vonerik012 Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Or you can hold out for MR perfect that will change a year into the relationship, and becomes worse than what you could have "settled " for. He might cheat, lose his job, lose interest in sex with you, etc etc. There are no guarantees. And the guy you might "settle" for, might kick his ambition into action and become very successful. I have seen this happen often. He just needed a good woman to stand beside him.
Woggle Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 The best criteria to follow is that he actually exists and that you can deliver everything in return that you demand from a man.
Trialbyfire Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 So, there's settling for something other than your ideal, settling for less than what you need, and there's settling down with someone who feels right enough to want to settle down with them. Settling for less than what you need will bring regrets and a failed relationship down the line. Unmet needs create resentment and make for a bad relationship. Example: You settle for someone who is reserved when you really need someone who is openly affectionate and loving. Settling for something other than your ideal can work really well or can be a dismal failure, depending on your attitude and perspective. If you see it as settling, then you will fail. If you see it as being open to someone you wouldn't have expected, that can bring all kinds of unexpected joys and pleasures into your life. Example: you settle for someone who isn't romantically creative and you resent that he never brings you flowers or she doesn't tell you you're her Superman all the time. That could ruin a relationship. Viewed differently, that same person could be the BEST husband/father or wife/mother because they are practical and thoughtful and enhance your life by always being the one person you can count on when you need support. Settling down with someone who is 'good enough' means, to me, that overall, they meet a majority of your needs and wants. What's wrong with that? Nothing. As long as you don't view it as settling, but settling down with someone who may not be perfect but is as close to that as is important. Love this response! The word settling is so negative. I will never settle when it comes to needs. Wants are negotiable. Net result is that you're not settling.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Maybe they feel better claiming "I wont settle", instead of "men do not find me attractive as a female" Probably true for some women. Just as it is true that some men feel better for saying how devalued women are for aging and how great men turn out for aging. Although, one has to wonder why a man would even care if women want to settle or not if he only sees women as becoming less valuable to him with age. After all, such a man can't possibly want to get married to something that has such a depreciating value as a human being. And is less then her male counterparts. I'm bothered to see 5'8" considered as short, since that is my height I'd love to be 6'3", but I gotta work with what God gave me. Dude, I have dated short guys and tall guys and I was not neccesisarly more attracted to the tall guys. It was about chemistry and how he made me feel. ANd some of those shorter guys made me feel damn special. Now if he was insecure about his height, that was the real turn off. The insecurity, not his height.
almost famous Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 It's OK to settle I guess, but I have felt passionate love before for a man, and he has felt it for me. Although it ultimately did not work out, I know I will not settle for less than passionate love. I don't want to be with a man I don't love to sleep with and feel deep love and passion for.
Mako482 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 It's OK to settle I guess, but I have felt passionate love before for a man, and he has felt it for me. Although it ultimately did not work out, I know I will not settle for less than passionate love. I don't want to be with a man I don't love to sleep with and feel deep love and passion for. I thought you were a dude, sorry for assuming:) That is what made you sound arrogant in the other thread, coming from a guy it would have been;)
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