What is up with this?

[BurningRoses]

Okay, I posted on another section, but got absolutely no response and I do need some help. About five years ago, I worked with someone who became my friend. We were in our early twenties and I was his boss. About a month after we became friends I discovered he was seeing someone we worked with, but not openly. Their affair lasted about five months and she was constantly trying to change him, from everything I could see. Eventually she slipped and told me has was just a toy and she had him trained. Being a good friend, I told him and he broke it off. About a week later, we were working together and had, out of the blue, an “almost kiss-eyes lock” moment. I was unnerved at that, I have had mainly male friends since I was little and that never happened before. That night he asked if he could come over to my apartment and I was fine with it.

 

Well he came over, we had a few drinks, he mooned over her a bit, and then started saying stuff about “a girl he could actually have”. One thing led to another and we fooled around. He spent the night and left in the morning. I was embarrassed by my own behavior, loss of self-control and the fact that I thought he was in love with another woman. That afternoon he came to pick me up from work and was very affectionate and I did not respond well. I really liked him at that point but I just kept thinking “he’s in love with her” and I acted like an ice-princess and ignored him. Needless to say they got back together

He and I remained friends and I thoroughly kicked myself in the butt for the three months they were together after that, but I never said anything. They broke it off again, and the same thing happened, less him mooning. I didn’t have a phone or a car, so it wasn’t your typical relationship, but we saw each other every day for five months, had very moving conversations (not to mention incredible sex) and I was so in love. He never said he loved me, but I thought he did. Out of the blue he tells me that his family is moving out west in a week. I was crushed. He asked if I wanted him to move in, and my instant response after three bad “living together” relationships was hell no. I regretted it as soon as I said it but again kept my mouth shut. The last night we spent together I told him I loved him and got a Han solo “I know”.

 

Unfortunately, a week earlier a condom had broken on us and I was secretly terrified I might be pregnant. So my silly desperate self called him the morning after our good bye and told him this, grasping at straws I know. He came by my house and we had a much more brutal goodbye ending with me saying, “I’m scared I will never see you again” and him saying “I’m sure we will see each other again”. Heartbroken, I went to work that day only to find out I was fired for another employee’s mistake. Then I returned home to find a letter saying one of my closest uncle’s had died. Pretty rough day.

 

Well, I made a bad judgment call and got very drunk that night and called my friend. The response I got was from his little brother yelling into the phone at me that if I loved him so much why wouldn’t I move and me yelling back through tears that I was never asked. I lost my mind for a few months after that , wrote some really good poetry and eventually mentally thanked him for everything I learned when we were together. Up until about December I haven’t thought of him in years. Nothing really major happened around then and I am befuddled as to why so many memories have come back to me. Well, I said screw it in February, figured it has been years and we did used to be close, wrote him a one page “ hi how ya doin letter” that was 100 % sap free. I just couldn’t get him out of my head

 

On Fathers Day I get a (what I think was a drunk mail) response. I email him back, of course, and he gives me his number. (Bit of and aside- about four years ago I hooked up with a guy who was in the middle of a separation from his wife and we were living together until last week [ he knew I wrote the old flame and we split for unrelated reasons

 

Okay so I call, he’s working so he calls back. We talked for six and a half hours. It was awesome, like all the years had never happened, and he apologized for being an idiot back in the day. I told him that I was leaving the guy I was with, and he seemed sympathetic and was actually flirting really hard (bad jokes and all). So I think all is cool, right? Not so much apparently

 

I text him that weekend to see if he was free, no response. I text him that Wednesday to see if he would be my “phone a friend” the night I left my now-ex, though I didn’t tell him my plans for the night. I got “Well you got along without me this long, I don’t think this is fair, I have to look out for myself, I’m not cool with your situation, and I’m going to be busy.” I sent him a message that I was sorry to impose and I was confused by the fact that we seemed okay and suddenly I was a pariah. I also said that when he wanted to tell me what was going on he had my number.

 

Not one to let things drop, I also sent him an e-mail, with just a sub line saying what in the world. The next day I get this “yo i shouldn't even be responding to this bull**** so i'm gonna let my man lynard say everything i need to say instead of talkin for fo0r ****n hours instead of r” Obvious drunk mail, I sent back "Huh? I think your e-mail cut out mid rant.” So I decided to give him space. It has been over a week, am I stupid for askin him or what? I am completely guy ignorant on this one.

[norajane]

He's pretty clear that he doesn't want to hear from you. I'd suggest letting this go and forgetting about him.

 

When you're at a low point - like the end of a relationship - it's tempting to look back and think of the people you've dated who meant something to you, and to want to contact them to see if there's anything there. You did, you caught up, and now he's realizing he doesn't want to continue the relationship for whatever reason.

 

Let it go and deal with your current break-up before reaching out to other men. It will take a while for you to really be in a place where you are making good decisions about what you want in your life.