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How do I turn down my boss' invitation to dinner?

saiveca

By saiveca
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saiveca Established Member

saiveca

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I recently changed departments and I'm working with a new supervisor. I am married with a toddler and everyone in the office knows it.

 

My manager asked me out to dinner and I just don't know how to react.

 

Part of me thinks that the guy knows I am married and did not mean this as a date but simply an opportunity to get to know each other.

 

However, I don't want to encourage him by accepting his invitation (should he have any romantic feelings for me). I hear he is quite a ladies man.

 

Since I am not really sure he invited me out on a date, how do I decline his invitation without sounding like "I don't want to date you"?

ManWithQuestions Member

ManWithQuestions

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tell him no :p

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saiveca Established Member

saiveca

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tell him no :p

 

Obviously... :)

 

But since I am not sure he asked me on a date, how can I firmly say "no" without sounding too pompous?

ManWithQuestions Member

ManWithQuestions

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have you thought of just going to dinner, possibly it being that he really just wants to get to know you and make you feel more comfortable around him?

and if he says something, or does something, just tell him your married

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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just tell him "that's not going to work for me - i have a family at home to tend to"

 

if he wanted to talk business - he could do that over a casual lunch.

jadedone Established Member

jadedone

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How ever you do it. Do it with a digital recorder in your pocket. Build up that sexual harassment case.

ManWithQuestions Member

ManWithQuestions

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How ever you do it. Do it with a digital recorder in your pocket. Build up that sexual harassment case.

 

thats so messed up lol

SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

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Whatever you do, DON'T treat it as if it was a date request - even if you're 98% sure he meant it that way. Just handle it like a proposed business lunch. "Let's make it Thursday lunch so we can really discuss the <blah blah> work project. I have some ideas about increasing sales <yada yada>..."

 

However he responds, you'll have the info you need. Even if he threw bait in front of you, DON'T pick it up and DON'T notice it's there!!

JoeNewbie Established Member

JoeNewbie

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Whatever you do, DON'T treat it as if it was a date request - even if you're 98% sure he meant it that way. Just handle it like a proposed business lunch. "Let's make it Thursday lunch so we can really discuss the <blah blah> work project. I have some ideas about increasing sales <yada yada>..."

 

However he responds, you'll have the info you need. Even if he threw bait in front of you, DON'T pick it up and DON'T notice it's there!!

 

This is the best response by far.

Javelin Established Member

Javelin

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Whatever you do, DON'T treat it as if it was a date request - even if you're 98% sure he meant it that way. Just handle it like a proposed business lunch. "Let's make it Thursday lunch so we can really discuss the <blah blah> work project. I have some ideas about increasing sales <yada yada>..."

 

However he responds, you'll have the info you need. Even if he threw bait in front of you, DON'T pick it up and DON'T notice it's there!!

 

Stop trying to give her idea's other than the word, " No! "

 

This isn't, 'like' a lunch! The man blatantly asked her out to dinner! You don't ask someone out to dinner to talk business without being interested in them!

 

Look, who gives a ***** how you tell him, just tell him you can't make it. Please don't be naive and think this is just a business dinner, because it's not.

flc Established Member

flc

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Stop trying to give her idea's other than the word, " No! "

 

This isn't, 'like' a lunch! The man blatantly asked her out to dinner! You don't ask someone out to dinner to talk business without being interested in them!

 

Look, who gives a ***** how you tell him, just tell him you can't make it. Please don't be naive and think this is just a business dinner, because it's not.

 

I have to agree, no supervisor should be asking their opposite sex employee to an individual dinner date. If there are other employees or customers that is another story but a private dinner, no way. Do you have pictures of your family on your desk? If not I would do so, if he continues to pursue you then you have a problem on your hands.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Many business people do actually discuss business over dinner alone, or are doing a meet and greet/welcome to the team. However, the OP is uncertain of her supervisor's motivation.

 

I wouldn't hit this head-on either, until I was certain of his motivation.

 

Here's another possibility by incorporating some of the other members suggestions but make it a humorous suggestion:

 

"It's easier for me to go for lunch to discuss business since any dinner would require the prior approval of my husband AND my toddler. Two more demanding people, I don't know."

Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

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"It's easier for me to go for lunch to discuss business since any dinner would require the prior approval of my husband AND my toddler. Two more demanding people, I don't know."

 

I like that. Even if you don't make it humerous, just say what TBF said. Not even prior approval, just say you have a husband and toddler at home that you need to take care of, so lunch would work better for you.

 

If he tries something at lunch, then he is probably a jerk. Just handle the situation by saying "i'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but I am not interested. I am married and have a child. I am happy to have this job and be working with you, but I'd prefer we keep our relationship a business one."

Lucky_One Established Member

Lucky_One

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Or tell him "Thanks! We would love to join you; Jim has been wanting to meet you for since I changed jobs. What time on Friday so that Jim and I can get a babysitter for Sophia?"

 

Make it clear that you and your H are a committed couple.

Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

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Or tell him "Thanks! We would love to join you; Jim has been wanting to meet you for since I changed jobs. What time on Friday so that Jim and I can get a babysitter for Sophia?"

 

Make it clear that you and your H are a committed couple.

 

LOL yeah, that is good!

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saiveca Established Member

saiveca

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Wow, so many answers!!!

 

Everyone in the office knows I am married with a toddler. My boss definitely knows as I mention them every so often.

 

I also really like my job and don't want the situation to become uncomfortable. I think suggesting lunch would be best. Thanks!

 

Now I think I just put myself into trouble again. I was walking in the office as my boss walked out. I held the door for him and said "I've just let you use me" as a joke. I didn't mean this to be sexual but my girlfriend called me crazy! Apparently I shouldn't have done that.

Lucky_One Established Member

Lucky_One

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My suggestion wasn't meant to inform him, but to bring your H to the forefront of the conversation without it being confrontational. Suggesting lunch in lieu of dinner isn't the best way to keep him from making a pass at you or of letting him know that you have no interest in him.

 

Nor was making a sexual comment with the door; you may want to curb those if you really don't want him to think of you in "that way".

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