kars111 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Just curious! How many of dumpers of you, do actually, check on dumpee's websites? sean
0hpenelope Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Oh dear god, I hope not. That's something I really don't want to know about. And I hope Lawrence isn't. CaliGuy just went on a full rant about his ex-gf checking his website. He found out that it's because he went NC on her - cold turkey. No point in checking, dumpers! Let your dumpees go. There's enough stuff in the world to be confused about and rewinds shouldn't be one of them! Grrr! From my dumper perspective: I don't check up on them. It's unnecessary: I've done damage, I'm not their mother and I know they're going to be okay. My ex-boyfriends that I've dumped are "lucky" with me. I guess that "lucky" depends on whose perspective it is, huh? Anyway, my breaks are clean; none of that confusing stuff.
Melrapuo Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Mine admitted that she does. She's pretty much isolated herself to her own apartment at this point, and she's usually on the computer a lot. If you don't want them to see your myspace, delete them off your friends and put your settings so that only friends can see your myspace. And just unfriend them on facebook. That's what I did.
CaliGuy Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Yes both mine did. Mostly my web site. If you're wondering what they want I think I cam summarize it for you. They don't want contact with you, they care enough to be curious how you are doing but not enough to want to get back with you. As I've said before, if they really wanted you, they'd be beating down your door trying to contact you (ask Foxh1234, he'll testify to that, haha). It's nothing more than idle curiosity for someone who was in their past but is no longer in their present.
Melrapuo Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Yes both mine did. Mostly my web site. If you're wondering what they want I think I cam summarize it for you. They don't want contact with you, they care enough to be curious how you are doing but not enough to want to get back with you. My situation is close to this, except that my ex does try to contact me every now and then. The only prob. is, what she says is not what I want to hear. So NC comes in handy at this point.
sedgwick Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I always look at exes' websites WITH THE EXCEPTION of his. I have not looked at one picture of him, his website, his myspace, etc. It would hurt way too much. But everyone else's, whether I dumped them or they dumped me, yeah, I looked.
Lookingforward Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I simply don't HAVE a web presence for him to look at anyway - no facebook, myspace, twitter blah blah Besides if he wants to know how I am , he knows how to contact me.... so I'm guessing the answer would be no I forgot - he COULD check my avatar's profile in the online game we used to play together, but as far as I know he has never returned since we split......... his profile remains the same as it was - a declaration of how he's found "the love of his life" - blllaaahhhhhh
CaliGuy Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 My situation is close to this, except that my ex does try to contact me every now and then. The only prob. is, what she says is not what I want to hear. So NC comes in handy at this point. Yep. If they aren't saying what you want to hear then chances are the only reason the ex is even making contact is to mimize the guilt they are feeling over the breakup. Don't mistake that for regret. Regret and guilt are two completely different feelings. Guilt says "I feel bad that I dumped you, but I feel even better that I've found someone new. Contact with you is to help relieve the guilt..." Regret says "I'm not sure I made the right decision, I miss you and I am thinking I made a mistake". When an ex feels regret, they're saying the things you want to hear. They show up at your door. Like I said, come hell or high water, they'll find you. When an ex feels guilt, they contact you for the selfish reason of relieving their own guilt, not because they really miss you or want you back. In the case of guilt, NC is the best option by far. For you and for them.
Author kars111 Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 Yep. If they aren't saying what you want to hear then chances are the only reason the ex is even making contact is to mimize the guilt they are feeling over the breakup. Don't mistake that for regret. Regret and guilt are two completely different feelings. Guilt says "I feel bad that I dumped you, but I feel even better that I've found someone new. Contact with you is to help relieve the guilt..." Regret says "I'm not sure I made the right decision, I miss you and I am thinking I made a mistake". When an ex feels regret, they're saying the things you want to hear. They show up at your door. Like I said, come hell or high water, they'll find you. When an ex feels guilt, they contact you for the selfish reason of relieving their own guilt, not because they really miss you or want you back. In the case of guilt, NC is the best option by far. For you and for them. Caliguy, I agree 100%. I am in total NC with my ex. She has the guilt and confusion. She wanted to make sure the new guy was solid before I moved away and she wanted to keep me as a backup. But, I locked her out and she tried to contact to me few times (twice a month) for casual talk..Even sometimes, very mean, she said that she missed seeing me etc...Now, I blocked her MSN and never respond to her emails... Now, I check her facebook last week after few months:(, and she posted a picture wearing a dress I gave her on the her birthday. I also realized when I started exchanging msgs with my new girl, she changed her relationship status finally to "in relationship"...she has been playing nice girl game while she is really bad person! I recommend total NC to everyone!.. sean
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