McElizabeth Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I'm thinking seriously about breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 months. Very seriously as in was ready to do it last night. We didn't get a chance to speak and now that moment has past. I posted recently about my fears of him possibly having inappropriate relationships with other women/my paranoia/etc and the response was quite helpful so now I'm back. He travels for work and does so quite frequently so it's really hard to just sit him down and talk about things. He's gone now on a 3 week trip and will be back on Monday. The last 2 and 1/2 weeks have been such a roller coaster for me. I feel good about things and then I don't. Usually prompted by some weird thing that'll happen to pique my insecure side. All the specific instances aside, the fundamental problem is that I don't have enough of the warm and fuzzy trusting feelings for him that people have in relationships. He's very social and happy. Or seems happy anyway. He calls me everyday. Several times. Sends me sappy text messages endlessly, tells me about how happy he is to have me to come back to when he's on the road. Just a few minutes ago we were IMing and he told me of a conversation he had with another road guy about how lucky they were to have the wife/girlfriend that they do. Having the career that they have. All of these sweet nothings recently make me want to barf. Because I can't understand how he could be so happy and comfortable and confident in this relationship where I feel soooooo unsure. It's not that I don't love him. It's that I find it hard to be mushy with someone who I suspect may have at the VERY least flirtatious relationships with other women. Maybe even worse. I was feeling better the other day. I decided to tell him that I felt like I was dissatisfied with the progress of our relationship. I told him that I felt like our conversations were like news feed on CNN. Daily updates. Nothing of substance. His sweet nothings referenced above? Everyday, it's the same. Same words every day. He said that he plans to be home for the fall for the most part and that we should both make an effort to really open up. Tell each other our true feelings and dive right in. What I should note is that my assesment of the relationship came as a surprise to him. He said that he felt very close to me and really had no clue that anything was wrong. I own that responsibility I guess, because I'm not a "talkative" girlfirend. I don't find it necessary to bring up every little thing. Problem is, those little things add up. Anyway, I agreed and felt temporarily better. Until, the other day he was IMing me from the city he's in now and sent me this craigslist link to an escort that he was joking about hiring. Craigslist is sort of our thing. We post cryptic messages to each other in different cities while he travels. I introduced him to Casual Encounters b/c it's hilarious and became a joke for us. Well he found the erotic services section and told me about it some months ago so I knew he looked at them for fun. I never knew he actually perused the ads for the cities he was in. I said "funny how you haven't been in ******* for 4 hours yet and you're already trolling for escorts". He blew it off and said that he and the tour manager were thinking of hiring one as a joke for the bass player. I said nothing else but I really don't find that very humorous. Nor do I fully buy it. Anyway, here we are.. days later and I still feel weird about it and I want to break up. Thing is, he has NO IDEA that I'm upset. I'm sure he can tell but he's not asking. How do I explain to a man that is completely clueless that I want to break up over a bunch of insecurity and no evidence of actual wrong doing???? Or, is it really in my best interest to end things. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe these things amount to nothing. I haven't been in a real relationship in a long time. You might say that, for a while, I really kept my dating very casual and limited it to just sex with most guys. Maybe I screwed my brain up that way and now I'm out of whack. help.
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