CGrace44 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. He is my best friend and pretty much the only person at my college that I can just lay around and do nothing with. We have had many ups and downs throughout the past few months especially. We would get in little fights because we have different personalities. We are both very stubborn, especially me, and he is very sure of himself which sometimes comes off as critical because he always voices his opinion. I have been debating breaking up with him for a little while. There are little things that he does that annoy me, and sometimes they set me off so that I become very stressed with our relationship. I also convinced myself that the love for him that I have is that of a best friend and not of a girlfriend. I broke up with him today and it was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. I do love him, but I don't know if I'm in love with him. I have tried breaking up with him before and those talks have simply turned into us discussing our relationship to fix the problems that we have. Today I told myself to stay strong and just do it already. He told me how much he loves me and that he thinks that I love him too. He told me it was obvious to everyone, except me because for some reason I was holding back. We have never had any big problems with our relationship and he is my favorite person to hang out with. I have so much love for him but I don't know if I'm in love with him. (how I am supposed to know that) It is only an hour later and I feel like it might have been a huge mistake. I was crying to my mom about the 3 hour conversation that I had with my boyfriend--a conversation that he didn't expect (because he didn't do anything to deserve it), a conversation where I ripped his heart to shreds and shattered my own in doing so. My mom told me that maybe I just need some time to sort out my feelings and that if it is meant to be then it will. I agree with her. I believe that if we are meant to be together than this may make us stronger because it will mean that maybe I am truly in love with him. Right now I feel lonely, lost, and empty. And the one person that I would go to right now feels even worse and its because of me. Should I have stuck to my "be strong" philosophy? Mind you--I have tried to break up with him before where we discussed our relationship, both cried, and stayed together. Will I ever be able to have my best friend back? Right now I can't even think about him without bursting into tears.
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