Shygirl15 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I transferred to a new unit but within the same organization February of this year. It's a small part of the organization that carries out a completely different type of work from the rest of the organization, so it was pretty challenging to me at first. Anyway. Immediately after I accepted the offer to move in this unit, I heard that the manager of the unit is a very arrogant man. He's simply a bully. The position I applied for became vacant after this manager bullied the lady before me for years and years, so she got fed up and applied for another job, but still within our organization. I was shocked and very worried when I learned this of course, but it was too late to do anything. Also, the position was a grade higher than what I had and the salary was good. I started the job, and spent a couple of weeks with her as she trained me. During this time, I was also fed lots of information on how SOB the boss is, a bully with hotter-than-hot temper. I didn't think I had any other way out anyway, but I'm good at working around different situations so I was not that worried. Somehow, ever since she left, things have calmed down drastically. Sure, me and the manager would get into it sometimes, but I'm told it was a lot more frequent with the other lady. As of now, me and this manager are sort of friends; meaning we go beyond the professional level and would go to lunch together sometimes, or share pictures of family, vacation etc with each other. All is well. I think the other lady now feels jealous. She has started calling my co-workers asking if I have had any fights with the manager the way he did during the 'old times' with her. Whenever I bump into her, she kinda frowns at me in a way. Whenever we are in the same meeting, she has to challenge any comments I make, I mean she always has speak right after I speak. It's starting to get into me. We had lunch together yesterday, again she was being her nosy self and asked questions about the manager, to which I responded very positively. Again, she started bombarding me with all these warnings to be careful with him, not to trust him, how he can explode any minute, he's a sexist etc. I want her to stop. Not sure how to make her stop in a peaceful way. I don't want to make this thing official as I don't want to create enemies in a new environment. Please advise.
quankanne Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 She has started calling my co-workers asking if I have had any fights with the manager the way he did during the 'old times' with her. Whenever I bump into her, she kinda frowns at me in a way. Whenever we are in the same meeting, she has to challenge any comments I make, I mean she always has speak right after I speak. It's starting to get into me. sounds like she's one of those people who isn't unhappy unless she's unhappy, you know? And that the problems she has with people are just magnified ... dramaticized, if you will ... by her in order to fulfill this need she has for being in an unhappy environment. Especially when you describe how she challenges you in staff meetings, for pete's sake. Unbalanced would be a kind way to describe her! next time she starts up with the "your boss is evil" spiel, thank her for her concern and move on to the next subject. If she insists, be kind, but firm, and tell her that it's a topic you no longer wish to pursue, end of that conversation. hopefully, she'll catch on that you're not interested in getting sucked into her drama – because frankly, it sounds like that's what she REALLY wants, for a victim as she plays the role of emotional vampire.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 next time she starts up with the "your boss is evil" spiel, thank her for her concern and move on to the next subject. If she insists, be kind, but firm, and tell her that it's a topic you no longer wish to pursue, end of that conversation. Thanks, Quankanne. Problem is I'm really poor at that, so I always end up sucking it up just to maintain peace, but then she doesn't stop.
Tomcat33 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 As soon as I read the first part of your post the first thing I thought of was "never take one other person's account for what a co-worker is like" and I'll explain why. While there is a great deal of truth to certain character traits certain people carry around with them sometimes it all boils down to the dynamic betwee two specific people, so never ever judge a person by what someone else tells you at work. If it was an entire team telling you this guy is awful then you can pretty much guess that there might be some truth to that . But in this case it seems it was just the dynamic that developed between the last lady and your boss. Their personalities were prob ones that totally clashed and brought even worse traits in your boss, not saying he is not a jerk maybe he is but he may have been ESPECIALLY jerky with her. I would STOP hanging out with her and telling her anything more about what is happening between you and your manager, it sounds like she is too concerned with your progress and the last thing she wants is to know that you are doing a better job than she did in getting along with your boss, and that's not right. If she asks you anything else, just tell her everything is fine and change the subject. Don't give her anymore ammunition to fill your head with negativity. This vibe of hers is going to start getting to you, the more negative stuff she tries to feed you the more it will sit in your mind and will affect your relationship subconsciously with your boss. Don't allow her to do this anymore. You need to put your foot down, let her get catty, oh well, your job is more important. Cut her out she is poison ivy.
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