MusicLoverSC Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Hello everyone. I found this site looking for somebody to talk to that can relate to what's going on in my life. I'm a MW that works with bands in my area. Until now I have never wanted to cheat on my H. See, I became good friends with the lead guitarist in one of the bands I work with. Over the past year, him and I have become very close. A few days ago we ended up making out. No sex. Now he is acting strange towards me, and I feel very guilty myself. I know the hurt we could cause people we are both very close to, and I know my H doesn't deserve this. I don't want to lose this great friendship we have either. What do I do now? How do I fix this? Please no flames.
wildsoul Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Put down the guitar player and step away from the attraction. (not a flame, just a light-hearted tone of voice.) But seriously, as long as you don't continue to flirt/intrigue with this guy, you don't need to do anything. A little soul searching into your motives would be smart. And if you're having trouble staying away from guitar man, then you better get a strategy pronto! Can you nip it in the bud, or are you struggling with it?
Author MusicLoverSC Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 Yes, I am struggling with it. I feel we have become to close. I have feelings for him, but I know this is wrong. I can't just stay away from him because we have all the same friends. I guess we can just forget it happened and try to move past it maybe? Another member of the band thinks we belong together, thinks I should leave my H and he doesn't even know what happened the other night. My H and I have nothing in common, but it doesn't really bother us. The spark isn't there anymore, but that's no excuse to cheat. I'm sooo confused.
beautifullove Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 The good thing is you are aware that the road you are taking could and most often does lead to a lot of pain for all involved. WS is right, some soul searching may help you to find answers as to what is going on in your life, your M, and your R with the OM. As you may have read, these scenarios get very messy, and filled with regrets. Do some more reading on this forum, and you may find your answers. I know it has to be difficult to let your friendship go, but is it possible to find what you find in OM in your H?
crystal_lostheart Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Hi ML, It's good to hear that you are aware of the dangers of this sort of situation. This is how my MM and I started, we were friends at first then a kiss here, a kiss there and then before we knew it, we had fallen for each other - admittedly - I fell hard Now I can tell you it is the hardest thing to break away when you fall for a MM. It is so very painful. If you can spare yourself this pain, do it and don't look back. I didn't think much before I acted - I just thought he would leave his W like he told me he wanted to. 9 months later....... still in the same boat but now it's sinking and I feel like I'm slowly drowning. At least you are thinking about the heartache that can be involved and do you really want to ruin such a good frienship that you both have? Don't ever leave a M for another person. If you are unhappy and cannot work through it, then leave but leave for yourself. I know it's hard but it is early days for you and be thankful it hasn't become too serious.....try not to let that happen... if you read through some other threads here, you will see how heartbreaking it is for all people involved in situations like these. In almost all cases, best to stay away from a MM and take care of yourself. All the best and stay strong.......
astra77 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Hi ML, It's good to hear that you are aware of the dangers of this sort of situation. This is how my MM and I started, we were friends at first then a kiss here, a kiss there and then before we knew it, we had fallen for each other - admittedly - I fell hard Now I can tell you it is the hardest thing to break away when you fall for a MM. It is so very painful. If you can spare yourself this pain, do it and don't look back. I didn't think much before I acted - I just thought he would leave his W like he told me he wanted to. 9 months later....... still in the same boat but now it's sinking and I feel like I'm slowly drowning. At least you are thinking about the heartache that can be involved and do you really want to ruin such a good frienship that you both have? Don't ever leave a M for another person. If you are unhappy and cannot work through it, then leave but leave for yourself. I know it's hard but it is early days for you and be thankful it hasn't become too serious.....try not to let that happen... if you read through some other threads here, you will see how heartbreaking it is for all people involved in situations like these. In almost all cases, best to stay away from a MM and take care of yourself. All the best and stay strong....... Ditto Welcome to LS - hopefully you can take in the advice and choose the right path, as the path of an OW is a very lonely and painful one to follow. You are M, what would your H say? Sorry, but unless you can honestly say you would start divorce proceedings tomorrow, take this NO FUTHER with the guitar guy. Sorry if that sounds harsh but honestly, read the OW stories on here and save yourself the heartache. The women - and a few men - on this forum are fragile, emotionally wounded and traumatised by their affairs. Read the other posts and see then if you still think mr guitar man is looking so appealing.
Meaplus3 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Hello everyone. I found this site looking for somebody to talk to that can relate to what's going on in my life. I'm a MW that works with bands in my area. Until now I have never wanted to cheat on my H. See, I became good friends with the lead guitarist in one of the bands I work with. Over the past year, him and I have become very close. A few days ago we ended up making out. No sex. Now he is acting strange towards me, and I feel very guilty myself. I know the hurt we could cause people we are both very close to, and I know my H doesn't deserve this. I don't want to lose this great friendship we have either. What do I do now? How do I fix this? Please no flames. You realize the hurt you could cause here..so now you have to put an end to any sort of A with this man. I would simply tell this guitarist that you made a mistake by engaging in a kiss and that simply it can't happen again and stick to it. As for a friendship with this OM, I'm not so sure thats possible at this point. Good luck. AP:)
Author MusicLoverSC Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 You realize the hurt you could cause here..so now you have to put an end to any sort of A with this man. I would simply tell this guitarist that you made a mistake by engaging in a kiss and that simply it can't happen again and stick to it. As for a friendship with this OM, I'm not so sure thats possible at this point. Good luck. AP:) We talked about it tonight, and we both agree it was a mistake. I am so ashamed at myself. I'm just happy we didn't take it to far. Thanks for all the great advice. After reading this site, I believe I did the right thing by looking at it as a mistake. I'm already thinking of ways to make my M better. Lust is a powerful thing, but it wasn't worth my M. I will miss the friendship, but I will get over it it. Thanks everyone.
SnowWhite924 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Wow. Congrats to you! Thank goodness you have the clarity to see things for what they truly are and didn't get sucked into it like a lot of us. Keep focused on your marriage.
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