Mandy5 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Okay so I have been on this site a while ago, and It had helped me so much with my previous relationship. I am now back. Me and this guy have been hanging out recently, we have gone to movies and just hung out with other friends. We have slept together. Anyways, I love hanging out with him, and we always have a great time, but he is not very good at making plans, and asking me to hang out. I want to ask him if he wants anything out of this relationship we have, or if its just for fun, but I dont know how to bring it up. So today I asked him to do something, and he said he would, but he would call me back, so anyways 2 hours later he texts me to say " I am going to a movie, I can't hang out" So that just totally through me off...im thinking that this guy likes me, and now he is ditching me after i asked him to hang otu first. anyways...i just want to know what people think...am I wasting my time? or do I ask him what is up? or do i just forget about him and move on? please help any advice would be great:) thanks
xpaperxcutx Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Your expectations and his expectations don't match. Some guys view hanging out as (friends) hanging out, and even sex is just sex in their opinion. When you got together with him, you became emotionally attached especially since the two of you had slept together, you're now expecting to take it to the next level. Seeing as his response had been very lukewarm, I doubt he would really want to pursue a relationship. Guys that want relationships aren't obscure about their intentions, they would make it known to you, pursue you, and would not be at all hesitant to make plans with you. I think you're wasting your time. To test it out, don't confront him on it. Distance yourself from him for a week or so. See if he initiates any sort of contact with you.
Author Mandy5 Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 thank you, I kinda figured that he was not in it as much as me, but it just kinda sucks how guys do stuff like.
D-Lish Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Your expectations and his expectations don't match. Some guys view hanging out as (friends) hanging out, and even sex is just sex in their opinion. When you got together with him, you became emotionally attached especially since the two of you had slept together, you're now expecting to take it to the next level. Seeing as his response had been very lukewarm, I doubt he would really want to pursue a relationship. Guys that want relationships aren't obscure about their intentions, they would make it known to you, pursue you, and would not be at all hesitant to make plans with you. I think you're wasting your time. To test it out, don't confront him on it. Distance yourself from him for a week or so. See if he initiates any sort of contact with you. That's good insight and advice. It's way too soon to start asking about intentions, the only thing that would do at this point is send someone into hiding. I too would pull back and see if he initiates.... That's how I would handle it. I always cling to the notion that if you have to ASK where you stand... there's a problem. When a guy likes me- I know it because he makes an effort to see me. Actions speak louder than words ever can- and if you feel that you need to ask him where the relationship is going, that must mean his actions are giving you doubts. Listen to your instincts. Having said that, I don't know how long you have been hanging out- so it might be a matter of him wanting to take things slow. Take a step back- see how he reacts. You'll get your answers about how invested he is.
ryanrigney22 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 The best way to create a strong desire in someones heart is to make them think you aren't attainable. He is basically playing you it sounds like. Notice how much more you think about him when hes hard to see? It's in our brains somewhere to want what we can't have...can't fight it...gotta just accept it. =)
4dviceJunki3 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 He could be playing the "hard to get" card. What you need to do is back off a bit. How long have you guys known each other? The expectation rule is a tricky one. The more you expect and the less you get, the more disappointment you'll encounter. Just let loose a bit -- this doesn't mean go whore it. But just do what you have to do in your life and address what's important to you FIRST, then give him your time of day. If you see that he's not showing any interest, back off so that you don't get "butt-hurt". I believe that there are people out there that catch feelings very quickly; these are the people that usually end up getting hurt. ANY relationship you get into IMO, you need to take it slow so that you get to see the both sides of the person before actually making an informed decision on getting with this person. Having slept together when you've only known each other for a short-period of time is a bit wrong. Not that it's not okay, but it complicates things. You start assuming things because you expect him to act like your boyfriend or to give you the same attention as you give him but when this doesn't go your way, it bugs you.
Author Mandy5 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 thank you guys for your responses, It really does help. I have beeen backing off recently, I haven't called him, and he acctaully called me and asked me out for lunch. Its still difficult though, he doesn't seem lke he wants a relationship, but he says he does like me. We have known eachother for a while, but have always been friends, as he has always had a girlfriend. I am just going to see how things go, it just sucks when i know what I want, and he doesn't seem to know. he is going away on thurs, and Id like to hang out with him before, but I probably should not call him im assuming? why is liking a guy so difficult! thanks again!
4dviceJunki3 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 You can call him if he's going away but to look at this prospectively, he doesn't know what he wants for himself so don't let that complicate things for you. For instance, don't expect him to be dying to see you or talk to you before he leaves because if you do and you see he doesn't feel that way, it's going to bum you out.
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