gennamoon Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 I apologize if this is long...this is my first post and I'm so sick of listening to my friends opinions...I need to hear from people that understand. Five months ago, I met this guy through some mutual friends. He expressed interest in me which blew me away because he doesn't talk to people keeps up a wall when out in public and keeps to himself. He is divorced with three kids; has some trust issues from it and I'm divorced with two kids. Anyway, after a few run ins, he asked for my number. From there he texted me almost every day. I met him for a drink a few times, but only when some of our friends were present because I just wasn't sure. Finally, after a month, I went on a one on one date with him and it was great. We started to spend three days a week together, we could talk and talk, he really started to open up and was very attentive. Our mutual friends couldn't get over the way he was with me. He referred to us as a couple and it was the most comfortable relationship i had ever been in. I think he did have a few insecurities because he would say things to me like, "well, I'm sure a year from now this (referring to a quirk of his or something) will start to annoy you." Even though for the first time, I didn't see him through tunnel vision, I knew what his bad points were and I accepted him. We have very similar situations with our exes, family backgrounds that we could understand things we went through. He would constantly tell me how much he appreciated how understanding I was. About a month ago, a bunch of crap started happening to him; financially. He had some money that was to be coming to him that he found out he wasn't getting. He pays a lot in child support, his rent went up so he got depressed. He started working 60 hours a week, was starting to have some anxiety and realized he was going to have to move out of his apartment because it was too much for him. He still continued to see me the same amount of time and when we were together he continued to be the same...he was just exhausted...he shared all of what was going on with me. I continued to see him like normal, but when we weren't together I would just give him his space to be alone...he does like having alone time as do I. About three weeks ago, I get a text asking if I was alive...I hadn't talked to him in two days. I responded back and then he said we needed to talk. When I called him; he was working and he sounded horrible. He told me he couldn't do this right now...meaning a relationship, but that he needed to see me in person because he really wanted to talk to me. He asked if we could meet somewhere private, but unfortunately where we live it's a small town so there is no such thing as privacy. He didn't get off work until late so unfortunately by the time he met me...well, I had gone and had a little too much to drink (which is so not me, but I was a wreck). I was at a bar in town where we normally hang out and by the time he got to me a bunch of our friends were there and I had an attitude...bad, bad me. As soon as I saw him, I knew he had a wall up because there were people there he knew so our conversation wasn't very productive. Once the fog cleared I did talk to a couple of our mutual friends who told me not to take it personally because he did really like me, but he needed space to get himself back together...whatever that means. I saw him the next week and he seemed really hurt. He walked me to my car, kissed me, told me he really does like me and that he missed me; however, he's barely talked to me since. He is a very unemotional person; even though as I said he was always very comfortable around me (he even said that once). He misses his kids horribly; he sees them only on the weekends. I know he sounds like a train wreck, but I saw a side of him that amazed me. He was so happy when I met him. He even admitted that when we first started hanging out, but then when everything started crumbling, he spiraled downhill. Now, I don't know what to do. Ironically enough, a friend of mine moved out of state and needed someone to rent her house...so guess who's going to rent it...him...thanks to me. I'm such a sucker. I honestly don't feel that this would've happened had things not started to go downhill for him. I really do believe him when he says he really does like me...he's not one to say things he doesn't mean...if he doesn't like somebody it's very apparent, but I'm starting to feel like I'm crazy for feeling this way. We've never really had a real opportunity to talk about things. Every time we've tried we've been out somewhere and a bunch of our friends have been hanging around. I don't want to stress him out further, but I need some clarity/closure. Somebody help...
zicke Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 You need to read mars and venus on a date by John Gray--he is doing the man cave with all of the stresses.This can probably be saved if you leave him alone for now. But get your butt over to a bookstore and get that book, it will explain all of this in it. And calm down. He is majorly stressing out right now.
GrnEyedGemini Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 I completely agree with zicke. That book is really insightful. Helped me understand my bf a LOT better. Especially with the man cave thing!
Author gennamoon Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 Thank you for the book advice...I think my library might have it...I really don't believe this has anything to do with me...he's one of those types that was raised to believe that as a man you have to be the strong one that can handle everything and when he realized he couldn't, he felt like a failure...thanks again:)
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