Crow9726 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Tomorrow will be one week since my GF and I split up. We both saw it coming and resigned ourselves that it was inevitable, but that doesn't lessen the pain any. She loves me and always will, and I will always love her. Unfortunately, the deepness of our mutual love differed. I loved her with much more passion and yearning than she did me. There was little to no sexual attraction to me on her part, while I overflowed with wanting for her. The nights alone have been the hardest. Going home to an empty house. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to cuddle with. I miss her. I miss her kids. I miss "us". The split was amicable with no hard feelings. There has been no contact other than a phone call to let me know the she and her kids arrived at their destination safely. They moved out of state so that she could begin her new life while I deal with the lonely aftermath and the tattered remnants of what remains of my life. Yesterday was particularly sad for me. I was driving past the turn off that leads to her old home where we kindled our relationship. I was flooded with memories of how I used to get butterflies in my stomach from being excited to see her and how I would literally have to pinch myself to believe that she had chosen me to be with. I had to dry my tears since there is no going back. I made her happy for the most part, but could not overcome the emotional barriers and intimacy issues that arose with her. They are due to her past and the closer I wanted to get to her, the further she withdrew. She made me happy but didn't understand why romance and passion are so important to me. We used to joke that our genders were reversed. I am the sensitive one while she is the practical one. Now I am crushed. I know this will pass and that we will continue to be friends. I know we will eventually start to communicate again. I know she misses me. I know she remembers the 15 months months we lived together fondly. I know I didn't hurt her or break her heart. But none of that lessens my pain. I am miserable and lonely.
nowhereman82 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Venting helps Good thing you came here. I am sure you have read other posts and they have all suggested NC and going to the gym. It works, try it out, in your down time, do more reading here.
BklynGuy Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 I have dealt with your pain. I was with a girl and she was highly attractive, many men chasing her. I am not a bad looking guy but had my own insecurities about my weight, especially when being with a hot girl like that. I should have done something about it then. A while later I did, and believe me, women love a man who works out and takes care of his body, not to mention it helps you while having sex. When I was with her, it was the first time in my life I'd felt ugly and unattractive. My weight fluctuates now but I wont ever let myself get that big again. I feel uncomfortable if I gain 10-15 lbs now, especially in the summer. Go to the gym, make yourself look better. It can do wonders for your self esteem, and do NC until you are able to communicate.
4dviceJunki3 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Trust me, looks are not important because you know why? After a given time, looks will fade and the true characteristics of the person will surface. In your case, it's understandable to feel this way. It sucks to come across things that remind you of the person you've lost; however, you have to be stronger than that. Crying about it is okay. Coming onto the forums and posting your thoughts and venting is probably the BEST method of helping yourself heal through this tough time. We're all here on the forums ready to help anyone and I can imagine we've all been through it ourselves and know what it's like to lose something that you think you will never find again. Whether you thought that she was the most attractive girl you would have ever had, the sun will rise again and so will your hopes and confidence. Don't let this destroy you, let it help you build a stronger mind to approach things differently in the future. Who is to tell what will happen in a relationship when everything in the beginning is perfect until that one sour fight leading to the breakup? Sometimes, things just don't go our way. Sometimes, we come to a mutual agreement and both people need to have that understanding. Also, what helps is reading other peoples stories on what they went through with their relationships so here's mine (I'll keep it short): I met a girl 3 yrs ago, ended up getting with her for 2 1/2 yrs and did nothing wrong in the relationship but after all that time, she told me that she found someone else and that she was going to move out with him to a city 2 hrs away from where she used to stay. She told me I did nothing wrong and we had to end the relationship. How do you think I felt after all that effort and devotion into a relationship, only to have it end that way. So trust me, I went through this whole "world turning dark on you" crap and it wasn't fun at all. But I learned from it. I learned that even though you trust yourself and know that you will not mess up in the relationship and that you will be as honest and loyal as you would want your partner to be, things just may not slide your way. You cannot do anything about it but just be more careful in the future when you get involved again with somebody else. The healthiest part of a relationship is communication between both parties. If you have none, you will never succeed. Now when I get involved with a girl and start to date, I let them know from beginning what happened to me with my ex and how it has changed in a better way. They look at me in shock that I managed to not kill myself. Just stick it out, and try to be strong about it. Time will pass and so will the feelings; within time, you'll look back at it as a positive thing and you will realize all the positive changes that have come into you.
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