Xillow Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 I recently posted a thread detailing everything there is to know about my relationship issues. But the problem is its it's so long that very few people would ever read it. So here it is in a nutshell. My girlfriend and I, who have been together for almost two and a half years, have recently decided to have an open relationship. She was not ready to settle down with one person, but at the same time didn't want to let me go. I thought I would be ok with a open relationship, but its not going well for me so far. She tells me everything that happens on her dates, which leaves me jealous and feeling like i'm in constant competiton with other guys. It dawned on me that this could very well go on for next 6 years of my life if i don't do something. This is a completly new experience to me. It's only been 3 days since the start of her first relationship with another guy. Being so new to this process, i'm not sure if i can get used to it. It's definatly not a situation i would prefer to be in, as it never yeilds a chance for me to feel secure in our relationship. I feel my decision has come down to leaving her (or taking a break), in order to re-obtain what i would call a normal relationship with someone else, or staying with her, and getting use to the new lifestyle. I know she is just using the other person right now, and that when we go back to school she won't talk to him until next summer, or an extended break. So maybe things will get better after we go back to school? Also, whos to say she won't start freaking out at the first sign that i've got a new gf? what if i put up with her others, but as soon as i start dating again she decides to go on break? I feel like my best option is to go on break with her now, but at the same time i can't help but feel doing that would mean goodbye forever. I'm hopelessly confused, and to make matters worse it's in a subject matter that most people have little or no experience in. Any advise/input would be appreciated.
JoeNewbie Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 In short, if the situation makes you unhappy, leave. If not, stay. You're still with her so obviously, this hasn't made you unhappy enough.
LionLover Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Being so new to this process, i'm not sure if i can get used to it. It's definatly not a situation i would prefer to be in, as it never yeilds a chance for me to feel secure in our relationship. Well of course not why would you who the hell wants to share their partner? This does not sound like the type of relationship you should be in so I don't think you should even entertain the idea. You value commitment between two people & that means not sharing/swapping partners. She does not seem to have the same viewpoints/beliefs as you in that regard so there is no point for you to remain in this relationship. If you can learn to live with it that's your decision, but I don't see how you (or anyone for that matter) could be comfortable/ok with it.
Author Xillow Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 You value commitment between two people & that means not sharing/swapping partners. Which reminds me, I left some pretty important information out. We did set boundaries. anything beyond a kiss has been deemed illegal, because anything beyond a kiss (including making out) is basically in preparation of sex, which is not the point of this. So in a sense, im only sharing her emotionally, not physically.
LionLover Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 You shouldn't be comfortable with sharing her, period. That includes emotional, physical & everything in-between. A committed relationship is between two people, you are still individuals but individuals merged into one, as one with complete devotion. She will not need to go outside the relationship because she already found this in you & she will have no desire to keep it open. So if after 2 1/2 years she is now deciding to be in an open relationship, then she never found it in you to begin with. You know how I knew? When I couldn't imagine for a second ever being with another person, except him only. When I couldn't imagine what my life was like before him. Btw, "him" = MG, in case anyone was wondering. Just wanted to make that clear.
LovelyStyle Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Hey there, Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you are really trying to keep her in your life. There's obviously a lot of love here. However, for her to share all the details of her other liaisons is not right. No wonder you're left feeling insecure. If the situation was reversed, she likely would feel the same way or worse. There are some things the human mind simply can't handle well, and the vision of the one you love in the arms of another is one of those things.
Author Xillow Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 Thanks to everyone for the input. I was suppose to have a date with her today, I was going to take her on a surprise picnic. The same place we had our first date. However, when i got to her house and she opened the door, it was painfully clear that there was just nothing left in our relationship. So instead, I broke up with her. We both saw it coming, and have been expecting it for awhile now. On the positive side, we are still compatible friends. After our rather lengthy, 'so we're really breaking up' chat, we setup a little picnic in her back yard and chatted for a bit. We both still genuinely care for each other, so I feel like we can become good friends. And who knows, maybe a few years down the road, we can give love another shot.
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