sj9ers Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Ok so here's the story. I've was dating this girl I work with for a month and we made it "official" a couple of weeks ago. Lately however it seems like something is off. Then yesterday was the first day I saw or talked to her in like a week since she went away and she kept asking me if I did anything with any girls at a party I went to with people from work while she was gone because everybody thought it would be funny to tell her stories even though nothing happened because I'm not that kinda of guy and then they eventually told her that nothing happened. Then later that day she tells one of my friends who told me that she was kind of frustrated with me because she's just not used to my type of guy because she's used to "players" and "a-holes" and not nice guys who try to do everything to make her happy and say yes to everything, which I admit I've been doing but just because I don't wanna screw this up. My friend said to maybe just slow things down and lay off a bit. I know not to become a jerk, but what should I do to I guess balance things out?
SnapCracklePop Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 You mean you want to play that game? Well... get spotted by her talking to other girls. If she asks what you were talking about, don't answer or be vague. But, you'll get an argument out of that too.. but that is what she wants. I'd get tired of that pretty quick. That is not the kind of excitement I want in a relationship.
Mako482 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Ok so here's the story. I've was dating this girl I work with for a month and we made it "official" a couple of weeks ago. Lately however it seems like something is off. Then yesterday was the first day I saw or talked to her in like a week since she went away and she kept asking me if I did anything with any girls at a party I went to with people from work while she was gone because everybody thought it would be funny to tell her stories even though nothing happened because I'm not that kinda of guy and then they eventually told her that nothing happened. Then later that day she tells one of my friends who told me that she was kind of frustrated with me because she's just not used to my type of guy because she's used to "players" and "a-holes" and not nice guys who try to do everything to make her happy and say yes to everything, which I admit I've been doing but just because I don't wanna screw this up. My friend said to maybe just slow things down and lay off a bit. I know not to become a jerk, but what should I do to I guess balance things out? Being a nice guy does not mean you need to be a pushover, you can be nice without being a squishy yes man. In the end be yourself, if you are faking it then she doesn't know the real you anyway.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 nice guys who try to do everything to make her happy and say yes to everything, which I admit I've been doing but just because I don't wanna screw this up In my book, a nice guy is NOT a guy who doesn't have a backbone or his own opinions. Saying yes to everything because you don't want to screw this up is an approach that will be short-lived at best. BE YOURSELF. She's going to find out who you really are and what you really think eventually. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't have his own point of view. You can't respect someone with none of his own opinions and the capability to back them up.
D-Jam Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Couple of things: I've was dating this girl I work with Not a good idea...unless you both work in separate departments, locations, or something where you don't see or deal with one another in terms of your work. nice guys who try to do everything to make her happy and say yes to everything, which I admit I've been doing but just because I don't wanna screw this up. Don't do that. The problem with nice guys is that they think if they do anything naturally that isn't disrespecting the girl, but not totally pandering to her, that they are being a jerk. A jerk is someone who doesn't respect women. What you need to do is be yourself and have your own opinions, but think about your actions. Do they respect her? If she's bored and you have plans to see a ball game with the guys, a nice guy will cancel and be with her. A jerk would go see the game, get drunk, flirt with other girls, and not call her til next week when he's horny. A real man calls her before the game, makes plans to see her after the game or the next day, and holds to them...but he still lives his own life and sees the game. If you want to do nice things for her that aren't over the top, do them. If your opinions are honestly the same as hers, then keep to them. This is the point you do these things because you like her and you like being good to women, not because you're trying to get her approval. In the end, I treat gentlemanly conduct as a litmus test. If the girl gets creeped out and runs to the arms of some jerk who mistreats her, then it shows she never was right for me. It shows she brings her misery in life on herself and I could do better. Nice guys also need to realize it's ok to reject a pretty girl if she won't be an adult woman to you.
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