HiItsMe Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Now, I hear this alot, and there's something disturbing about it if you really read into it. Friendships are forever....true. Relationships come and go? They don't have to. But apparently people seem to put value more so on friendships than someone that they dated seriously. Why is this?
Raina Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Actually I have the opposite idea. I find that most people put much more effort in relationships than in friendship. Now maybe it's because people I relate to are still on their 20's-30's, when people are specially active looking for a long term mate but still. Relationships do come and go, look at all the separations and divorce threads, or the break up section here on LS. It's shocking! Don't you all wonder why bother all the trouble getting a love relation if it's going to end anyway? Maybe I just woke up bitter today. Eh.
Grrlish Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Now, I hear this alot, and there's something disturbing about it if you really read into it. Friendships are forever....true. Relationships come and go? They don't have to. But apparently people seem to put value more so on friendships than someone that they dated seriously. Why is this? What crock. Sounds like something that people who are unsuccessful with relationships would say. No, friendships are not forever. Friendships end, too. Relationships come and go until you find the one that you want to last forever. People SHOULD put a lot of value on their friendships but not at the risk of losing a relationship that might be the one that you want to last forever. People sometimes give their friends a lot of flack for reducing the amount of time they spend together when one of them gets into a relationship. Hello? There are 24 hours in a day. If you add in a new friend or new relationship, the number of free hours you have in a day to spend outside of work/school is now divided in a different way. It's logical. I had two of my best friends almost literally (verbally) attack me several years ago because they felt that I was putting my relationship first. Well, in fact...I WAS. My boyfriend and I had been dating for 3 years. We were talking 'forever'. We also lived an hour apart and had demanding jobs, including the fact that his required him to travel frequently. Yes, I spent every weekend with him by default. Yes, if he was coming home from travel, we spent the next few days together. But for gosh sakes, I spoke to or saw these two gals every day since we all lived close to each other. My two friends felt dissed that I wouldn't just skip out on plans with my boyfriend when they wanted to do something. Could never figure out why they felt it was okay for me to stand him up but it wouldn't be okay for me to stand THEM up. Basically, neither of these friends had been in a relationship for a long time. They were a little jealous, and they also just did not like the fact that it wasn't the three of us anymore. Here's a more realistic, and more meaningful version: PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.! LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, and friendship is clairvoyant .
xpaperxcutx Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Friendships aren't forever, but they do outlast relationships.
sumdude Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 But uh.. isn't a friendship a relationship too? Ok splitting hairs here... a romantic vs. platonic relationship. We have hundreds of relationships in our lives. Family, professional, business and of course romantic. Over life they all change, come and go, fade and return. My ex wife was my best friend too.. when it was good. Made it that much harder to deal with the divorce I suppose. The biggest ones are with our SOs.. and those relationships also ebb and flow. Sadly they also end ... not sure what my point was.. oh well..
Woggle Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 This is very true. I know my friends will be there though thick and thin while as much as I love my wife I know how a marriage can implode at any given moment.
Lizzie60 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 In my case, friendships are forever.. not relationships.. I have 2 best friends (female), one for 53 years, the other for over 40 years... I would NEVER ever give up my friendships for any man.. I value my friendships more than anything. I have to say that I am still friend with ALL my exes.. even those I've dated for a short period of time.. and that since my first separation over 11 years ago..
nopainnogain Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Friendships come and go but family is forever:)
pandagirl Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I agree. Real, true blue friendships out last most romantic relationships. Real friendships are built on trust, compatibility, and honesty -- there aren't those fickle/fleeting feelings of passion and romance to deal with. I've always been very good at making/maintaining friendships. I can safely say that though I am picky with who I choose to befriend, once I am in, I'm in. Dating people is harder because there are no certainties when it comes to emotions, which is what romantic relationships boil down to.
JoeNewbie Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Friendships last longer than romantic relationships (at least on average) because they are less intense. Also, people tend to curb their enthusiasm when it comes to things that are relatively safe, i.e. family and friends.
stefspets Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I have very few friends that I have maintained for any stretch of time. Maybe it's just too much effort for me? Maybe I just don't place as high a value on those friendships as I do family. I'm a lot closer to family than to any friends. I would probably call my mom my best friend over any other person, family or otherwise. I don't have a lot of perspective to say what's more important, friends or relationships. They can both come and go. I only try to balance those that are most important to me and not worry about the rest.
Lizzie60 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Friendships come and go but family is forever:) For me it's the opposite.. I value my 2 friends more than I value my brothers... I have no sister.. so maybe that's why.. I haven't spoke to a few of my brothers for years.. I do NOT miss them.. We get to choose our friends... but not our family.. I am not close to my family. True friendship, like the ones I have are RARE.. they are lifelong friendships.
Javelin Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I think the longevity of each relationship type is subject to change at any given moment. There is no set time on either of them in my opinion.
spookie Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I think you're looking at it too black-and-white. Friendships are relationships too, just not sexual ones; and hopefully your SO is one of your best friends. We choose who we value more and prioritize based on, with whom, overall, we have the strongest R; or want one. I think my best friend and I are forever. We're like mentally conjoined twins. He knows me better than I know myself and accepts and loves me with far less conditions than my own family. That said because we're such good friends he accepts that when I'm in an R I'm in an R and I have to spend time on it (and vice versa).
nopainnogain Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Unfortunantly for me the only true friend I ever had passed away . We had each others backs. I have so called good friends but its tough as we get older to establish bonds. I would say now my closest roll dawg is my cousin. Even my family doesnt understand me. I am my own best friend. My own leader. I am not no follower.
monkey00 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Actually I have the opposite idea. I find that most people put much more effort in relationships than in friendship. Now maybe it's because people I relate to are still on their 20's-30's, when people are specially active looking for a long term mate but still. Relationships do come and go, look at all the separations and divorce threads, or the break up section here on LS. It's shocking! Don't you all wonder why bother all the trouble getting a love relation if it's going to end anyway? Maybe I just woke up bitter today. Eh. I find that all the more common, well mainly around my friends anyway. I think it's right to stick with your SO and defend them if something goes wrong or someone offends them. But aside from that, every friend I have had that got into a relationship eventually just wind up disappearing from the radar. I think it's a bad idea really. If somewhere down the line things don't work out with your SO and you try to find your friends again to get back into the loop and get support. It's too late because you've already ditched them.
pandagirl Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Interesting. While I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, and certainly not very successful in the romance area, I am very fortunate to have great, great friends. I seem lucky enough to attract some amazing people into my life. In fact, guys I date often comment on my friends, saying: "Your friends are really great people." Now if I could just translate this luck into my dating life...!
KinAZ Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 It's so ironic, I was JUST thinking of this a few days ago while browsing around the site. I think the difference is the emotions that are involved and the level of vulnerability. I've known my bff practically all of my life, but my "one real love" was in so many ways much closer to me than she is. That doesn't mean that I value her friendship less, but I think that he had the potential to hurt me in more ways than she ever could (even if she plotted against me). And so, both parties tend to be more guarded, and the relationships tend to be more volatile by nature. It's not my personal perspective that it has to be this way, or that we should go into relationships feeling this way. I just think that this may be what's behind the perspective...
carhill Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Different perspective, different investment, different psychology. For most people, nowhere near the expectations for friends as for a SO/spouse. Process that. I knew something was wrong when my wife's friendships (girlfriends) took precedence over our marriage. I didn't know quite what, but MC has clarified that
Rooster_DAR Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Now, I hear this alot, and there's something disturbing about it if you really read into it. Friendships are forever....true. Relationships come and go? They don't have to. But apparently people seem to put value more so on friendships than someone that they dated seriously. Why is this? I will tell you from experience, friends will outweigh intimate relationships nearly always. So in my life, the most important things to me besides my blood siblings are my friends, I love and respect them tremendously. As to why? Consult with "John Lucas" on LS, he has some pretty good observations and possible answers to this question. Cheers!
carhill Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 I take it you're not married. If you are, I'd love to hear your wife's perspective on this
Rooster_DAR Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 I take it you're not married. If you are, I'd love to hear your wife's perspective on this Ha! I'm not married anymore, but if I was this would be a secret between you and I.
carhill Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 You'll have to teach me that secret handshake again
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