sedgwick Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 A friend just posted an old-time video in my myspace comments, because it was funny. I made myself watch it, and I actually laughed. And there was a bass player, and my heart didn't jump into my throat. I just watched it and laughed, without any of those physical reactions that completely tore me apart a year ago. I still love him, but the fact that I can see or hear something that reminds me of him and not fall apart is hugely encouraging. Even if I still think about him all the time, at least I have concrete evidence that I've somewhat gotten over him physically. 13 months out from the most painful breakup of my life, and I'm still not at all ready to date anyone else, but I'm at least I know I'm getting a little bit closer. Someday I may be able to love again. I'm on my way to do yoga. I did gymnastics again last night. Yay fun! Getting a lot of physical exercise is really helping. It's amazing what a difference it can make. Gymnastics is kind of a superhuman sport (speaking of which, GET IT NASTIA!!), so I know that if I can make myself do a back handspring, I'll really have accomplished something I can be proud of.
gennamoon Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Congratulations on the progress you've made... My break up was just three weeks ago and it's been extremely hard. I understand what you said about hearing or seeing things that remind you of him. Last Saturday, my sister and I went to the mall and on the drive home, she took a route that was the same route that I used to drive to my exes house...she didn't realize it and unfortunately, I was crying the whole time so I couldn't really tell her. It was the first time I had been that way in three weeks and it sucked. I know that sounds crazy, but it's those sorts of the things that remind me of what I don't have. I hope that at some point I can get to where you are...it's inspiring.
Author sedgwick Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 God, you should have seen me three weeks out. My friend came and dragged me out of my apartment -- like sat on the bed while I took a shower and got dressed -- and took me out to dinner, because she said she couldn't deal with knowing I was living on a handful of popcorn a day, or a Diet Coke. I thought I would never want food again. I remember that night we went to an Italian restaurant (my favorite) and Maria (my friend) ordered a big piece of chocolate cake for dessert. I sat there and stared at it, and finally took a bite, and was amazed that I could actually enjoy the taste of anything. It just felt like my whole universe had come to an end. For the first six months I cried pretty much constantly. I have never cried that much in my life, over anything. I beat myself up mercilessly and told myself it was all my fault, when in fact I was a pretty excellent gf. Thank god I still had bellydance through all of this or I really don't think I'd ever have left the house. Do you have anything you love enough that it will drag you out and force you to be around people? I totally know what you mean about crying when you drive down the street you used to take. My favorite coffeeshop is right next door to a bar where we used to go. Right around the corner is the restaurant where I met him. Then there's the restaurant where he dumped me, where I can never go again. Those were two of my favorite restaurants. I still haven't been back to either of them, but hopefully someday I'll be able to. We hung out in my neighborhood most of the time because he lived in a scary guy apartment with no furniture and laundry everywhere. I really thought about moving after we broke up, but I love my neighborhood and I love my apartment and I just have to make new memories here.
gennamoon Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Sedgwick...I'm actually thinking about taking a ballroom dancing class or getting back into yoga/pilates...not to mention, I'm trying to get my house ready to sell so I should get cracking on that... I understand loving your neighborhood. I'm not 100% wild about where I live, but it's comfortable. I know all the great places to go, know a lot of people that work in various places and it's nice to feel that you can walk in somewhere and at least know one person. The one BIG problem is that my ex and I have the same social circle. I've known the girls in the group from years ago and he's known the guys and the girls for many, many years. Ironically enough we didn't meet until January of this year because we were both married before so we never hung out with the group at the same time. I do have a variety of other friends that do not hang out in that social circle, but most of my free Friday nights have always been spent with the people that we both know...so, I'm not even sure what to do sometimes with myself...like I said these are people I have reguarly hung out with for the last eight years so to just stop would be weird...they've all been great about everything, but it's just odd...
0hpenelope Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 This is such a big turnabout from the last I heard from you, sedgwick. Including the thread you made about your therapy session. I'm very pleased!
Author sedgwick Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 Thanks...I still love him with all my heart, dream about him every night, etc. I can't imagine that I will ever love anyone else. But at least I'm able to hear bass playing and not sob now, and that's an improvement. Hopefully in another year's time I'll be even better. And gennamoon, DEFINITELY get yourself to dance class! I've started taking gymnastics and love it. I started bellydancing after my last breakup and it's seriously the most awesome thing that ever happened to me.
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