited our dating issue since he met his gf. He knew when we met that I liked his co-worker (I have for years)... But I have always been too shy to talk much to his co-worker. He told me from day one that his co-worker T had never been interested in me and had actually referred to me as being weird. I was sort of shocked by that because the co-worker always smiles at me and gives me flirty looks when we run into one another. Today- I ran into a mutual friend that knows me, A, and is best friends with the co-worker "T". I asked him a bit about T and the guy shocked me by saying "why do you dislike T?" Anyway, it all came out through this mutual friend that T had expressed interest in me and my male friend had told T that I thought he was a loser and wasn't interested, so not to bother pursuing me. I have been blocked all this time!!! "A" has been in a happy relationship for a year and a half, and he has been denying me a chance to date his co-worker all this time out of his own selfishness. I understand why he might have initially not liked that I had a crush on his friend- but he came into our friendship knowing that. But the mutual friend told me today that A has been talking this kind of trash as recently as a month ago. Why continue the charade? I set things straight with the mutual friend and he was pretty angry as well on his other friends behalf. To go so far as to tell this guy I like that I think he is a loser...and to tell me the guy thinks I am weird.... well I am at a loss as to how to react to this. I know the post is somewhat convoluted... The mutual friend told me that T was upset by the loser comment (rightfully so)...as much as I have always felt hurt by being called weird and "not someone he would want to date". I never really understood that because T's actions had always indicated otherwise. I have to confront my friend- I just don't know if I can trust him or even remain friends with him after this.
Ocean-Blue Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 D-Lish, I would be fuming! What a selfish thing to do. I hope you set A straight.
JoeNewbie Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 This goes to show you that you should never rely on other people's opinions when it comes to dating. Keep your interests to yourself and take matters in your own hands. As for your close friend, "close", "male" and "someone you met two years ago" don't add up unless he is gay and you are both desperate for a friend.
Sinister Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I have to confront my friend- I just don't know if I can trust him or even remain friends with him after this. Forget confronting your friend. Get T's number, call him and tell him what you told us and start something up with T. once thats rolling you both can confront A....and watch him squirm like the little bitch that he obviously is.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 D, are you sure you and him are friends? He sounds very selfish to stoop as low as that.
Author D-Lish Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 This goes to show you that you should never rely on other people's opinions when it comes to dating. Keep your interests to yourself and take matters in your own hands. As for your close friend, "close", "male" and "someone you met two years ago" don't add up unless he is gay and you are both desperate for a friend. My close male friend isn't gay- he has a gf. lol. I met him two years ago and he wanted to date initially- I just said no way.
Author D-Lish Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 Forget confronting your friend. Get T's number, call him and tell him what you told us and start something up with T. once thats rolling you both can confront A....and watch him squirm like the little bitch that he obviously is. Actually, the mutual friend I saw today asked me for my number to give to T. He was pretty mad. I actually saw him at the beach and he was a bit cold when I first called out to him...and when I asked about T, he was defensive with the "why do ask about my friend when you dislike him" kind of response. He told me he had thought I was a stuck up B***h after hearing that "A" had told his friend I thought he was a loser. Keep in mind, we are all in our 30's.... One should surmize you leave this kind of drama back in highschool. He did mention that T had just started to see someone that he is unsure of, but that this new twist might change things. I wouldn't call T since he has started to see someone... I'll leave that to T to sort though. Hopefully he'll call when he is ready. I don't want to interfere if T is dating someone. It's not my style.
almost famous Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I agree, this whole thing sounds like high school. You're an adult, like the other person said, don't tell other coworker's friends who are also your friend that you have a "crush" on them. I think you should forget the whole thing and start dating someone in an adult manner which doesn't involve so and so telling so and so you have a crush on someone and so forth. Everyone in this scenario, your friend, the guy, and yourself all sound very immature.
Lyssa Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Gee whizz - A is 30 and acting this way? How mature . I'm not sure if I could stay friends with someone like A. It'd be too hard cause at the back of my mind, I'd think about what he did and if he'd do it again in the future. I don't get it - he already has a bloody GF so what gives?!
carhill Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I don't get it - he already has a bloody GF so what gives?! He's still got a thing for D-Lish
Lyssa Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 He's still got a thing for D-Lish That goes without saying! I'm sure he's a sore loser.
daphne Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 And they say women are manipulative. Yep, your "friend" still likes you and would probably drop his girlfriend for you. I think you can give up on having a true friendship with him, since he clearly isn't friends with you for the right reasons, nor does he have your best interests at heart. I once had a "best friend" that I hung out with regularly after his breakup with a mutual friend. It was really stupid on my part, but I felt like she trusted me to know I wasn't fishing in her old pool. We were all in our early 20's by the way, if that givesyou an inkling of how immature the current situation is with A. I was interested in his roommate, and had been since the beginning of time. Roommate had a crush on me too, but was too shy. Best friend asked me out of the blue to consider a real relationship. He wanted to get back at ex and thought I'd be perfect for that. I told best friend that we were just friends, and that I was interested in his roommate. He stole my checkbook that night. Later found out he had been feeding lies to roommate. There are just shady characters out there that need to grow up. I hope you lose this guy because he would be deceitful in other ways, not just this one.
monkey00 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 He may or may not still have a thing for you. But when it comes to women, some guys can be very territorial, I guess I could equally say the same about some women also. It could be possible that he views him as a threat because he has something that he lacks, which you're attracted to.
Lyssa Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 He may or may not still have a thing for you. But when it comes to women, some guys can be very territorial, I guess I could equally say the same about some women also. Some people are territorial but I wouldn't go as far as to bad mouth my friends to guys I think might be interested in them or vice versa. That's really immature. It could be possible that he views him as a threat because he has something that he lacks, which you're attracted to. Yup, that could be true.
Author D-Lish Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 I agree, this whole thing sounds like high school. You're an adult, like the other person said, don't tell other coworker's friends who are also your friend that you have a "crush" on them. I think you should forget the whole thing and start dating someone in an adult manner which doesn't involve so and so telling so and so you have a crush on someone and so forth. Everyone in this scenario, your friend, the guy, and yourself all sound very immature. Hey, you sound like a great person- always giving kind and meaningful advice and opinions. I always look forward to your insightful and upbeat opinion. Please keep up the good work.
Author D-Lish Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 I talked to my friend this morning, he denied everything... Personally, I just don't want to deal with arguing about it. I just plan to cool things off with him and the friendship. It may be territorial thing, or a residual crush. I'm pretty pissed though.
carhill Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I just plan to cool things off with him and the friendship. Good move. Focus on all the upbeat things on your plate
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 You have every right to be pissed. This is not the type of person you need in your life. How underhanded. I'm sorry, D.
SnapCracklePop Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 D... you gave your tel # to a stranger in a store - why can't you give your # to someone you know indirectly? You've definitely got all the confidence you need to take this matter into your own hands.
Pyro Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Is it this guy that you are talking about? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t139217/
Siphon9a Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I'll throw another opinion into the fire. Maybe and speaking totally far out there cause most guys may not be this way. Maybe he knows something about this guy, past relationships, unknown criminal record, abusive, violent..etc, that he doesn't want you to be a part of. I have guy friends that are total dogs and if a girl I was friends with, meaning a decent girl, I wouldn't want them to date as you would see how it would end up. The same would apply if I had a morally strong guy friend that was interested in a girl that was not so morally strong. It's a tough situation when you have two close friends that wanna date. This is probably not the case but it could be a thought process he is having.
Green Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Who knows what your friend really said. If this guy T liked you anything A might have said shouldnt have stopped him from figuring things out for himself. Second off girls can get c-blocked... T technicaly got c blocked.
almost famous Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I disagree, her friend blocked T's c from her.
btc8 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I am so angry right now. I have a close male friend "A" that I met a couple years ago- and it started off with him wanting to date me and me not being interested in that. I was upfront and very clear from day one that we could be nothing more than friends. He pursued relentlessly initially- but we eventually settled into what I thought was a good friendship. He found a gf a year and a half ago- and they have moved in with one another and seem to be heading toward an engagement. She is awesome and my friendship with A settled in and we have never revisited our dating issue since he met his gf. He knew when we met that I liked his co-worker (I have for years)... But I have always been too shy to talk much to his co-worker. He told me from day one that his co-worker T had never been interested in me and had actually referred to me as being weird. I was sort of shocked by that because the co-worker always smiles at me and gives me flirty looks when we run into one another. Today- I ran into a mutual friend that knows me, A, and is best friends with the co-worker "T". I asked him a bit about T and the guy shocked me by saying "why do you dislike T?" Anyway, it all came out through this mutual friend that T had expressed interest in me and my male friend had told T that I thought he was a loser and wasn't interested, so not to bother pursuing me. I have been blocked all this time!!! "A" has been in a happy relationship for a year and a half, and he has been denying me a chance to date his co-worker all this time out of his own selfishness. I understand why he might have initially not liked that I had a crush on his friend- but he came into our friendship knowing that. But the mutual friend told me today that A has been talking this kind of trash as recently as a month ago. Why continue the charade? I set things straight with the mutual friend and he was pretty angry as well on his other friends behalf. To go so far as to tell this guy I like that I think he is a loser...and to tell me the guy thinks I am weird.... well I am at a loss as to how to react to this. I know the post is somewhat convoluted... The mutual friend told me that T was upset by the loser comment (rightfully so)...as much as I have always felt hurt by being called weird and "not someone he would want to date". I never really understood that because T's actions had always indicated otherwise. I have to confront my friend- I just don't know if I can trust him or even remain friends with him after this. When someone tells us we can't, or won't be able to, have something, we naturally do everything we can to try to get it. Are you sure you really like this coworker, T or whatever his name is, or do you just want to like him because A said you disliked him? I'm not usually that philosophical, but in this instance, it sounds like we need to know if you really have/had a thing for T, and not that you have/had a thing for T because A told you can't. Have you tried to contact him without using A as a medium? It seems that if you really liked T, you'd make more of an effort to contact him without A's help or advice as you both share mutual friends? Sorry if I got mixed up or mixed you up in the process, but the post was a bit confusing to read with so many single-letter references!
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