Unsuccessful with NC

[Lmaiden]

My boyfriend and I broke up 3 months ago because he cheated and more… (to hard to go into) we were together for 6 years and I took the breakup very hard. After about 1 week I went through denial I began dealing with him again sexually and emotionally, I took myself through some head trips and was literally about to go insane. We would argue, cry, debate he even went through some devastating situations, a fabricated suicide attempt that really could have succeeded, heavy marijuana abuse for nerves and calmness so he say and serious Promethazine use (codine cough syrup) for sleeping so he say again. At first I felt sorry for him because I could see what the break up was doing to him weight loss, minimal and or no appetite, rapid and sudden drug abuse as stated before. My family and friends kept telling me I was crazy for even caring but the love I have for him just wouldn’t let me leave. After about 3 weeks of the on and off drama of dealing with him sleeping with him and just subjecting myself to emotional exhaustion I decided to minimize my contact that was also pushed by him treating me as the culprit. I decided to only call him to wish him good morning and good night and after a while that went from phone calls to text messages. I began to go out and hang with friends, I did make one mistake and became sexually involved with another man which I still presently am no strings attached what so ever (my choice). After a while things began to get a little out of hand we began to argue and disagree more I was not understanding why things were going the way there were and was expecting him to answer me… I was feeling as if I deserved an explanation but I really was looking for an answer that I knew he wouldn’t give me. After about 2 ½ months I decided to start NC it was easy considering he never called until day 12 he text me “I need to get in touch with your cousin Anthony ASAP it is very important”. I didn’t want to reply so all I did was text him the telephone number he could be reached at. After a few hours I began to get a little curious considering Anthony is a younger cousin of mine that is close to my brother and since they were kids I was semi protective over them. I called my cousin who told me that my ex never called him… Soooo what did I do? I called him to find out that he hadn’t really needed my cousin anymore he got what ever he needed handled by someone else, he than began to ask me questions… you know the basic how are you, how’s work, what cha been up to yada yada yada after a brief conversation I was back at square one. Now I was thinking of him and again allow him back into my bed (the next day so weak of me) now for the last 6 days we have been talking daily. He expressed to me that he had intentions on getting me back once he can prove himself worthy and the next time around will be more fulfilling and fruitful. Listening to him express these things to me some what makes me hopeful and somewhat gratifying because deep down I don’t want to let him go, but on the other hand I know I need to let him go and focus on me. Advise please I don’t know what I should do should I proceed to the NC this time not giving… or what else

[iain]

I'm sorry but as far as I'm concerned, your ex has run the mill here, he took an innocent situation, to peak your interest... Then when you replied denied it, only long enough to put a foot in the door, check your status and prove how independent and uneedy he was. Recognise that he misses you, wants you and maybe for the wrong reasons, I could be completely wrong here but I believe you are in a position of privilege, don't waste it.

 

I would say proceed with Nc, if he is serious he will wait.... I would (am)...

[Lmaiden]

I have completely given in which seems so weak of me… I had intentions on continuing on with no contact so that I can give myself time to heal and also a fresh start to possibly moving on with my life. We have since talked about some of the things that has happened and I actually feel good to have been given the opportunity to “Let his ASS have it” in a nice way. I think the NC approach is good I just can’t seem to uphold to it, I have been successful with minimal contact keeping myself busy and only taking calls from him when necessary family, business etc… (I never answer the phone when he calls only respond to VM messages). I wouldn’t say that this approach is best but it is working for me at this moment, I really don’t want to overly involve my self with him or completely cut him off because I’m still battling over staying and leaving

[SilverLining]

You are still battling. You and your life are still being jerked around, and look who's holding the strings. You need to get away from this guy to have any type of real consideration about whether it would be good for you to be with him or not. You seem to not feel you deserve and can have better. This is a guy who has cheated on you multiple times. Because of that we know he doesn't really respect or value you. And why should he, when every time he calls you run to him? When you are willing to 'settle' for less than you or anyone deserves? Why should he be more of a man when he clearly can do as little as possible and you still accept it? You need to see this person as he really is - maybe not all bad, but certainly not very good. NC will help you get some more clarity.

 

Another thing is, you are waaayyy too hard on yourself for breaking NC. It's alright to slip up sometimes. My advice to you, is to go to your calender right now and count 30 days and mark it off. Then x out all the days you have no contact, meaning no calls, texts, emails, zip. After 30 days, then see him if you must. If you break NC between that time, no sweat, just start over. In fact, you might want to consider getting yourself into therapy so you have someone to talk to during this time, and to help you deal with the issues that have been generated with his constant betrayal of you. The effects can be seen even in your posts, i.e. your putting yourself down. Stop putting yourself down because you aren't perfect. We are all weak sometimes, especially when it comes to love. Look forward and have some hope, because you are a good person and you will find someone who can appreciate you.