"Oh, I was JUST going to call you!"

[HiItsMe]

I don't know, this is kind of a pet peeve of mine as of late. I might be going out with this woman. (well, she kind of brought it up, she said she didn't have to hang with our group of friends, and that we could go out alone together.) So she is VERY much interested in getting together.

 

Anyhow, she gave me her number, and we also keep in touch by email. But sometimes she'd never get back with me....sometimes she will. She's kind of sporadic at getting back with me. Sometimes saying, "Oh, I'm REALLY sorry, I meant to call you back! I feel SO bad about not calling you back!" or " I was JUUSST going to call you." lol.

 

Usually she gets busy or something.

 

I had emailed her on Sunday about getting together this weekend, and then called her and left a voicemail (she didn't pick up)her on Mon. about more specifics about our date. On Tues, I called, but it went to voicemail and she didn't pick up, so I didn't bother leaving a message.

 

I skipped Wed altogether

 

It's Thurs now and I hadn't heard back from her.

 

Now as a side bar, because I talked about persistence and all that. But I'm just weird about contacting a woman X Amount of times before she returns my calls

 

1. I left a voicemail

2. Left an email

 

But I am considering the fact that she just gets busy and forgets.

 

I would usually just blow this one off, but in THIS particular case...she has shown interest in seeing me on several occasions. She said she's looking for someone to go biking with, and she can't get anyone to go biking with her, and stuff. So she has indeed expressed her interest in getting together with me.

 

Believe me, I know the difference, most women are short with me in emails and such. I test the waters that way.

 

I would send them an initial email saying it was nice meeting them the other night, and ask them a personal qauestion about themselves like, "So how l ong have you lived here?" or some other "small chit chat talk"

 

If they answer with a basic answer, and they don't ask questions about MY self, and the message is short and tactful....I can pick up that she's not even interested in even getting to know me personally.

 

Usually, when I start asking THEM questions, they sometimes don't even respond, because they are t hinking, "Yeah, this guy is interested, and well, I"m not...so perhaps if I ignore him, he'll go away."

 

And that's what I'll do , we'll go away.

 

But with this woman, it's diff...but still, feel funny about calling too mnay time...and it sucks, becuase if I call and leave a 2nd message that's the same as the first, I feel desperate doing it again....waht really stinks is, I plan on calling her, let it ring, just to see if she picks up....if she doesn't then I'll just try again later....but the problem THERE is, she has caller ID and can see that I called so many times and not left a message.

 

See what men have to go through? LOL!

 

Men have to worry coming off being needy or desperate or even stalkerish. And we men don't want to do that.

[I am who I am]

First things first... STOP head tripping.

 

You have a few things going on here...

 

1) you have a woman that says one thing, but her actions are not congruent with her words. She says she wants to hang out, yet doesn't make any effort... ANY effort, to do so.

 

2) You are way to into this ONE woman. You should not be head tripping over her... why? Because you should be talking to at least 3 other women. Is she sitting around thinking about you all day.... no. She is busy living her life, and setting up dates for this weekend with other men.

 

3) Should you call again? Why would you? Now, think about that for a second. Step back from your head tripping (this girl SHOWS me interest!!!) and look at the reality of the situation. She has low to no interest in you. How can you tell? Her actions. She makes no attempt to return your calls or emails. Even if someone is busy and life is hectic, if they are interested, they will make an effort.

 

You have made every attempt to be open to her... the ball is in her court. Go out this weekend, meet another woman, get her number, and call her to set up a date.

 

Time to move on. If she makes contact with you.. great! By all means, set up a date. If she doesn't, oh well, you already have a date for next week anyways.

[HiItsMe]

First things first... STOP head tripping.

 

You have a few things going on here...

 

1) you have a woman that says one thing, but her actions are not congruent with her words. She says she wants to hang out, yet doesn't make any effort... ANY effort, to do so.

 

2) You are way to into this ONE woman. You should not be head tripping over her... why? Because you should be talking to at least 3 other women. Is she sitting around thinking about you all day.... no. She is busy living her life, and setting up dates for this weekend with other men.

 

3) Should you call again? Why would you? Now, think about that for a second. Step back from your head tripping (this girl SHOWS me interest!!!) and look at the reality of the situation. She has low to no interest in you. How can you tell? Her actions. She makes no attempt to return your calls or emails. Even if someone is busy and life is hectic, if they are interested, they will make an effort.

 

You have made every attempt to be open to her... the ball is in her court. Go out this weekend, meet another woman, get her number, and call her to set up a date.

 

Time to move on. If she makes contact with you.. great! By all means, set up a date. If she doesn't, oh well, you already have a date for next week anyways.

 

I'm not the one to go out and just pick up women on the fly. I'm not that much of a casanova.

 

Usually I rarely have that many "irons in the fire" when it comes to getting dates with women. It's usually once in a while.

 

I think some women can agree that peoples can be indeed hectic enough to keep you from contacting your friends or potential dates.

[Ronni_W]

I think some women can agree that peoples can be indeed hectic enough to keep you from contacting your friends or potential dates.

Sometimes I don't make the time that I ought to, for my friends. But when it comes to a guy in whom I am VERY interested, there is no way I'd treat his contact as casually and disrespectfully as she's doing to yours.

 

By her actions, you'd be safe to conclude that she's not THAT interested.

[HiItsMe]

Sometimes I don't make the time that I ought to, for my friends. But when it comes to a guy in whom I am VERY interested, there is no way I'd treat his contact as casually and disrespectfully as she's doing to yours.

 

By her actions, you'd be safe to conclude that she's not THAT interested.

 

Well, she doesn't know me as well as I know my friends.

Funny, I was out last night with some friends, and met this person and she said that's one thing about dating/relationships...they come and go...but friendships are forever.

 

Kinda weird that way.

[I am who I am]

It's your life... call her if you want to, don't if you don't.

 

Good luck out there. The dating world can be brutal at times.

 

Let us know how it goes

[A.G.Doren]

Sometimes I get too busy to call a guy, that I like in a timely fashion. If that happens for some reason you can be sure that I'll make time to call him within twenty-four hours of when I thought I should.

 

One thing I learned recently is that it really doesn't matter if the person likes you or not. She could very well be too busy for anyone right now, or have a host of issues that interfere with her forming a relationship, who knows? The reality that you can deal with is that she isn't getting in touch with you and not behvaing in a way that is conducive to forming a relationship regardless of what she is saying. That is the only reality you need to worry about.Talk is cheap.

[reservoirdog1]

You've emailed her, and left her a message, and received no response. One more communication initiated by you, and you'll definitely seem desperate.

 

From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like she's even agreed yet to the principle of getting together this weekend. As it stands, the ball is firmly in her court. And she knows that.

 

So, what you need to do, since you haven't heard back, is start making plans for the weekend that don't involve her. If you want to play the game aggressively -- which I think you should -- you should make yourself as busy as possible.

 

That way, if/when she gets back to you, your response -- as breezy and casual as possible -- should be "hey, I didn't hear back so I figured you were busy this weekend, and I made other plans. My weekend's booked pretty solid -- how about next week sometime?" Get her to suggest a couple of different days and times, and for the first one she suggests, tell her you're busy that night. Go with the second one instead. Don't sound at all pissy at her for not getting back to you -- what you want to convey is that seeing her this weekend would've been cool, but you've got lots of other stuff going on in your life too.

 

If you do it this way, suddenly YOU'RE the desireable commodity, and she's the one who has to wait around for YOU -- not the other way around. Keep in mind, attractive women are used to being pursued. If she's suddenly having to pursue you, that sets you apart from all the chumps who have tripped all over themselves to see her. And that's what you want -- to be different from them, and to keep her on her toes.

[Shygirl15]

She doesn't really like you, HiItsMe.

 

Sadly, I tend to do the same thing sometimes. It's like I'm trying to spare their feelings or something; I pretend to appear interested and give all these false promises while deep down I know I will never go out with them. Something I need to work on..

 

When a woman is interested, there's absolutely NO WAY she can forget to communicate back to her guy of interest.

[Jilly Bean]

Time to move on, Hi.

 

Pay attention to her actions. They are speaking louder than her words...

[Grrlish]

Sometimes I don't make the time that I ought to, for my friends. But when it comes to a guy in whom I am VERY interested, there is no way I'd treat his contact as casually and disrespectfully as she's doing to yours.

 

By her actions, you'd be safe to conclude that she's not THAT interested.

 

I have to agree with Ronni.

 

And, like Shygirl said, when I'm dating, I might tend to do this, too. It's avoidance in lieu of directly hurting someone's feelings because you're not interested. We do it, hoping that a guy will take a hint.

 

Off-topic: Yes, it's easier for us as opposed to having to look someone in the eye and tell them "I'm not interested". But having been on the receiving end of this method of being blown off, I'd rather have a guy gently 'avoid' me as opposed to him actually telling me that he's not interested. Kinda of embarrassing. I know that if a guy is not returning my calls or emails, he's not interested. This method of blowing someone off can actually let them to save face...IF they don't keep chasing.

 

If I'm not calling a guy back, and he keeps calling and calling, yes, I feel bad. But I also start wondering what his problem is and why he can't take a hint. Not 'pretty', maybe, but true.

 

Time to stop chasing, my dear.

 

HiItsMe, how about if you stop calling and emailing and see if she starts calling or emailing you? If she does, then it means that she's interested. If she doesn't, then you know she's not interested.

[jadedone]

As an example: I started talking to this woman online. She gave me her number without me even asking.

 

I called her later that night, and she didn't answer, so I left a voicemail. 3 hours later she sent me a text message saying sorry she was at her parents house, but will call me back tomorrow.

 

The next day she didn't call, but the morning after she sent me a message that she's busy moving stuff from her parents' house to her new apartment.

 

 

The point? She works full time, has a 2 year old, and in the middle of moving into a new apartment, and she still finds ways to get in touch with me.

[Mako482]

First things first... STOP head tripping.

 

You have a few things going on here...

 

1) you have a woman that says one thing, but her actions are not congruent with her words. She says she wants to hang out, yet doesn't make any effort... ANY effort, to do so.

 

2) You are way to into this ONE woman. You should not be head tripping over her... why? Because you should be talking to at least 3 other women. Is she sitting around thinking about you all day.... no. She is busy living her life, and setting up dates for this weekend with other men.

 

3) Should you call again? Why would you? Now, think about that for a second. Step back from your head tripping (this girl SHOWS me interest!!!) and look at the reality of the situation. She has low to no interest in you. How can you tell? Her actions. She makes no attempt to return your calls or emails. Even if someone is busy and life is hectic, if they are interested, they will make an effort.

 

You have made every attempt to be open to her... the ball is in her court. Go out this weekend, meet another woman, get her number, and call her to set up a date.

 

Time to move on. If she makes contact with you.. great! By all means, set up a date. If she doesn't, oh well, you already have a date for next week anyways.

 

I agree 100%, I had damn near the same issue recently and reacted the same way. The tough thing is they act interested in other ways but lack of effort to contact really throws out mixed signals. Like this guy said, even if someone is very busy it only takes a minute to pick up the phone and say hi.

[Mako482]

She doesn't really like you, HiItsMe.

 

Sadly, I tend to do the same thing sometimes. It's like I'm trying to spare their feelings or something; I pretend to appear interested and give all these false promises while deep down I know I will never go out with them. Something I need to work on..

 

When a woman is interested, there's absolutely NO WAY she can forget to communicate back to her guy of interest.

 

You need to work on it??? No, you need to stop it! Screwing with a man's head and leading him on and dragging it all out is always going to be more hurtful to him than just letting him know "sorry, just not feeling it". I appreciate you were honest in telling us this but seriously I would take a quick rejection ANYDAY over a woman leading me to think she is interested in me when she is not. So don't "work on it", just stop already.

[Grrlish]

 

Believe me, I know the difference, most women are short with me in emails and such. I test the waters that way.

 

I would send them an initial email saying it was nice meeting them the other night, and ask them a personal qauestion about themselves like, "So how l ong have you lived here?" or some other "small chit chat talk"

 

If they answer with a basic answer, and they don't ask questions about MY self, and the message is short and tactful....I can pick up that she's not even interested in even getting to know me personally.

 

Usually, when I start asking THEM questions, they sometimes don't even respond, because they are t hinking, "Yeah, this guy is interested, and well, I"m not...so perhaps if I ignore him, he'll go away."

 

And that's what I'll do , we'll go away.

 

 

I'd like to suggest that you initiate contact by phone, and not email. Don't even ask for her email address; ask for her phone number.

 

If I'm interested in a guy, I'm not going to give him my email address if he has asked for my phone number. Although I HAVE given guys my email address instead of my phone number if I'm NOT interested.

 

A guy that will text me or email me but not call me looks 'chicken' in my eyes. Or at the very least, has just shown me that he is lacking in social/conversational skills.

 

Call, make a few minutes of chit chat, and ask her out. If you call and make chit chat and don't ask her out, she will get off the phone and wonder 'what the heck?' It can feel like the start of being strung along.

 

If a girl give you her number, there's a fair chance that she's interested in going out with you. Therefore, if you call but don't ask her out, you just lost a lot of 'points'.

 

 

 

See what men have to go through? LOL!

 

Sorry, but in the case of this woman specifically, and in the case of your approach, above, you're putting yourself thought it.

 

Polish up your approach and you will get better response. Hone your radar to pick up on 'not interested' signals faster and stop pursuing sooner.

 

Men have to worry coming off being needy or desperate or even stalkerish. And we men don't want to do that.

 

I can understand this. So, if you do want to show some persistence, which IS good, call but don't call every day. Every other for 2 calls is fine. No response? Wait 3 or 4 days to call again. No response? Quit calling.

 

Do NOT call over and over and not leave a message because the caller ID will tell her that you're acting desperately.

 

Persistence is good. I've ended up having relationships with a couple of men that I gently avoided at first because they were persistent...but persistent with control.

 

Good luck, HiItsMe.

[HiItsMe]

I have got of hold of her on the phone today, and we chatted a good bit(like how her week was going and stuff, I shared what I did during the week) for about 15 minutes (would've preferred to have talked to her in person though), and then I asked her about her availability this weekend. And she said she HAD been busy with work, but she won't know until later today or tomorrow if she has to work on the weekend or not.

 

Then she said she had an incoming call, and she'd call me right back.

 

This was about 3 hours ago, haven't heard from her yet.

 

So, dunno...we'll see.

[HiItsMe]

As an example: I started talking to this woman online. She gave me her number without me even asking.

 

I called her later that night, and she didn't answer, so I left a voicemail. 3 hours later she sent me a text message saying sorry she was at her parents house, but will call me back tomorrow.

 

The next day she didn't call, but the morning after she sent me a message that she's busy moving stuff from her parents' house to her new apartment.

 

 

The point? She works full time, has a 2 year old, and in the middle of moving into a new apartment, and she still finds ways to get in touch with me.

 

Jaded one....I am seeing this....ALOT....even the woman GIVES you their number (you didn't even have to ask for it)

 

So, gents and the brotherhood, lol....just because a woman GIVES you her number without you asking for it, does NOT mean she's interested. I think she's just baiting you.

 

Then apologizes all over herself when she bumps into you out in public...OH gee..I'm sSoooooooooooooo sorry for not calling, I feel SOoooooooooooooo bad...Ill call you tonight okay?"

 

She doesn't call that night.

 

Wash...rinse...repeat.

[Mako482]

I have got of hold of her on the phone today, and we chatted a good bit(like how her week was going and stuff, I shared what I did during the week) for about 15 minutes (would've preferred to have talked to her in person though), and then I asked her about her availability this weekend. And she said she HAD been busy with work, but she won't know until later today or tomorrow if she has to work on the weekend or not.

 

Then she said she had an incoming call, and she'd call me right back.

 

This was about 3 hours ago, haven't heard from her yet.

 

So, dunno...we'll see.

 

Good luck man but it doesn't look worth your efforts to me, mentally or otherwise.

[Vicious_Delicious]

HiItsMe,

 

You sound a little too into this girl, when she doesn't seem to be that into you. I was really headsprung over this one girl, and it drove me nuts. However, I was persistent in a cool and patient way and we finally got into a relationship.

 

However, you mention that going out and scoring a number is not that easy for you to do. Well, here's something that can help you with your headspringiness: join an online dating site. It helped me quite a bit to get this girl out of my head. I got a decent amount of attention from various women, and it help put things into perspective for me.

 

Give it a shot. PM me if you would like a good initial email to send to women you find interesting...

[Mako482]

 

Well, here's something that can help you with your headspringiness: join an online dating site. It helped me quite a bit to get this girl out of my head. I got a decent amount of attention from various women, and it help put things into perspective for me.

 

.

 

Then you can introduce yourself to a whole new set of issues!

[HiItsMe]

HiItsMe,

 

You sound a little too into this girl, when she doesn't seem to be that into you. I was really headsprung over this one girl, and it drove me nuts. However, I was persistent in a cool and patient way and we finally got into a relationship.

 

However, you mention that going out and scoring a number is not that easy for you to do. Well, here's something that can help you with your headspringiness: join an online dating site. It helped me quite a bit to get this girl out of my head. I got a decent amount of attention from various women, and it help put things into perspective for me.

 

Give it a shot. PM me if you would like a good initial email to send to women you find interesting...

 

LOL...that's too funny...."Been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt"

 

Actually, I am trying to get away from online dating, into the world of "The real!"

[A.G.Doren]

As an example: I started talking to this woman online. She gave me her number without me even asking.

 

I called her later that night, and she didn't answer, so I left a voicemail. 3 hours later she sent me a text message saying sorry she was at her parents house, but will call me back tomorrow.

 

The next day she didn't call, but the morning after she sent me a message that she's busy moving stuff from her parents' house to her new apartment.

 

 

The point? She works full time, has a 2 year old, and in the middle of moving into a new apartment, and she still finds ways to get in touch with me.

 

 

If she is interested and just too busy right now she'll get in touch with you when she has time. To keep thinking about you you can send out a group email telling people about something fun to do, but no actual invitation.You can send it to everyone in your address book.

[paxchris]

I've been on both ends of the stick... Slightly different situations, but generally the same. This sounds like she is most definitely not interested. Sorry man! Think about it - even if she was (which, she is not) - would you want to date someone who was constantly saying they would call you back and didn't, etc.? It's just setting yourself up for mental torture.

 

You deserve better! Good luck... let us know how your next dating potential/situation goes :-P

[nopainnogain]

 

But I am considering the fact that she just gets busy and forgets.

 

.

 

like steven segal says.....

 

" assumptions are the mother of all f*ck ups"

 

Now, me personally. I wont put up with that BS

[changchewsoon]

The way I see it:

 

Case1

she's either not sure yet of herself and while trying to explore her feelings, she doesn't want to let go before making up her mind.

 

OR

 

Case 2

Like some of our female members here, she's not interested in pursuing a relationship but she doesn't know how to tell it to you.

 

OR

 

Case 3

She's probably seeing somebody else, and considering straying which brings us back to Case 1.