Ruby Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, 3 weeks ago. He rang me yesterday and we agreed that we are not compatable and I made it very clear I was sticking to my decision to break up He rang me last night after we spoke earlier and I ignored it and then he rang this morning and I spoke to him He is a very nice man but just not for me due to his childishness and unreliability. I find it very hard to ignore him What should I do?
Arise_Serpentor Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 You have to make it clear he has NO, and i mean NO negotiating power! He has to know NO means NO! Never pause, never contemplate, and NEVER let him hear anything but an immediate and calm and controlled "I'm sorry. It's over this time." or something to that effect! He has to have his brain convinced he is talking to a broken record of "It's over." Don't even entertain explanations or acts of 'friendship'! He HAS to know ITS OVER!
CaliGuy Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, 3 weeks ago. He rang me yesterday and we agreed that we are not compatable and I made it very clear I was sticking to my decision to break up He rang me last night after we spoke earlier and I ignored it and then he rang this morning and I spoke to him He is a very nice man but just not for me due to his childishness and unreliability. I find it very hard to ignore him What should I do? You just have ignore every attempt. He'll get the message sooner or later.
Ronni_W Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 What should I do? Give yourself permission to express your desire for no more contact, AND permission to be firm with him. Being polite yet firm & clear with him will make you an assertive person, not a "bad, mean or rude" person.
Author Ruby Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 I am finding it very hard to tell him to leave me alone for good. I know we do not work as a couple as there is much about him that will not make me happy and yet I am scared to have him out of my life completely He has called and told me that he was not aware that I felt like I did but I did tell him about how I felt quite a few times. Why am I so scared to let go comepletely?
Ronni_W Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Why am I so scared to let go comepletely? Don't know -- fear of being alone? fear of "missing out" on any good stuff that he may demonstrate, now or in the future? lack of self-confidence that you will find your "right" partner? lack of self-worth and feeling that you may not deserve to have an ideal, happy and supportive relationship? Many different reasons that could be at the root. Take some time to consider these types of questions - be honest with and about yourself - journal about it - be open to allowing old patterns and new insights to be revealed to you, from the pages In the meantime, it doesn't seem to be all the productive for you, to get upset that he's still contacting you. As per your most recent post, you've realized that there is a part of you that is still needing it. Which is fine, don't beat yourself up about that. Once you do a bit more self-reflection, you will gain more clarity and then make wise decisions that are in your own best interest and support your own needs and desires.
nowhereman82 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 If you care for him and know for a fact you can't be with him then don't answer his calls. In the end it's whats best for him. Behind every action and word towards him he will try to find meaning in a way that will apply positively for him even if you say otherwise.
tobe1424 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 first of all how long did you guys date for? second of all I mean other than his childless and other "bad" things, what good things does he have? Do u ever think of him? It can be anything from been yourself around him to good times...they key is commnunication... u are been irrational by not wanting to lose him but not wanting him...why don't you guys just talk. If you think he is a good guy and all. I mean there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There is always going to be breakups and arguments blah blah... Obviously he happens to think of u too... If u happen to care just a bit and u think he can change, let him know. Honestly thats why people get married and then hate each other because they just put up with each others sh*t but never talk about it. Talk about what makes you happy. If you know what you want then you can talk about things and achieve what ever it is you seek... good luck...
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