counseling?

[stuck33]

hi all!

 

i posted a couple of weeks ago about my marital issues. i guess ill do a quick re-cap for those who don't feel like scrolling back a couple pages....

 

we met when we were both 20, he cheated on me twice in the first year. tried to kill himself after the second cheat. we worked through it and moved in together. got engaged on our second year aniversary. i secretly wished and hoped the whole time that he would do something stupid so i had a reason to leave, but he treated me well and i liked our life - i was comfortable and thought it might just be cold feet. we got married in november and i've been having doubts pretty much ever since. i just finished nursing school, got a new job and find myself changing alot. we just don't have a whole lot going on for us - we hardly see eachother (he works 6a-2p, i work 3p-12a) and even when we do we hardly talk, and our sex life is pretty much nothing. i feel like we are roomates and after only 9 months of marriage it scares me to think that this is happening already.

 

okay fast forward to now - i'm about to bring up that i'm not happy (my communication skills are atrocious so this is a big step for me, and his are not much better) and i do want to try counseling. i just don't know where to start...how do i go about finding a counselor? does insurance cover it? i think a trial seperation might do us some good, but we aren't in a great financial position and i don't know how that works either.

 

any help/advice would be greatly appreciated!

[PWSX3]

I would not suggest a separation, been there done that & I feel it doesn't help you to focus on the problem.

 

The only advice for a counselor I can give is make sure you find one that you like, you are comfortable with. It might take going to a couple of different ones.

 

I also got married at a young age & I also have changed my life style since the separation & and stbxw (her idea to leave) has pretty much stayed the same. I feel we grow apart as we get older & start doing different things. You are going to school, trying to better yourself moving forward & when you partner isn't doing that it makes it hard but I don't know what a couple needs to do to prevent this from happening.

 

Don't have much advice because each situation is different.

[TrustInYourself]

Anything can be rebuilt. Life is what you make of it. Make a choice.

 

As far as communication, it's a two way street. It's a skill that must constantly be refined. Men and Women communicate differently. It's an artform.

 

I hope that helps you find clarity in your situation.

[imagine]

Go to check the articles at the marriage builder website.

 

Especially the bits about emotional needs.

 

The cost of accessing this site is... FREE. Even I can afford this...

[Ronni_W]

i do want to try counseling. i just don't know where to start...how do i go about finding a counselor? does insurance cover it?

In the past, I got a doctor's referral for "work-related stress and marital breakdown" and group insurance then covered sessions with the therapist that my doctor had referred me to. (We added "work stress" just in case, and doctor just put down the name of the person I wanted to work with.)

 

Check with your HR department for your specific requirements. Some insurers have a list of counselors that you must choose from -- often doctor's note not required for those but still best to check first.

Your family doctor may be able to recommend someone, or check your Yellow Pages and/or on-line local business directories.

 

If you do not have insurance coverage, try googling "psychotherapy training" in your area. The institutions usually have free or low-cost therapy available through their graduate/intern program.

 

I also recommend the marriagebuilders.com site -- the 'emotional needs' and 'love busters' questionnaires can be eye-opening and a tool to get the two of you talking.

 

Wishing you excellent counseling results