angryyoungman70 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 My wife and I have agreed to an amicable seperation. I do not feel the elation that I thought I would, rather I find my mood to be one of great sadness. I'm heading off for a planned fishing weekend with "the boys", the first time I have done anything like this in well over 13 years. Once I return, I will be looking for a room (finances dictate that I can not afford an apartment) and will still be over at my stbx's house (that sounds so alien to me) 3 times a week to be with our kids while she's at work. I know that I'll be running the gambit of emotions over the next few weeks, and am concerned that I will not be too much fun to be around in regards to my friends this weekend. I also am concerned that I will proabaly blubber like a fool once I head home for the day and see my kids. Any advice to help me quell my emotions would be greatly appreciated.
Rorocher Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I wouldn't even try too hard to quell anything, you are going through a very difficult time, so please, grieve and let it out. Your friends have got to understand. Have fun when you are able and the times when you feel like moping too, mope, vent, do what you have to...just don't get destructive. Anyone who's been in our shoes knows that it's not something you just snap out of, life as you know it is unraveling before you, keeping it together will be hard. Maybe try and hold it together for the kids though, since their young minds will find it hard to process Dad being so emotional.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Any advice to help me quell my emotions would be greatly appreciated. You know, I had a friend that had been married 15 years (two kids) that seemed to just sail through the divorce process. None of the usual drama or BS seemed to faze him and we all marveled at how well he held up through the whole thing. When his divorce became final and he came here to Vegas to celebrate, we got together and had a few beers. So you can imagine my surprise when he called me the next morning to tell me that HE HAD JUST MARRIED A WOMAN THAT HE'D MET 36 HOURS EARLIER WHEN HE ARRIVED IN TOWN !!! He'd been divorced for a grand total of 5 days at this point. My point is that everyone reacts in their own way. As Rorocher said, you've got to have someway to let it out. Understand that it's a process with specific stages and steps. Having read many of your posts, I know how much your kids mean to you. Stay strong and close to them. Don't do anything crazy or impulsive (see above!), as my Dad used to say "measure twice before you cut once". Keep posting to let us know how you're doing... Mr. Lucky
Author angryyoungman70 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 Well...my weekend fishing trip was an excercise in denial. I refused to even once think about my changing situation. Mostly because I figured that this would blow over and when I got home, my wife would have a plan for us to try and resolve our issues. This was not the case however. She's adament that this is it. I know that her sisters have been filling her head, but I also think that she's on the fence, and not letting on that she is. She wants us to be friends and is showing no signs of hostility. This seems ok, but it does not seem normal. I have to admit that I'm on the fence as well. On one hand, It breaks my heart to think that we'll no longer be a couple and that family camping trips and outings as such are not in our future anymore. On the other hand, I can see that this may be a good opportunity for personal growth. I have been unhappy in my marriage for a long time. I feel guilty for wanting more out of marriage, and feel equally guilty for being the catalyst to invoke change. It is very confusing. I want more out of my relationship, and suggest that I leave because my wife wants me to leave but does not have the courage to say it....I kind of want to leave because my love bank is completey empty and misery has been the norm for years....I want to stay and work on our marriage because I do love my wife, and value our family immensely.
Rorocher Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Maybe sometimes you need to get away from it in order to be able to work on it? You said you have been unhappy for a long time, perhaps you both need to leave the situation, clear your head and let things air out before coming back to pick up the pieces. Break-ups naturally create panic as we all know. Your senses can't deal with the shock and immediately want to go back to the status quo. But if you can just endure that period of panic and not give in, you will most likely be better for it. Taking some time apart doesn't always mean the end.
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