GetOuttaMyHead Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Strange that I'm here. Don't know if I'm posting this in the right place or not, but here it goes. I've been married for about five years now. We have a beautiful 1 y/o daughter that I'm crazy over. We've had some rocky times over the past few years. Physically, we've been pretty distant. We still hold hands, kiss and hug...but the sex has been pretty much non-existent (she's usually too tired). Also, I gained a lot of weight after the wedding and only just recently started losing it. Not a lot of background, I know, but I'm being purposely vague here (never know who's reading). I guess that brings me to why I'm here, I suspect my wife may have cheated in the past. We lived in another city a few years ago. She had a lot of time on her hands (wasn't working) while I was off to work usually from 7-7, and out of town quite a bit @ client sites. I came home early one day and, while walking up the stairs, noticed a guy coming off our balcony and heading down the stairs (apartment had a strange setup where there was a balcony from the main building that leads to the front door). I remember distinctly that the guy gave me kind of a smirk as he passed me on the stairs. I was in a hurry, so I didn't think too much about it...well, that's not true...it bothered me a little, but I went inside and didn't see any clear indication someone had been there (wife was cleaning up the house), so I filed it away for later. Here's the thing, I never really thought too much about it afterwards. We have since moved, had a baby, and started a life in a new city. For the most part we've been pretty happy, but I just can't get the stupid feeling out of my head that something is just not right. I need to know whether I should confront her or not and, if so, how to go about it. I don't have a lot to go on (just the above story, and the fact that we haven't been very intimate for the past few years, and some other ambiguous indications that could have its roots in depression rather than infidelity...), and everything I've read so far says to confront someone when you have "concrete" proof. This is pretty tough. Any advice out there?
TrustInYourself Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Focus on the issues at hand. Get to a place where you can communicate effectively without causing more problems to your already troubled relationship. Sometimes, when we are unhappy, we tend to reflect on things in the past and rationalize our feelings based on our current emotional mindset. Knock out the issues that are troubling you in the present. I would consult a counselor or someone that I trust about my feelings over the past. That is unless you have concrete evidence.
imagine Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Two things need be done: Fulfill her emotional needs. Eg. Be an attractive husband (lose more weight), be attentive when she speaks, etc. NB* Check out Marriage builders website articles including His Needs/Her Needs. Scope her activities. Eg. Key logger, enlist a friend to spy, hidden voice recorder in home and car,etc.
TrustInYourself Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Why even bother concerning yourself with her activities. Live life for yourself. When you start stressing her, you are going to ignore the actual things you have control over. That would be your actions and your future. Take control. Take it easy!
Owl Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 If she's gotten away with it for this long, you can rest assured that even if you confronted her about it, she'd lie if something had happened. So, knowing you'll never truly know...focus on where things are at NOW in your relationship.
mark982 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 i'd just jump right in and ask her,why beat around the bush. also get dna on the baby,quickly.
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