eugene3 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Ex gf of 2 years called me last night. It has been over 5 months and nothing good has happened to get her back. I chased her for the first 3 months and i finally stopped over a month ago until recently. Last thursday i e-mailed her to return the rest of my belongings. I basically said if you are 100% sure its over then send my things back. Then on friday she e-mailed me back to say she has alot to say. I said ok then we can talk about it on monday and for her to enjoy her weekend. So i e-mailed her tuesday to pick a day to talk. She called me last night. I was surprised as hell. Anyway i started it off with asking how her family and work was and she said ok. Then she said to me that i need to give up hope and that she is not coming back. Anyways the conversation lasted almost 2 hours and i said to her tell me how she feels from her heart and she said that she cares for me and i asked if she loved me and she said " i guess i don't love you anymore" I said well you feel that way because of all we went thru since it was a horrible breakup and she said she did not know why. I said so you are 100% sure its over for good then she says i do not know, i asked if i could see her again and she said i don't know. She said that the main reason is she does not trust me and that she is not with anyone and is happy being single. She then said she wanted to move to boston because all her friends live there but all her family lives another place and i said you will never make it because you are such a family girl and she said yes but the move would not be permenant. I then stated that all i want is to be friends and to show her i have changed and to gain her trust and i said the only way for her to see that is if she keeps in contact with me. I said i will not interfere in anything in her life if she agrees. She stated that she would take the next few weeks to think about it. I then said my birthday is in 5 weeks i said to her why don't we meet up and i can get the rest of my things from you and we can also maybe go to dinner and hang out. I said if that day we hang out and no feeling at all rekindle then i will give up hope and let go. She said ok. So i told her i am going NC for a month then i will call her on my birthday to do dinner and get the rest of my things. She said ok call me. So some harsh words from her but i can never get a final straight answer. I have been trying for months to get my things and she would always make excuses. I feel that there is a little love there for me and i feel she is hurt and scared to be hurt again and she feels it will never work. She seems very confused with alot of things. Now we talked abot alot more things and at one point she started to cry. I basically said i will give up hope when we see each other and she feels nothing for me at the time. I beleive that if thats the vase then i need to move on and she needs to bring my things to me. SHe shuts the door but does not lock it. I just think she is confused and she says those things to me knowing i will not let her go because i am crazy for her. We will see in a month on what happens. Maybe i will meet somone or maybe she will, but i am going to live my life to the best i can and if we meet and old feelings come back then great but if not then i am gone for good.
Myzterio Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Typical EX-GF.. calls out of the blue and leaves the guy in suspense hoping to get back with her then tells him that she doesnt love him anymore. You should of never answered man, screw your stuff and leave her for good. Stop hoping, She put you into doubt now, she left you no hope. I dont understand her, she said she doesnt love you yet she's agreeing to meet up and possibly spark up the old feelings? She wants attention, and she's sure is getting all the attention she wants, if not more.
Ronni_W Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 she said to me that i need to give up hope and that she is not coming back. ... she said " i guess i don't love you anymore" Next time, just focus on making arrangements to get your things back. No need to give her your opinions on: why she's feeling what she's feeling, what will and won't interfere in her life, whether she will or will not "make it" in Boston, why she needs to keep in contact with you. She started off clearly stating her case - she doesn't love you and is not coming back. But you ignored that (or didn't even hear it, or whatever) and then you pestered and pleaded for what YOU want and think will...will do what, exactly?...get/force her to "realize" that she is wrong about what she's feeling, and actually does love you and actually is coming back??? Anyway, you couldn't even man up enough encouragement and support to wish her well in Boston; and you just threw around your own opinions as if they are fact and/or representative of HER wishes and desires; and you totally ignored the words that she said. I wouldn't be surprised if she can't see any positives in what you offered during this call. It's likely your begging and bothering that caused her to cry (out of sheer frustration) and waffle. From what she started off saying, she doesn't care if you've changed. She said she doesn't love you and isn't coming back. Sorry if it sounds cold and heartless, eugene3, but...accept it, let go, get your stuff back, move on.
Author eugene3 Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 I did wish her well in boston. I said if thats what will make you happy and what you want to do then do it. I think when i see her when i am around her area i will just get my things from her. She is not happy and she is confused and she is throwing around ideas like moving. I am not blind. I made a deal with her and she acepted so then i will go threw with it. If she wants to as a friend meet for a drink when i get my things for my birthday then that is fine, nothing wrong with that. If she feels someting then ok if not then it was worth a try. I have not seen her in 3 months. I want to see how she acts and feels and me as well.
selena_cat Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I would definately stay No contact it seems that you were chasing,begging pleading, dont do that, and you dont have to wish her well in Boston, what, she d umps you,rejects you repeatedly and you have to wish her well, you do that by staying on NC, dont chase and have more self respect, this is from a former chaser myself, you are worth so much better than that,. Enjoy your bday also,you want to spend it on someone who Wants to be with you on your birthday not her,she's not interested. Spend it with friends or dfamily who love and care abou t you if you dont have anyone, spend it with president hopefl McCain if you have to, anyone not her. I treat my current bf to his bday and treated him like a king,cuz i want to be with him, be patient and leave the ex be. i'm sure if you never call,i'm tellin gyou that wil have her wondering,hmm he's not chasing me,but dont hold your breath, i hope you do heed my words, You deserve Better!!
dazed.1 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Sounds like you hurt her pretty badly and now realize what you have lost. She is having mixed emotions because she once thought you were something (the bf that didn't hurt her) and then found out you were something else (the bf that hurt her). She wants to believe that you are who she thought you were, but her gut (and history) tells her you are not. She is going back and forth between these ideas because she doesn't want to lost you if she is wrong (about you being the guy that will hurt her) but she doesn't want to be with you if she is right (you are the guy that hurt her). And you keep "bugging" her and you are not letting her make an honest choice. The best thing for you to do is tell her NC until she is 100% certain she wants you back, or 100% certain she doesn't want you. Tell her you will not take her calls until she has made a choice, but that you will love her and support her and respect any decision she makes about you two. This will give her time and separation from you (without you always back and forth in her life making her question herself) and allow her to make the decision she truely wants. Plus you look like the good guy that won't hurt her bc you are putting her 100% above yourself. Just my opinion. Good luck.
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