ellen24 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 So i have posted before, most recently " non-believer of NC". well i am on day two of NC after continueing to see my ex druing the "break." after about three and half weeks, i just couldn't deal with him being sweet one day, and cold the next.... after seeing him on wed, and he was mean and cold, i wrote him an aggressive email saying what a jerk he has been. no surprise, he responded aggressively to me as well. so up until then i was sure we would get back together since we still kissed hello, called each other baby etc. and referred to our relationship as being on a "break", not a break-up. well sadly i am facing the fact that it is indeed a break-up. I want to call him sooooo, soo bad, but i can't make him change his mind and see what we had together was soo good. i feel like sleeping forever, just so i don'[t have to think about it, but can't sleep!! i read that it does get better, but we had our whole future planned together, down to the number of kids we wanted. the worst thing is that he had saaid a few months ago, let's start to try to have baby in august. I woke up today thinkin, i'm 36 years old and was supposed to be trying to start a family, and instead i am in my apt alone and have nothing.... this is even worse then we inititially took the break. how does everyone manage to do this??? everytime i get a text i run to the phone hoping ti is him, and sadly it isn't... i think he will call eventually but he ws pretty mad about my mean email. before i wrote the email, he was being mean, but said i'll call you tomorrow, so i wish i had waited to see what he would say if he had called. do not send emails while angry and drinking wine!!
nowhereman82 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Just keep venting here and follow the advice given to the other hundreds of people. Just keep in mind how he is unstable when you talk. And how it makes you feel.
carhill Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 NC works. It works even better when there are filthy mcnasties in your R. Give it time. Once you get over the hump, his cr@p won't affect you.
Author ellen24 Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 thanks. i just read the guide to the longwalk. it was helpful... one poster said conctating them won't help, but neither will not- contacting them . that really rings true for me, b/c this does not feel good right now. it tis the first weekend since the intitial" break" four weeks ago, that i have no idea what he is going to do this weekend. for some reason, the thought of him, being less than a mile from me, but just going about his life makes me sick to my stomache... i ma not sure why his love for me has just changed. first it was "not me, it ws him" and he just needed some space but still wanted to be with me, juts not living with me. then it ws not living here nad we needed a break.. two weeks ago, it was " it still love you and do think we have a chance" and two days ago it was " i just don't think we understand each other and i don't knwo if we have a chance." is has been since july 12, a little more than a month i guess, so any chane of him changing his tune it getting slimmer so at this point, the nC is really for me. i am just in so much disbelief that our whole realtionship has unraveled.
carhill Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 At some point, with enough NC and healing, his cr@p won't affect you and you'll just sail through any incidental contacts. Much depends on your psychology and ability to be introspective. The key, for myself anyway, has been to change how I perceive people and their actions. I can't change them, only how I perceive them. Acceptance can free your mind
Author ellen24 Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 i have been trying to change how i perceive him. it helps that he has been such a jerk this week, so instead of saying i lost this great guy, i am (trying) to tell myself that i deserve better and that he ws the one that lost somethign great.... Honestly, besides my mean email to him on wed, i have nothing to regret in our relationship in terms of how i treated him or how muhc i gave. i truly gave my heart to him,as he did to me, but then he just bailed. i think one day he will feel very sorry about how he has treated me of late, but by then, hopefully i will no longer care.
motive2002 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 do not send emails while angry and drinking wine!! I think a lot of people need this on a post-it note on their computer screen.
Author ellen24 Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 I know! I seriously have considered posting "do not call" signs around the huse for week moments.
motive2002 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Little stop signs work. I read this in a book so not my original idea. Find an image of a stop sign. Not hard to do with google images hehe. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2a/Stop_sign.svg/600px-Stop_sign.svg.png Print a few of them up and put them in strategic places (i.e. the computer, phone etc.) When you see it, it's a visual cue. Stop dwelling. Stop thinking about calling. Just stop and do something else.
ioncebelieved Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Just remember this Ellen two four: It will get harder before it gets easier!! Hang tough things will be better!! I am almost on day 45 w/o a word of NC from me and from her, but I am getting better and still love, miss and think of her still. Just not nearly as much! Good luck with it!!
Author ellen24 Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 Ioncebelieve, thank you for you kind words! they almost made me cry, but then everything makes me cry these days.... I am practically glued to this website, reading people's stories and hoping for feedback on mine. i have a lot of friends, but don't even feel like talking to them b/c i am so sad, so it helps so much to be on here. tomorrow i am going to go to a party though since all have done the entire day is sit home ruminating over every sinlge converstion, issue, what i could have said or done differently, wondering where he is and if he is thinking of me. ( he prob hasn't given it a second thought). i am hoping to get to the anger stage soon so that i will be pissed that he totally bailed on us, instead of devasating. the thing is i am holding on to all of the promises that he made to me about the future and how he loved me so much, but have to realize that is not how he feels NOW. it sucks. glad you are doing well. on a sex and the city epsidoe someon once said it taked half the time you were in a realtionship to fully get over it. i was with him for 5 1/2 years, so if that is true i am screwed.... 45 days is not so bad to start to feel better. i have been off for the summer but go back to work in sept, so i think that will help distract me. i thought i would be spending all this time with him this summer, but we broker up mid-jluy and i have waaaayyy too much time on my hands.
HopeDiesLast Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 ellen24- im going through a similar situation. its really hard. no contact and not knowing what hes doing is the best. its hard to be social when its easier to sit home and mope, but force yourself to go be with others. even a half hr of not thinking of him or someone saying something nice to you is better than crying all the time. pick up some books- why men marry b*tches, its called a break up cus its broken, etc. its nice to know break up feelings can be universal. i wish i could tell you its gonna be easy, but its not. and you dont know what happens next....but know that its not over till everything is ok! WE'RE GONNA BE OK.
gennamoon Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Ellen...I feel your pain...it's hard to get yourself motivated about things...my break up happened three weeks ago and it has been so hard...the first weekend I forced myself to go out with two girlfriends...unfortunately, they're people that are friends with him too (we have a lot of the same friends hence how we met) and I had to lock myself in the stall of the bathroom about three times to break down... Last weekend I went to see a band and had a great time...then on the drive home thought about how "normal" I felt again, but then realized that things aren't "normal" anymore so then I felt like crap. When I'm in my house I feel like a prisoner and all I want to do is sleep. I'm thankful I found this website and I just reserved a bunch of books from the library trying to understand relationships, etc. I keep waiting for things to get easier, but with one easy day there are about three hard days. Good luck to you.
Ingenue Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Hang in there Ellen. NC can be very hard to maintain in the first few weeks. But as other posters have said, it does get easier with time. My breakup happened almost two months ago. Initially I was a fidgeting mess at what I've labelled "dead time". Every night for the past 5 years we would talk for two or three hours at the same time. So when he broke up with me, that particular time was really tough for me to be alone. I did anything and everything to get my mind off of him. My advice is to do anything. Go out, read a book, watch television, sleep, take a course. Just live your life and eventually things will get better and the desire to contact the ex will start to decrease. You might have a bad day every now and then, but that's perfectly normal. The important thing is you're moving on
0hpenelope Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 NC. Oh NC. The eternal struggle manifests itself in other relationships... It's gonna get tougher before it gets easier. The easier part makes the crappy part all worth it.
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