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Why does the ex ask other people how your doing but they never call you?

Hopelessly_Devoted

By Hopelessly_Devoted
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Hopelessly_Devoted Established Member

Hopelessly_Devoted

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Why does the ex ask other people how your doing but they never call you?

 

 

My ex has been asking my sister how I am, etc? He can't even look at her when he asks about me. He told her once that If I were ever to get back with her she would throw this girl in his face.

 

My sister says good,etc. Then asks him how is new girl is. I don't want to be with him but how the hell does he have a nerve to ask her, when he never even called me once since may 2008 other then to pick up things he still had at my apartment?!!:confused:

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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He doesn't want to talk to you but expected your sister to tell him that you're sitting at home wallowing over the fact that he dumped you. It's an ego trip for him to find out that you're still hung over him.

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Hopelessly_Devoted Established Member

Hopelessly_Devoted

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I am so over him, there has been too much damage done, we can't ever go back only forward and I do not even think there is a chance for us down the line because I lost alot of feelings for him.

 

Since we broke up after the initial break up emotions, I am happier, realizing that I was not happy with him. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being single. I am only 25 years old. I have my whole life ahead of me! I know that I will find the one- one day.

 

Most importantly because of this breakup I have become a better person. I have reconnected with old friends and family and have made new friends, I have joined the gym and lost weight. I look good and although I lost the comfort of being with someone who I was with for 11 years since I was 14 and lived with him 8 of those years. I have my own apartment, small business and goto college. I do not regret being with him at all and somehow thank him for breaking up with me and setting me free.

 

 

He moved on, I moved on....

 

STILL, why does he ask?

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

Posted
Posted
I am so over him, there has been too much damage done, we can't ever go back only forward and I do not even think there is a chance for us down the line because I lost alot of feelings for him.

 

Since we broke up after the initial break up emotions, I am happier, realizing that I was not happy with him. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being single. I am only 25 years old. I have my whole life ahead of me! I know that I will find the one- one day.

 

Most importantly because of this breakup I have become a better person. I have reconnected with old friends and family and have made new friends, I have joined the gym and lost weight. I look good and although I lost the comfort of being with someone who I was with for 11 years since I was 14 and lived with him 8 of those years. I have my own apartment, small business and goto college. I do not regret being with him at all and somehow thank him for breaking up with me and setting me free.

 

 

He moved on, I moved on....

 

STILL, why does he ask?

 

Ask yourself this question: what you care?

 

If he asks your sister again, I'm sure she'll reply you've never been happier, and everything's been going well for you. Whatever his reaction is, I'm sure he's breaking inside. But you shouldnt care, because you're 25, and happy. Why does it matter if your ex asks about you? He's like the wind that passes you by, and you're just too busy to notice. Good riddance.

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Hopelessly_Devoted Established Member

Hopelessly_Devoted

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True but 11 years is along time not to wonder why...He is with someone else- over me or not? I am over him because there is no going back...

CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

Posted
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STILL, why does he ask?

 

8 years is a lot of history together. He may not want to be with you, but he still cares that you're doing ok.

 

The ex that brought me here would ask other people, stalk me on my web site, etc. She would never contact me to see how I am doing (good thing for that). I know she still cares, but it doesn't mean they want to be with you.

 

Unless they are calling, emailing, etc trying to reach you, indirect contact means nothing. Trust me, that is one thing I am learning the hard way :)

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Hopelessly_Devoted Established Member

Hopelessly_Devoted

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Caliguy, you are 100% right! That is why it is important for us to remain with our dignity and do NC until we feel comfortable, but I am just worried that the feelings that faded for him will come back if I ever see him at the gym or on the street.

 

This is a part of life but its harder than when someone passes away because you still have to possibly see this person or just knowing they exist and dropped you so easily. But then you also have to put yourself in their shoes and realize that something out their made them happier or might make them happier.

 

My ex is the type that holds grudges and when I said to him( I was DRUNK) a few weeks before he left that I felt that he loved me and was not in love with me, was the thing that pushed him to the edge to move into this apartment that we were supposed to move to together, I expected him to say I love you and I am still in love with you but I knew in my heart that at the present time we could not go on, we lost the fire, and I realized in the past couple of weeks that I was too comfotable with him and I desired to be alone and single. I was with him since I was 14 yrs old (11 yrs- now 25) I STILL LOVE HIM but I don't think I am in love with him.

 

Maybe we made "LOVE" 25% of the time during our 11 years but we f'd the rest. So it feels good to realize that, and to know that I will love again.

 

People break up and make up all the time but the rest move on to better things, and sure the intiial shock gets to us because those who have emotions will be affected.

 

But if someone has actually moved on and is w/someone new- why ask?

 

I don't ask about him! It's not that I don't care but I know if he did he would call he is the dumper, I have called him for the first 2 1/2 months of our breakup...

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

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But if someone has actually moved on and is w/someone new- why ask?

 

Just speculating, but ... the relationship may be over, but caring for someone doesn't just turn off like a switch. There is likely still residual affection for you somewhere down in there and he wants to know you are doing ok. He doesn't ask directly, because he doesn't have to. He just wants to know you are doing ok, and can find that out from someone else without having to go through the sticky, awkward process of 'talking to the ex'.

 

I did the same with various exes. I wanted to make sure they were doing ok. Absolving some leftover guilt, I guess. I have to admit that a lot of times, 'seeing how the ex is doing' is nearly entirely self serving.

Ingenue Established Member

Ingenue

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As others have said, while your relationship is over, concern for your ex-partner doesn't instantly disappear, especially after so many years together. Maybe he genuinely wants to find out how you're faring. Perhaps as LucreziaBorgia suggests, it's to absolve his own sense of guilt or even out of idle curiosity. But I'm not surprised that he wants to see how you're doing as he was such a seminal part of your life for such a long time. Ex-partners can move on to other relationships and move on in their lives, but still care about (in strictly platonic terms) the ex.

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted
Why does the ex ask other people how your doing but they never call you?

 

 

My ex has been asking my sister how I am, etc? He can't even look at her when he asks about me. He told her once that If I were ever to get back with her she would throw this girl in his face.

 

My sister says good,etc. Then asks him how is new girl is. I don't want to be with him but how the hell does he have a nerve to ask her, when he never even called me once since may 2008 other then to pick up things he still had at my apartment?!!:confused:

 

Has he been 'out of his way' to ask your sister.. or did he just 'bumped' into her and out of embarassment or 'surprise' he asked her how you were.

 

Don't read anything in that.. IF he was interested he would call you back.

 

I say it was just out of 'embarassment' he didn't know what to say..so he asked her how you were..

 

Nothing wrong with that really.. he might be just curious...

CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

Posted
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I have to admit that a lot of times, 'seeing how the ex is doing' is nearly entirely self serving.

 

LB, I agree with you 100%. I think part of it is they have a sliver of "still care about you" in them mixed up with a whole lot of "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either..." syndrome.

 

:laugh:

0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

Posted
Posted
LB, I agree with you 100%. I think part of it is they have a sliver of "still care about you" in them mixed up with a whole lot of "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either..." syndrome.

 

:laugh:

 

Yeah. Unbelievable, isn't it.

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Hopelessly_Devoted Established Member

Hopelessly_Devoted

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He did call me today after 9 days of NC but I did not answer. He left a voicemail I checked it he had some business questions so I called him back but he was fishing for information and at the end of the convo he asked me if I still had the tattoo of his name on my arm and I did not answer so he asked again and I told him no i got it covered then he was like I have to go, he got so angry- but I am like damn this a-hole has a new girl why does it matter?

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

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Having a new girl doesn't cancel out the sense of entitlement he apparently has when it comes to you.

 

Time to take that NC to the next step: as in none of any sort. If he has a question, try to find an intermediary and handle it that way.

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