sprite_girl Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 My "soon to be ex" and I have been dating for almost 5 years, we have a 3.5 year old son, also. We have had a rocky relationship, but know we both love each other a lot. As of recently I've been humoring the idea of leaving him for a long time good time friend of mine. My boyfriend is from a small town, and set in his ways. He is extremely content with watching tv, playing video games and working on his car. He doesn't want to do anything family orientated, he'd rather sit at home. He has no desire to make decent money and has no problem with "getting by" financially, whereas I don't care for scraping for change to pay bills or buy something nice once in awhile. (I grew up in a poor family and am just kind of tired of that scene.) It's almost seems like he doesn't want to grow up? Our child has sever ADHD and his father has a sever lack of patients. Until now I, myself, have been more than patient with him about his lack of. He doesn't want to interact with our child unless it involves a video game. He pretty much avoids him. I am in the process of getting him put on medication through the recommendation of several pediatric behaviorists. His father claims that when he's on the medication, he think he'd be better with him. Another false promise like the others? More about the false promises, he's done this for many years. Given up my hopes on various issues. One major one was helping me move out of the house I live in now. We lived together a couple months before our son was born, and then for about a year or so after that. I moved back in with my grandparents to take care of my dying grandfather. In turn he chose to take our son. About a year and a half ago, we decided that it would be in our best interest if I took our son for the time being. With the absence of his father, our son turned into a hellion. Sweet one, our son is, but he's very much a typical boy with ADHD and very hard to handle. Therefore not letting me find a job which I also had problems doing before I took him back. Anyway, back to the subject, shortly after my grandfather had passes and I took my son back due to the fact he passed, my boyfriend promised me he would help me move out. My grandfather passed in 2006, it is now 2008. So you sort of see the dilemma. More false promises like those have been fed over the past years. He is good to me in some respects. I know he loves me, he holds me and plays with my hair, kisses me, makes love to me, buys me books and other things he knows I adore to show me he's thinking about me.. Sometimes I wonder if I should just be more patient and accept that this is who he is, instead of trying to change him. Am I being selfish for wanting someone who wants to travel, enjoys spending time with my child and has a good career head on their shoulders? My long time friend does everything, if not more than what my soon to be ex does in the same respects, to a point. (I am still with my boyfriend, so some things are avoided for obvious reasons, for now.) I'm having a problem letting those feelings go and wondering if I should really be thankful he loves me the way he does and the past we have and what we've done together. I also feel like I'm being selfish when it comes to my child. I know he deserves someone who actually enjoys his company and is willing to teach him things and give him experiences. Do I give up whatever happiness I have with his father so my son can have a better life? I'm worried that I won't be truly happy with someone else, even if it's for the better of both my sons life, and mine. I know my child comes first, and saying I'm a slave to my emotions is an understatement. Being in this house makes it that much worse. We both lived here at one point together, and spent a lot of us time in the tv room along with time just in general around the city. Everything reminds me of him. I can see both sides of this and it's ridiculous that I am still stuck on what to do. Do I give him the benefit of the doubt and keep waiting until we can 'hopefully' get a place sometime this century and see if things change, or do I try and move onto someone else who can benefit both my son and I and doesn't need coaxing to do what is right? Stupidity obviously knows no bounds when it comes to love and logic.
nopainnogain Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 I was that guy to a tee. Especially working on cars. And we had no kids. Maybe leave him for a little while but dont date or hook up with guys. See what he does after a few months then make your decision. Or stay and talk to him. About how you really feel and what youd like to happen. Maybe hes stressed out .
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