Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 was out last night and was with my best mate's gf her girl mates and a guy called louis. it was exam results night so lots of people would be out. i was supposed to work until close (12 30 pm) but it was very quiet so i left at 9 30pm anyway, i got a txt from my mates gf (becki), and she asked if i was coming out. i called her and said yeh i will and where would you like to meet? met them outside the chippy and we went to a pub to get a drink. i get a txt from another mate called lewis who i go to the gym with all the time asking if i was coming to the other club. i said yeh will do man. see you in a bit. about an hour later we went over there etc i spoke to a really nice girl in the que and later asked for her number but she had a bf. anyway i was having a good laugh with everyone and later on lewis (who i thought was a mate) told my best mate (rob who is going out with becki) that i was all over her. i got a txt from rob saying lewis said your all over my gf, so stay the **** away from her. so his gf called him and asked what was going on etc cause its obviously bull **** and lewis was stirring stuff. and anyway she handed the phone over i said " you alright mate, whats going on?" he said you know whats going on, you have been all over my girl i said "well i havnt mate, i dont know why you would think that, she is a mate, your my best mate, ive known you for ages why would i do anything" he said lewis said i was holding her hand etc (when i wasnt) and i said mate ive been looking out for her not trying to get with her. and if anything lewis was grabbing her hands. he said yeh well thats cause he was dragging her off you. and lewis and tim have said they have noticed something going on between you and her. i was like what? he said you always follow her around in the day. i said what, what do you mean? mate i am just her friend, i thought we were kool. he then went onto say how i never said goodbye when i ****ed off to scotland with my ex and when it all went wrong i just expect him to be my friend and everything is fine and i introduced you to all my mates. i said yeh i appreciate that, but i am just her mate i would never do anything he then said, yeh well you better keep it that way. i said ok mate whatever we are just friends thats all and he said ive got to go, i'll call you back in a bit. i couldn't believe it tbh. ive done nothing wrong. its sad he is so insecure about her that he would believe i would try anything. and literally 2 days ago i stayed round his house and talked to him about my ex etc and he was listening and being a mate. he knows how much i miss her. so yeh it seems everything here is crashing around me. i cant believe it. ive done nothing wrong. i tried txting him today saying, you ok mate? you cooled down now? no reply
Ronni_W Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 he then went onto say how i never said goodbye when i ****ed off to scotland with my ex and when it all went wrong i just expect him to be my friend... ive done nothing wrong. its sad he is so insecure ... and literally 2 days ago i stayed round his house and talked to him about my ex etc and he was listening and being a mate. he knows how much i miss her. My best interpretation of "guy speak" is that Rob is still feeling confused and hurt and abandoned by how you acted when you effed off to Scotland. He was expecting something better from you (a proper goodbye is not too much to ask of a good mate) than you took the time or thought to offer him at the time. It DOES NOT MATTER if you don't get where his head/heart is, about this. It does not matter if YOU would have been fine if that was him acting so cavalier/thoughtless about the friendship. If your relationship with Rob is important to you, you will now make the time and give the thought to making amends -- arrange a one-on-one drinkfest, during which you'll let him know how you never saw it that way, you're sorry that you came off like a jerk, that you may well have taken his friendship for granted when you got back, etc., etc. YES...that was you doing that -- in his mind and heart, that was you. Help him to see that you understand what's going on for him, and you're sorry for your part in it. HE is being your mate...but you are not being his. (Hanging out and going on about how much you miss your ex is NOT you being his mate -- that's just HIM being there for you. It does sound like MAYBE his is somewhat accurate in thinking that things have degenerated into just talking, listening and supporting everything that's about YOU, YOU and YOU.) So, yes, you may well have done something "wrong". Maybe it's NOT his insecurity but your insensitivity? On-topic caution: It may be a good idea for you to stay aware and not become overly dependent on (needy of) Becki's companionship. Not that you'll ever consciously want to do something, but a bit of transference may end up happening without you even realizing.
ioncebelieved Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 My best interpretation of "guy speak" is that Rob is still feeling confused and hurt and abandoned by how you acted when you effed off to Scotland. He was expecting something better from you (a proper goodbye is not too much to ask of a good mate) than you took the time or thought to offer him at the time. It DOES NOT MATTER if you don't get where his head/heart is, about this. It does not matter if YOU would have been fine if that was him acting so cavalier/thoughtless about the friendship. If your relationship with Rob is important to you, you will now make the time and give the thought to making amends -- arrange a one-on-one drinkfest, during which you'll let him know how you never saw it that way, you're sorry that you came off like a jerk, that you may well have taken his friendship for granted when you got back, etc., etc. YES...that was you doing that -- in his mind and heart, that was you. Help him to see that you understand what's going on for him, and you're sorry for your part in it. HE is being your mate...but you are not being his. (Hanging out and going on about how much you miss your ex is NOT you being his mate -- that's just HIM being there for you. It does sound like MAYBE his is somewhat accurate in thinking that things have degenerated into just talking, listening and supporting everything that's about YOU, YOU and YOU.) So, yes, you may well have done something "wrong". Maybe it's NOT his insecurity but your insensitivity? On-topic caution: It may be a good idea for you to stay aware and not become overly dependent on (needy of) Becki's companionship. Not that you'll ever consciously want to do something, but a bit of transference may end up happening without you even realizing. Well put!!! Pete, you put yourself in an awkward situation. You really have no business hanging out with his girl. Regardless if you are friends just because your friend may let his mind run with ideas. That of course his is insecurity, that is for sure, but DO not put yourself where he can interpret just about anything. Be his friend and stay away from his lady friend even though he sounds insecure. Your post is sort of confusing, and I hope I read it right.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 yep everything is my fault. well i would txt him but he is with lewis now so i dont see the point. i couldn't say goodbye when i left as he was actually on holiday when i left. i didn't think it would be over a year that i was gone for. i dont appreciate being threatened since i didnt and wouldnt do anything to cause him and her pain.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 yeh its ****. i never thought he would be like that. i didnt see i was doing anything wrong. i had no idea he was thinking like that. really ****
Author Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 well ive txt him and explained myself. its up to him to work out wat he wants to do. i said >> in reply to wat you said last night, i didnt know thats how you felt about stuff. i didn't say a proper goodbye cause for one you were on holiday at the time and in all honesty i didnt know i would be going for so long, do you think that was easy for me? i had uni etc. i never saw it that way and didnt mean for it to appear i was taking your friendship for granted now that im back. i'll stay away from your gf but i'll say it again i didnt mean for anything from your point of view to seem like i was crossing a line.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 his reply its ok i dont wanna fall out over summit like this jus got pissd off cuss me and becki on a slippery place at the mo an i dont like any guy payin tht much attention to my girl i love her man u no wat its like sorry for bein a dick
borelandkaren Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 his reply its ok i dont wanna fall out over summit like this jus got pissd off cuss me and becki on a slippery place at the mo an i dont like any guy payin tht much attention to my girl i love her man u no wat its like sorry for bein a dick Sorted. It's a crappy time when everything piles up on you, hey. All will get better. You're just in a certain place at a certain time at the moment. It will pass. Things will begin to roll on again and get happier. Just don't let it all get to you. Maintain positivity. This is the only way to get through. Hang with mates and family. These are the best people for you at the moment. I had a similar sort of scenario a couple of weeks ago when everything went to shyte but now everything has come in it's 3 and has all turned good. Keep your chin up and smile. Ya gotta fake it 2 make it, apparently!
Author Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 yeh i am very happy its all sorted. only not between me and lewis. i wont trust him again. also another positive note, the waitress at work spoke to rob and rob told me she likes me as in likes me lol! hehe so i will be chasing this one. i am going to wait untill tomoz before work to see if she has txt me! only thing is, she will prob be off to uni soon as will i. but who knows cud be a hot steamy romance lol
borelandkaren Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 yeh i am very happy its all sorted. only not between me and lewis. i wont trust him again. also another positive note, the waitress at work spoke to rob and rob told me she likes me as in likes me lol! hehe so i will be chasing this one. i am going to wait untill tomoz before work to see if she has txt me! only thing is, she will prob be off to uni soon as will i. but who knows cud be a hot steamy romance lol Remember, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with!":laugh::lmao:
Ronni_W Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 yeh i am very happy its all sorted. only not between me and lewis. i wont trust him again. Lewis was looking out for Rob. Lewis has likely been paying more attention to what's going on in Rob's life (being a mate to Rob), and was aware of the difficulties between Rob and Becki. Lewis may have realized that Becki was "using" you (not in a bad way) to stay distracted instead of dealing with her relationship issues. Have you offered Rob to let you know if he wants to talk or whatever? -- if there's something you can do for him? -- told him that you're sorry that he & Becki are going through a tough time? -- that you realize you pro'ly shoulda picked up on that but you've been too wrapped up in your own stuff? -- that you intend on trying to be a better mate?
D-Lish Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 I'm only assuming that Rob is upset because he has been going through some turmoil of his own and you didn't recognize it because you have been upset about your ex relationship drama. So, You've been leaning on him- and he needs someone to lean on and doesn't see things as being even when it comes to giving support. So, yeah... I'd go back to him and tell him you are sorry you haven't been there for him and ask him if he needs to talk.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 yeh you are right guys well after he sent that i said, good then cause theres no need to throw away a lifetime of friendship over something like this. yeh i no what its like man you know that! dont worry bud you go on holiday soon im sure you two will be fine. i no you didnt mean what you said x things get pretty emotional. if you ever need to talk please do, dont let stuff get like that! he said ok i will, anyway waitress from your work told me she likes u as in likes you lol i think iv broken collar bone or a torn ligament hurts like crazy now an iv been drinkin alot, so im dreadin wot its guna feel like in the morning. and i said, yeh man you no i'll always be ur bro! **** mate you ok? what happened.
Ronni_W Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 and i said, yeh man you no i'll always be ur bro! **** mate you ok? what happened. THERE ya go! NOW you are being a good mate
Recommended Posts