lifepeacelover Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 My second wife and I have been married since March 2003. My 2 kids (then 11 and 5) lived with me. She is 6 years older than me and alot more conservative than me. We both love people and have many friends individually and together. I am 39 she is 45 and the kids are now 17,11,4. We were hardly married when she flipped about me driving with an estate agent (female) in the car and what that could lead to! After two months she pried on my cellphone and had a fit about an sms I sent my ex-wife congratulating her on "our" daughters 2nd birthday with the word "our" being the ignitor! For me it was her sneaking around my text messages without my knowing! Many similar situations caused much uncomfortable fights etc. I felt she was trying to change me and control my kids. Then we had a baby who is now 4 and this child can do what he wants while my two are disciplined rigidly by her! My wife and my daugther however, have a good relationship, but the unfirness get to my girl! During one of our very bad times I turned to a friend for comfort and support, we drank, had fun, took pics with our mobile phones etc etc - too much fun for two guys and long story short, it came out when she again investigated my phone!! The fact that I don't have a problem with nature and nudity (without sexual intent!) added to my sins! In her mind I was the worst kind of person, but she stuch around and we tried to fix this mess. I've accused of affairs with my secretary, a friend of mines wife, emotional dependancy on another friend whom I've known for years etc. One year later, my kids and I left home because of a very bad vibe at home and her conflict with my oldest son, then 16! She publised to all she knew that I left home because I was gay, wanted to be single and what-not! We moved back 6 months later, and now, 8 months later, her trust issues still gets the better of our relationship. I may not be on Facebook, I may this, I may not that - everything negative! I may not even dance with my own cousin!!!! She reckons she is the perfect person and cannot improve or therefor change to make things work with me! She drives me crazy and can be as miserable as hell itself! I am unhappy, unfulfilled and fear that I am becoming depressed! I am dedicated to somehow make this work - I just don't know if she can ever change! She had "bounderies" for marraige and so have I - I just don't have need to be suffocated by my wife day and night! Am I wrong? What advice have you clever folk for me?
quankanne Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 sounds like a borderline abusive situation to me, and if you're able, get to a marriage counselor FAST to help find a way to heal the relationship. At least, this is what sensible, "do your best to heal the marriage"-minded quank would say. this is being a bit personal, but did you ever cheat on her, or even have an affair while married to Wife 1? Because that would make a bit of sense as to why she's being so suspicious with you ...
Angel1111 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 ...or her father cheated on her mother and she is in total fear about it happening to her. Regardless of her reasons, I do have to wonder why on earth you'd go back to someone who told everyone you were gay, and whever else she said. And if she has a lot of conflict with your children, this is not a good thing. It's one thing to subject yourself to this crap but it's completely another to do that to your kids. One day when they're adults, they're going to ask you why you allowed someone like that in their lives, why you let someone treat them like that. I can tell you in advance, there is no answer you can give them that will ever be good enough.
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